so... a lot has been going on lately.. like a LOT.. where do I even begin? well.. I'll start with this...

Mortgage:

earlier this year, I had to have to use my money to help my parents pay for the mortgage, because my mom was out of a job and my dad was doing volunteer work, like helping out his handicapped friend with day-to-day activities such as helping him get out of bed, brush his teeth, and rolling him over as he sleeps, normal things that he can't do on his own since he's paralyzed, his wife used to help him with that stuff but.. she passed recently.. but that aside, it's a nice thing to do, but it doesn't really pay much, if anything at all, volunteer work after all, so I had been helping out pay the mortgage for a while, it was a bit frustrating, but I knew it was necessary if we wanted to keep our house, and we already missed too many payments, and couldn't miss any more payments or else we'd face disclosure, but it meant I'd have like.. no money for me to use for myself

I couldn't help being a tad bit annoyed at my parents, my mom kept loosing all her jobs, because despite being a great worker and always being the best employee, getting all the "top worker" rewards and all that.. she's.. always late.. to everything, even something as simple as picking me up from work or something, she's always really late, and she gets let go because of it, also, they way corporations work, for some reason, being a good worker isn't always a good thing, because these people want speed, she always puts quality before quantity, but the big business heads want "efficiency" and there are like certain quotas to meet, and since she spends all her time doing a really good job, it also means she doesn't get as much done, and is penalized for it, and I personally thing that's really dumb, you know all the bad rap call centers get? well she's one of them, but she's a good one, she'll actually help the caller, work them through everything, take her time and make sure they understand everything, she'll take notes and does the best she can to help her callers, and while she gets praised by her supervisors, the "head" of the corporation see it as a bad thing that she takes so long, she tells me she'll hear a coworker be rude to the callers, give minimal effort, constantly redirect them and offer no assistance at all, and yet they're the ones getting promotions because they're "fast" it's really stupid.. however her tardiness is her own fault as well so.. you know

and my dad, he kinda refused to be tied down with a full time job, he always has this mindset that he's going to go back to Bolivia to be a missionary again, and doesn't want to get too tied down to here cause he plans to leave eventually, and he has this mindset that we shouldn't worry, because "the Lord will provide", now don't get me wrong, I am a Christian as well, but I'm pretty sure we can't just sit back and hope God will take care of absolutely everything, I'm certain he'll help us, but I think we should still make an effort to help ourselves too, you know? meet him half way, but yea, that's why he's been doing volunteer work with his friend and at the church and such

and my sister, I don't really know how much she was helping out, I know she's older and has her own life and such, but she still lives at home too, and I just feel I haven't seen her contribute a whole lot, however she did wreck her car and still had to pay off her debt from buying it even though she can't drive it anymore, so I'm sure that was taking a lot of money from her, probably still is, but that's another thing, ever since she wrecked her car, her and I have had to share the Smart Car, and since she's older, she always got priority, even though my dad promised me he'd give it to me once he got a car of his own (him and mom were also sharing the van, and he drove the Smart Car sometimes too.. we had 2 cars to share between 4 people, so it got complicated), so I'd be stuck at home with no car and I'd never be able to go out and hang with my friends or whatever during my free time, eventually my sister bought a truck, but she ended up not liking driving it since it was a stick shift, so my dad ended up taking the truck while my sister and I continued to share the Smart Car

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Job:

eventually my mom got a job again and my dad got hired back at his old job, so I didn't need to worry about paying the mortgage anymore, all I had to worry about was work, and boy, did work give me a hard time, I'm a cashier at a fairly large grocery store, right? when I started, I liked it, pressing buttons, scanning items, and sacking groceries, it was fun.. for a while.. however, what I didn't think to consider was the customer service aspect of the job, I have a new hatred for customers.. they can be the meanest, cruelest, selfish, most disgusting people when they want to be, thankfully, my bosses are very understanding and very nice, if I had bad bosses I would have quit long ago, but for the most part they have been really good to me, and are probably the only reason I keep coming back.. that and the threat of homelessness but you know...

I used to work the back-up overnight shift, where I'd work evening shifts for the most part but work overnights on the normal overnight's days off, my main objective since I was hired was to get the full overnight position, because there were very few customers and I could help out around the store with like stocking and stuff when I wasn't checking out customers (not like that, if you were thinking it in the other sense.. you perv >.>) and I liked doing that, I really like organizing, and it gave me something to do so I was always busy and time went by fast, they put me in charge of taking care of the spices and the check-stand candies, and I really enjoyed it, plus I could use the Smart Car all I want at night since everyone else who uses it sleeps at night.. and eventually, I did get the full time position! for like.. a month.. and then the store decided it didn't want to be 24 hours anymore... so.. back to evenings permanently for me.. I was peeved

however it probably worked out for the best, because I realized that if I wanted to take advantage of the 2 years free college I earned with A+, this would be the last year to do it, if I wanted both years that is, since there's a 4 year time limit for 2 free years, and it's already been 2 years since I graduated high school, so if I wanted to go I'd have to start readjusting my sleep schedule anyway, but at this point I hated being a cashier, the customers just stress me out too much, especially when they give me a hard time, I have social anxiety to begin with, so it did NOT help, not to mention the overnight manager had me staying after closing so I could continue to help them with spices and candy, because I guess the night stockers got so used to me doing it for them that if I didn't do them, they wouldn't get done, like seriously I'd come back after my days off and those sections would be a mess, completely untaken care of

so I decided to try asking to switch to an evening stocking position, since I enjoyed the little stocking I did at night, however, my bosses sent me in a wild goose chase, cause the stocking manager told me to ask the office manager, who told me to ask the hiring manager, who told me to ask the store director... who then told me to ask the office manager again.. eventually the stocking manager got back to me and told me and told me the reason I wasn't being put on was because of my schedule, since I was currently working 7-midnight, and the only reason I was coming in that late was because my dad didn't get off work til 6 and therefore couldn't take me til 7, SO what that meant, is if I wanted to switch positions, I had to come in earlier, and to do THAT, I had to have a reliable ride, or my own car, and since I no longer had to worry about paying mortgage, I started putting all my money away towards saving up for a car

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Car:

well, it didn't take very long until things started going bad again financially, while not as much as before, my parents had to start taking some money from me to help with the mortgage again, but it seemed even with everyone having jobs and helping out, for some reason it just wasn't enough, so eventually we decided to file for bankruptcy, thankfully this does not affect my record and only my parent's, but still, not really a great thing

I also heard my sister say that she was planning on buying a new car as well, and I figured since I REALLY want the Smart Car, as it was the car my dad promised me, that and it has great gas mileage, really easy to drive, and.. just the fact that I'm used to it now, I told my sister I'd use my money to help her get a car, and so that way I'd finally get the Smart Car

I eventually got to a point where I felt I had a lot of spare money, and a friend of mine and I thought of this idea for a commission, I'd normally never be able to afford them, but I had all this money and I was like.. "why not?" but before too long, news came that my grandma had an accident, and was in the hospital, she doesn't live near us, she lives in Arizona, but was actually up in Seattle visiting some of my Aunts when the accident happened, my mom and my sister really wanted to go visit her, but in light of the recent bankruptcy, the only person with money was me.. so.. I ended up deciding to wait on the commission and gave them $800 for the plane tickets to go visit her, I would have gone too but.. would have cost an additional $400 that I really didn't want to spend, I still had to save for a car after all

my friend Craig was having some car issues too, he bought this really old car for about $1000 and only $100 down, but it was like... REALLY old, and it had a lot of issues, I was helping him a bit with money as well, since he's mostly homeless (he's currently staying at a Chris's house, so that's why I say mostly, but he does have a job and pay them rent so.. maybe it doesn't count as homeless? idk), I helped him pay for his first month's insurance, since his job as a server doesn't pay a whole heck of a lot, it's a good thing I did cause that car just like.. completely broke on him, the people who sold it to him told him that they'd just gift it to him since it had so many problems and he couldn't even drive it anymore.. but I guess they decided to change their minds and started hounding him for payments, since he never got the title he just gave it back to them, not like he could drive it anymore anyways

the girls returned from their trip to visit grandma, evidently she's not doing well, and probably has a limited time left on this world... and while I do care about her, I've pretty much already accepted this

the time for college was drawing closer, so I was bugging my sister about how much she had saved and if she had been looking around, cause I had a time limit and I was getting nervous, but of course that just annoyed her, however I come to find out that even she only has $400 going towards this car, I mean... even with all the things I helped pay for, I still had around $2000 to contribute, how is it that she only has $400? she has two jobs while I only have one, what is she spending all that money on? I know she's still paying off that old car but.. sheesh, needless to say I was a bit upset at that news

eventually Craig managed to take advantage of a few grants he could qualify for and go to college as well, not the same one I'm going to though, one a few hours away that provide dorms, so that way he could actually have a place to live, and, since he's going to college now, his parents decided to reward him with the car they don't drive anymore (he had made a deal with his parents that if high school ends and he doesn't go to college, that he kicked out of the house, really dumb I know, but I guess since he is now it's like a.. consolation prize I guess... eh, I still think it's dumb) and this car is MUCH better than the other one, however he did still need my help with the insurance again, but other than that he had JUST enough money to cover everything else he needed to do before he sets off for college... all but one thing we didn't count on.. evidently there was a new law that like JUST passed within the month, that made it that if you have a cracked windshield, it will no longer pass inspection, and his windshield was indeed cracked, so, I decided to help him out, cause he already put in his two weeks at his job and all the money he had was going towards everything else he needed to take care of, and he absolutely needed this car to go to college, plus his birthday was coming up, so I decided to buy him a new windshield as like an early birthday present, it cost around $200

but of course my family caught wind of this, my dad was understanding about it, saying that the Bible rewards those who give and such, the girls however were not as understanding, my sister especially, she thought by me spending the money that was supposed to be going towards a car meant I was turning back on my word that I'd help her, which.. it wasn't, and when I told her I was still helping, she said "well why are you spending money on your friends before your own family?" and I was like... excuse me? uhm... who here has been helping pay the mortgage so we could still have a house to live in? who just spent their money to send you and mom to Seattle to visit Grandma? and umm.. has around $2000 going toward this car, and who only has $400? Hmm? HMMM???? ... needless to say.. I kinda shut her up about it

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Friends:

my sister wasn't the only one causing me issues either, my mom had discovered some of my furry stuff and started getting on my case about it.. like I don't think she knows everything, but she has a small idea, and when you live in an extremely Christian household like I do.. then certainly you know why this can be a problem, she apparently thinks I've been "experimenting" in real life too, and that I might be gay, first off, I have never done anything IRL, I'm still a virgin, and plan to remain that way for now. and 2, in the furry universe, I'm whatever, I'll RP with males and females alike, it won't really matter to me, but IRL, I consider myself asexual, having no attraction to anyone of either gender, I'm thinking she saw maybe a glimpse of an RP and started to freak out, but really I think it's silly, if I'm not doing anything in real life, then I should be fine right? I've always been a good kid, I've never had alcohol, I've never smoked, I've never done drugs, I don't cuss, and I've always gotten good grades, honestly, sure, doing these sexual RPs and looking at furry porn probably isn't the best thing, I won't try to defend myself there.. but.. I could be much worse.. much much worse

but besides that, there have been things going on with friends of mine too, my friend Jake has been slowly turning into an a-hole, honestly there have been signs of this in the past, but we didn't really think much of it until recently, but looking back, we totally could have seen this coming, he's a bit of a racist, using the N word in non-joking ways sometimes, and just the way he talks about them.. and then there's his relationships, right after he and whoever he was with break up, he completely slanders them, calling them B words and just saying nasty, cruel stuff about them, and if you even bring them up or mention their name he just gets REALLY angry, now he refuses to even acknowledge their existence, like now he says he's only every had 2 exes.. and umm.. I've known him for 9 years.. I know for a fact that is faaaaar from the truth, but he is amendment about it, he refuses to admit he's ever had more than two, and, Jake is adopted right? well his adopted parents are pretty well off, even when they had to downsize, their "downsize" was still a lot nicer of a house than I could ever dream of, so it's safe to say Jake is used to getting whatever he wants, except now he like.. hates his parents, I guess they kept pressuring him to move out or something, and he got really annoyed, and so he eventually did move out, without even telling them beforehand, and only ever has negative things to say about them whenever brought up, and hasn't visited them since, like if he needs to do laundry, he'll come to my house, never theirs, I can't imagine what they're going through, taking a child that's not your own into your home and loving them and taking care of them for years just for them to spite you in the end

recently though, Jake, Craig, and Dalton all had plans to go to the plaza to play Pokemon GO, since there's a lot of PokeStops there, Craig wanted to pick something up at his mom's place real quick though (this was when he was still inbetween cars) and asked if they could swing by there real quick, his mom said she'd be ready but I guess she fell asleep before they got there, they waited outside her house for about an hour before deciding to go, Craig was a bit upset at his mom and I guess had a little bit of an attitude, he tells me though he tried for the most part staying silent cause he didn't want to go off on anyone, but apparently what little he said was enough to annoy Jake, and Jake just "didn't want to deal with it" I guess, so what did he do? well instead of taking the exit toward the plaza, they when back to Chris's house (both Jake and Craig are currently staying there, by the way), when Craig asked what was up, Jake told him they were just stopping by here to get cigarettes and then they'd head to the plaza, Craig thought nothing of it so he went inside to grab the cigarettes, but when he went in, Jake and Dalton straight up just left without him, he lied to him and then left him, tricked and ditched, and that's not an ok thing to do, Craig was understandably upset

while this was going on, there was a bit of a skirmish between me and a few online friends of mine, I won't get too into it because.. they can actually read this, as they are also furries and actually visit these sites, while my IRL friends do not.. but... suffice it to say, you know how WinterAnswer is doing those YouTube profiles for me? well he's doing them completely for free which I am hugely grateful for, and I made promised to him that I wouldn't rush him at all, cause in the past when he drew certain pics for me to use for thumbnails, I didn't wan to start uploading those videos before I made the thumbnail.. so I kept reminding him about it and probably annoyed him, and I really regret that, but we came to an agreement where he's draw basic profiles of each person instead of game specific pics, that way I could still upload and take things as they come, and there would be no rushing involved, well.. I guess he made an error in one of my friends' pictures that wasn't noticed til later, and I heard that a mutal friend of that friend and I started asking him things and.. I kinda panicked, cause I promised him I wouldn't bug him about them and that he could just take his time, and I thought, you know, maybe this friend is bugging him and.. I just freaked out a little bit, all of the stress of everything was getting to me I guess and I might have overreacted, but my actions cause both friends to blow up on me and like.. really hurt me with some of the things they said, we've made up now but.. still stings just a little, you know? just having someone you consider a friend say such mean things.. and then ignore you when you try to apologize.. sorry I know they'll probably read this and I don't want to reopen old scars, so I'll just stop talking about it, it all worked out in the end anyway, and thankfully WinterAnswer is a really cool dude and a great friend, turns out he didn't mind at all and I panicked for nothing.. but oh well

anyway, back to the situation with Jake, a bunch of us were out and Craig was ranting about some of the things Jake had done in the past, like back when Craig and Jared were at odds, Craig was getting a ride from Jake, and got a call about a court date for Jared, Jake apparently told Craig not to tell Jared, and that it'd be funny if Jared went to jail, Craig thought of course that was going too far, and that even thought him and Jared didn't get along at the moment, that he should still let him know about his court date, well, I asked Craig if he ever told Jared about this, since they're getting along again now, he said he didn't, and I said that, you know, he probably deserves to know that, little did I know that Jared would get so worked up about this, that he'd want to confront Jake about it, Craig told him that if he wanted to do it he could but to wait until Chris's mom and him were there to do it to, so the peace would be kept a bit... but Jared didn't listen and confronted Jake about it alone anyway, Jake of course denied it and accused Craig of making things up to start "high school drama", I however don't feel Craig would make that up, and Jared feels the same way, Jared says that Craig would have no reason to make things up like that, and that he only does things that he knows will benefit him, and since making up a story like this would not benefit him in any way, it wouldn't make sens for him to do it, plus Jake confirmed half the story, he just says the part about him saying Jared going to jail would be funny isn't true.. I wasn't there.. but I could definitely see him saying something like that, that's kinda just the kind of guy Jake is

well.. later, Jake decided to call Craig, while he was at work, mind you, and say "hey, remember when I ditched you? well get over it, f*** you, I hate you, you little a*hole" and then hung up before Craig got a chance to reply, Craig tells me he was so angry, he thought long and hard about leaving work to go home and "beat the living s** out of him" but he decided against it

so, we had this group chat where everyone in our little group could.. well.. just.. chat to each other, right? well, the dispute between Jake and Craig got brought onto there, and while I tried to be as neutral as I could, I couldn't help but lean towards Craig's side, Jake took this as a betrayal, because he always considered me his best friend, and Dalton of course took Jake's side, even though he says he was against the idea of ditching him (even though he still went to the plaza with Jake anyway), he, I guess he really wanted an apology from Craig for being "snappy" in the car the day of the incident, well Craig did apologize, he apologized for everything he needed to, but Jake utterly refused to apologize for anything, he kept trying to justify all of his actions, and say he did nothing wrong, eventually it came to the point where they couldn't be in the same chat together anymore, so I asked everyone else who they think who should be the one kicked, of course none of them (besides Dalton) had anything to do with what was going on, they had no opinion, and remained utterly neutral, so Craig just decided to be the one that leaves the chat, and as soon as he left, Jake tried to make everything go away as quickly as possible, like if I tried talking about it he would tell me to just drop it and it was over

well a bit later, Jake started making plans in the chat about going to the plaza again, but everyone who replied all said they were a broke, and Jake said something like "why you all broke?" idk why but I just thought I'd say "I don't see why it matters, I mean if they don't have money, they don't have money, not like they can help it" to which Jake replied with just those thumb like things Facebook messenger has, I thought he was using that sarcastically and it was a bit rude so I was just like "ok Jake" and then, he put another thumb, I told him "now you're just being a dick" and then of course Dalton jumped on me, going like "I don't see how he's being a dick" and I explained to him how I thought he was using the thumb as just a means to shut me up, and he was like "well maybe he put the second one by accident, you don't know that" which I guess it's true, I realized I could have been overreacting, so I apologized for it, but then Jake started accusing me of always having to give a "moral speech" or whatever, which leads me to believe he was using the thumbs in a rude way, but whatever, I apologized, but Jake really just wouldn't let it go, accusing me of always getting in his face about everything, which isn't true, there have been a lot of times I really wanted to say something, but I didn't, a lot of times I held myself back, and the things I did say were fairly tame and like.. mostly friendly ribbing, so clearly there was some kind of misunderstanding going on, Johnny recommenced we both apologize to each other, I said I already apologized but he said we should do it in person, I agreed, I said you know, there seems to be a lot of misunderstandings going on and I'd be willing to sit down with you and talk these things out, but he refused, he again said he didn't do anything wrong and that I don't deserve an apology, at this point I kinda went off on him, I told him he was being a coward, and that he had changed, and wasn't the one I used to call used to call "friend", which lead to him saying "f*** you" to me, leaving the chat, and blocking me

I later come to find out he's been spreading rumors about me, he tells people I'm a s***-starter, and that I just love to start drama, he's even using things I've told him in confidence against me, like he's apparently saying "taking out my aggression from my parents" on people, which isn't even true, I have no aggression towards my parents, not like he has for his, sure I was a tad annoyed that they keep taking money from me, but I know that they wouldn't if it weren't absolutely necessary, I know our financial situation sucked, and I know they have to in order for us to continue living in our house and not be homeless.. but like.. he's using things I ranted to him about in confidence, twisting it, and using it against me

honestly I'd still be willing to talk things out with him if he'd let me, but he is actively avoiding both me and Craig, refusing to acknowledge our existence if we happen to somehow be in the same room, and refusing to talk to either of us at all

we decided to delete the group chat after that, the chat was meant to keep us all together, but it seems like all it's doing is driving us apart, maybe friend groups like this aren't meant to last past high school, and that we're supposed to slowly drift away from each other peacefully, but trying to keep everyone together like we've been doing is only getting people to hate one another, and it's not good

I guess after we deleted the group chat, they made another one, except me, Craig, and Jake aren't allowed it, but it's whatever honestly

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Things looking up:

in the end I only ended up having $1600 after food, bills, and helping people out, but thankfully my sister got $200 more to go to the car, so in total she contributed $600, and then her boyfriend was nice enough to give us $500 as well, and we finally got her a car, with only a few days before college to spare

I had already asked work about a change of schedule, so now I'll be working 5-10, and with my new earlier schedule, I asked about switching positions, and they agreed to help me out, they just need to find a replacement for my current position, and then they'll switch me over

there was a but of a fright about being able to afford books for college, since I did just spend ALL my money of getting my sister that car, for this semester I needed 3 books, one that is $15, one that is $67, and one that is $107, thankfully, the school has a system where some books can be checked out at the library, they can only be checked out for 2 hours at a time and they have to stay IN the library, but it's still completely free, and the one that's $67 is one of the ones that is available for that, also, my friend Chris is taking this semester off, I asked him if he had any of the books I needed and he happened to have the one that costs $107! so all that's left now is to buy the $15 one, which is totally doable

Jake still refuses to talk to me... but.. I figure I'm better off without him, he's not the same person I used to know, and I don't really need fake friends or toxic friendships in my life anyway, I feel it's probably for the best