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It All Returns to Nothing by Menageriecat

It all comes tumbling down, tumbling down, tumbling down.

My face aches from days of lack of sleep
I've not eaten anything substantial since Wednesday
I went 3 days without showering
I want no one but a couple around me
I want no one but a couple near me
I am not my disorder
But my disorder has taken the reins
And cry and ask and beg as I might
It's not leaving any time in the foreseeable future.
I fight and fight, I'm fighting so fucking hard
But my strength is nearly gone
And I cannot fight forever
I try so hard, and still

It all returns to nothing.

It All Returns to Nothing

Menageriecat

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362
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4
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    Rowedahelicon

    What's happening...?

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      Menageriecat

      A perfect storm essentially. Too many things happened all at the same time, and the result was a trip to the ER, and it's only gotten many, many times worse since. I am not my disorder, but I feel like it's trying it's damnedest to do whatever it can to burn me alive.

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        Rowedahelicon

        I don't know what disorder you have, and won't ask because you are not whatever it is. You are you. <3

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          Menageriecat

          Ah it's alright, I'm fairly certain I've mentioned it here before, and I'm not shy about talking about it (bipolar II). I only get uncomfortable when I go into this rare meltdown. But you are most definitely right: I am NOT my disorder. I can recognize that now, whereas in the past I couldn't. So I say "I'm not my disorder, that is not me, but it still sucks to have to deal with it when it's bad."