I've developed a negative physiological response whenever I'm about to work or draw to the point where I either loose a lot of energy when I start working, or my anxiety spikes in an unhealthy manner which deters me from even starting, and so I put it off in order to ease myself with something else.

Because of this, I have made little progress with my personal film and even though I have a base portfolio and resume, there's an absence of motivation to draw or improve it. It gets more difficult as time goes. I am missing assignments or classes now because I feel ashamed of coming in without a body of work or updates to present my teachers. The load accumulates and I don't know how to approach it anymore individually, or get it out of my mind when I start working on a particular thing or even when I am trying to relax at times.

It's strange, because I still deep down have the desire to do work. I've worked on two music videos and am developing an independent game with a programmer online within a span of a year. But every time I have started work on those projects, I have to go through an enormous anxiety hurdle and grind to get the steam engines rolling.

I'm not sad, depressed, or anything like that as I've concluded. This past year I feel like I have matured a great deal while I was away and I am confident about my self esteem! But, this has progressed over the past two years, snowballing to a point where I realize it's going to do some serious harm in my profession and may jeopardize my school credits if I don't get help.

At this point I've started trying to draw anything at all and relearn how to get back into the pace of things, even though most of my peers are in the crux of things in their film production and portfolio. I understand even if I don't submit a film on time or an unfinished product, I will be better off fixing this problem for good than to push myself into a break down.

Overall I'm doing fine. I've had many wonderful moments this year! I still draw even though there's a personal wall that has been growing for the past couple of years where I myself discourage posting my own art to you guys, or producing new content on this page. I'm not sad, nor do I feel worthless, but I lack the will to do anything. I've lost my vitality to be productive.

I'm suspecting I could have Attention Deficit Disorder or something within that realm. I think if I were to seek a school counselor or a professional therapist I could overcome this personal dilemma. It's scary to admit to you guys that I have something like this inhibiting me, or to throw what I feel like is vulnerable information only to turn out that I'm just a lazy bum all along.

So what are your thoughts on the matter? What would you recommend me doing to get out of this state of mind?

I'm treating my work life right now as a "New Game +" of sorts. I'm relearning everything from Level 1, but the previous knowledge and stat buffs have carried through. I really want to get out of this! I'm trying to eat less sugar in my diet, drink more water, and am just starting to enforce a better sleeping schedule to see if this will change my outcomes.

Question Time:

• How are you doing lately?

• If you have difficulty finding the will power to work, what are some anchors the help you push yourself that extra day to continue?

• If you have a huge backlog of things to do, how do you approach it while moving forward?

• Who do you talk to, or what are some activities you do that help you feel rejuvenated for work?

Thank you guys for all the wonderful comments, responses and support regardless of how I've been acting. So far I've been a wall of text, and it really means so much to me that I'm still getting support all these years!