that's messed up :C

I actually (usually but not always, def not always) find that trans*people have a unique perspective on social norms and mores as pertaining to gender. Since if they've transitioned and pass or even pass in general they've often seen both sides of that coin and the folks I've talked to usually have some very interesting insight on expectations and behavior men and women have. Missed opportunity on their part :(

I could honestly whine about this subject forever lol.
Hopefully stuff gets better there for you. Gosh.

truuth. now, trans masc folks can be hella problematic irt misogyny etc -- but that's the work of toxic masculinity + internalized misogyny combining in a haze of gender dysphoria ... ie trans men etc refusing to look beyond and internally at systemic things without relating it to their gender & trangst.
But I say all that to put it aside, b/c I've noticed a predominate swing in a lot of trans-inclusive/focused feminism that pushes down ftm-directional transitioners as just "bad", mocking them conceptually as clueless 1-demensional "Jayden/Aden/Kaydens" who have no right to talking about their experiences living as women or participating in spaces/discussions for trans ppl. A lot of those folks seem to think trans men (& masc-presenting gq/g+ ppl) "take up too much space" and "have too many resources"...which...y'know. scoff. In the past 10 years there's been a lot more vocal and obvious networks developed by/for trans men, more trans men are rejecting self-erasure (blending in as cis b/c they can), and becoming outspoken about community-erasure (which has a loooot to do with anti-women ideologies, intimately linked histories with the women's movement, the lesbian movement, and the ways being AFAB makes one automatically uninteresting to a cisheteropatriarchy) ...and, just generally making themselves more known....plus there's now a rise in nonbinary discourse, which for years was locked in a "white academic women reject femininity" paradigm, so genderqueerness conceptually has a link with many AFAB ppl's understanding of their feminist objectives & let's not forget how trans women and homophobic cis men colluded to erase AMAB genderqueerness by delineating no space for it to exist, historically; but it's AFAB nbs who get chided for "pushing out, taking up too much room" from AMAB nbs (sometimes deserved, but...)

All to say, yeah, I see that a lot, ppl really mad about AFAB trans ppl existing and presenting masculine && using that presentation as a reason to shut out our voices from relevant discussions && using our recent collective empowerment to scapegoat us + the masc presentation as a shield to deflect any way they could be called sexist for making fun of or dismissing the concerns of female-assigned ppl in a culture that constantly shuts down female-attributed ppl. The things they say and do would be CLEARLY problematic if they did them to trans women, but b/c we hold aloft the gender binary even in our discourses about the failures of a binary and the collective harm it does, trans men are "men" and thus unable to be oppressed by these tactics. (If anything, this in part informs why i feel really resistant to the relatively new conceptualization of trans experience as "always was X" in this case, the "trans men always were men and always were male"; this overwrites ppl's ability to ID their own experiences just as much as "man trapped in woman's body". These frameworks, imo, are really for the benefit of cis ppl, tho i know they hold true for a number of trans ppl.)

:VV blah blah blah, the short version that's less convoluted is probably "UGH I'VE SEEN THAT SHIT, it's fucked up that the space you need and want to rely on and be involved with has ppl of that element being butts at other ppl who need + rely on that space. It must feel kinda unsafe, but it's good to hear that the staff + yr therapist don't hold that opinion and hopefully this pers is a minority opinion."