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I was inspired to write this by some problems an acquaintance of mine is facing, not anything I am experiencing personally.

Imagine you are in a long term relationship where things are generally happy and right, but over time a problem is revealed. A major problem. Worse, that problem is entirely with you and you have realized it. But you realized it too late and now everything about that relationship is in pieces. The other person won’t speak to you, answer your texts, or communicate at all. Worse, your stubborness up until the point where this shattering happened has accomplished the same effect with friends and family and as such, you feel more alone than you ever have in your life.

You miss them all, you realize how you were wrong and how you hurt them. You withdraw from their world and you do everything in your power to address the root of the problem and you succeed. You achieve what seemed impossible. You reach back out to everyone you hurt to show them how you’ve changed.

And you are met with silence.

And then you are met with dismissal.

Because what you did before hurt too much and left wounds to deep. They are still recovering from what you inflicted upon them, and they may never be the same again. Which means your relationship with all of them may never be the same again. Recovering and healing is not the same as restoring, and that is easily forgotten.

Now you feel worse than you have while you were withdrawn and addressing your own problems. You may even feel more alone than before. You are hurt, and understandably so. Here and now, you are at your weakest and the temptation to slide towards what got you into this mess is powerful.

RESIST.

Do every reasonable thing in your power to hold your ground: talk to acquaintances you never really spoke to, admit your faults in public for all to see, take mental health days, take a vacation, quit your job and pursue something else if you can afford it. If it helps, pretend you’re in one of the old White Wolf games: expend every bit of temporary and permanent willpower you have in the name of avoiding even a single step backwards.

No, it won’t be easy. It will be exhausting. And all you are doing is trying to tread water and hold steady.

But there will come a day when you realize that you haven’t backstepped and you still have energy left to fight back against a temptation that isn’t coming. That it has taken you less effort to hold your ground than before. When this first happens, store that energy, just in case a strong headwind shows up. But also begin to plan on how you’re going to move forward, because every day from then on out, it will take less energy to hold your ground that it has the day before. Yes, something might come along and push against you hard, but the normal things won’t take as much effort to resist, because that’s how getting stronger works.