Meet Doctor Cone, PhD. Yes, you need to mention his doctorate twice, it's required. Graduate of Roadway Rubber University, he makes a living teaching the newly molded cones in his home factory.

Before attending RRU, Doctor Cone, PhD had fallen upon hard time, spending his days loitering in a busy street in Chicago. He was often ignored by the city-dwellers around him, and the only time he ever felt alive if when he was struck by oncoming cars (because in such moments, he felt as though he was going to die).

Truly, his story is an inspiration to all of the used and abused traffic cones throughout the world.