"Yeah, har har. You think were-wolves have it bad? They only crave the flesh of their victims! I crave apple pie and carrot cake! I've put on over 100lbs since this started happening! And do you know how hard it is to find clothes that'll cope with a butt the size of MINE right now? I daren't wear anything but sweatpants these days! And I swear, one, just one My Little Pony gag out of you and I'll KICK you!"

Why should were-wolves be a thing, and not were-horses? Although Teen-Wolf would have been a very different film.

Sketched (inadequately) in the interests of diversity (and horses wearing socks). Nevertheless, enjoy.