Missing You by whimsical_sage (critique requested)

Missing You

The currents of fate and destiny were turbulent. Turbulent enough to separate a mother from her child, or a child from their mother. There was no safety net, no real empathy for those who were swept up in their currents.

Sometimes she took the time when there weren't any vessels carrying the Heartless to let her mind wander. She wandered about how far she had grown so far, from an admittedly selfish child to one that wasn't afraid to speak her mind against what she felt was wrong. Certainly there had always been a little spark there, but her friend, Nyx, had truly coaxed it out against the odds. Such an idiot cat. Always brushing things off. Always looking at her with eyes that she swore held emotion despite everyone else saying otherwise. It was dumb, but . . .

As Suihei traced the charm clutched in her hand, her thoughts drifted towards the more interpersonal thoughts that she frequently attempted to stow away under the false pretense that she was doing it for Nyx, not for herself. She had a lot of time, months even, to think about the fate of her world in the weeks spent traveling. Instead of letting it consume her, she had replaced the grief that had burbled in her Heart into determination that hadn't flickered out just yet.

Memories were nice for her, though. They were like a security blanket, wrapping her up and letting her be afraid, letting her be the child that she desperately attempted to hide beneath an unwavering smile. Slowly, she drew her knees up to her chest, heart beating at a staccato that created a dull throb near her ribcage. She remembered the time that her mom had spent working day in and day out, trying against all odds to create a life not only for herself, but her daughter. Certainly there was some bitterness there, at least towards her father.

If she were more immature, she would've blamed herself. In a sense, she did.

Children had a way of letting their imaginations run wild, after all, and with only a few words of reassurance . . . she didn't have much to go off of to cement that some of the reasons her parents had split apart had been because of her.

"Hey, mom . . . " The fragile hum of her voice was drowned out by the whirrs and buzz of the circuits in her ships. She sounded uncertain of herself - another thing she tried to hide behind a mask of bravado. She was astounded that she hadn't given a yell of frustration yet, or that she didn't mess up the pronunciation of the word. Besides, nobody was here. Nyx, who for some inexplicable reason, didn't seem to care much for piloting the ship and had left her to her own devices. Probably for the best that he was asleep, now that she thought about it. Before now, she would've taken her mother for granted, but . . .

Ugh, she must've looked crazy talking to a charm like her mom could hear her.

"It's me, Suihei. I'm sorry I haven't found you yet, but I've been searching everywhere so far. Can you believe that? Me, doing something without you having to force me to do it. I was shocked too, I know, but-" She was ranting already. Good.

Her voice cracked a little. She was a little too eager to clear it.

Trying to think of something to say was hard. Hard enough for one of her blunted canines to bite into her bottom lip in frustration. She was silent for a few minutes before continuing.

"I met a talking cat recently. Kinda surreal right? I mean, all this time, when I was younger, I used to always talk about how I'd love to talk with a cat one day. And here he is, just dropping out of nowhere into my life in order to help me find you! I mean, I almost killed him but-" Her voice lowered to a wisp in the air as her forehead came to settle on her knees. "He's really good with magic - that's really a thing, I know. He told me all about the Keyblade, or, well . . . what he knew about it anyways. And I know that, maybe, with a bit of time, I can master it. I don't think I deserve it, I-" She caught herself before negative thoughts poisoned her mind yet again.

Inevitably, she would lose her cool, but now wasn't the time. Suihei knew that if she did, she'd make a fool of herself with no one around to laugh at her . . . for once. "I never told you this much when you were home." She recalled this with no small amount of shame crawling into her voice. Instead of establishing a deeper bond with her mother, there was only the surface knowledge that she showed her. Of course she hadn't doubted for a second that her mother knew everything about her, but . . .

"I think I should tell you more about me. I was never really scared of horror movies, I just wanted to curl up next to you so you'd hug me. My favorite color is green, because they reminded me of your eyes. I never liked anything spicy . . . " And for the next hour, she continued to talk into the charm. Little things, like how she had seen so many interesting places, and how she had learned magic. Who she had made friends with, and how Caius, despite being a total jerk, wasn't exactly all that bad.

She continued talking, on and on, determined to let all of these facts out until there was nothing left to hold onto. Really, she was surprised how much she was speaking, because, well, she never really bothered telling anyone about herself. It was always for the best that she kept them at arms length, always for the best that she didn't let anyone in so she didn't get close. But everyone, everyone had changed that in the last few months. Laziness had been replaced with resolve, and resolve was supplemented by responsibility.

But that wasn't the reason why she had decided to pour her heart out in the first place.

"I miss you, mom. . . . " She muttered softly, twirling a few strands of hair between her fingertips. "I don't know what to do. I don't deserve the Keyblade, or to have fun while you could possibly be-" This time her voice did crack. The burn of her tears were easily ignored, and before she knew it sleep had claimed her in the midsts of her soft sobs.

Some time during that little hour, while she was sleeping, her companion came across a sight most peculiar.

The girl had curled in on herself, using the chair as impromptu bedding for the time being, with that twilit charm of hers held in hand.

Missing You (critique requested)

whimsical_sage

20 June 2014 at 10:03:16 MDT

Because I really wanted to write something for mother's day last year, and came to the startling realization that even if kids go on radical adventures, it doesn't change much in the way of, y'know, dealing with a lack of parental guidance. So, Suihei deals with the problems of adventuring the worlds on the search for her Old Lady. Why not her old man? Well . . . we'll leave it at, "it's complex" and avoid bringing up the countless daddy issues for now.

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