5 April 2020 at 09:32:14 MDT
The screen flickers on to a grainy camera feed.
Alice: Well, this was long overdue. New look, new profile picture, new digs, so new job ad. My rules are still more-or-less the same as before though so allow me to copy and past the description from my old bounty-huntinmg advertisement.
Hello, potential patrons! Allow me to introduce myself. I'm Alice Hearts, a mercenary for hire at the top tier in her class! Let's not bore ourselves with anymore fluffy small-talk and get right down to business. If you're looking to have someone, perhaps an old colleague you had a falling out with, a low-life who mugged you on the street, or even just a bully at your local workplace, delivered helplessly into your lap for a ridiculously low cost? Look no further! My prices can't be beat! For the low, low fee of ($6.00 CAD), I can have your target captured, trussed up and brought to your requested location in just a few days! You may even select the type of bind and gag the unlucky victim will receive! Duct tape, rope, straight-jackets, leather straps, zip-ties, ribbons, cloth gags, ball gags, muzzles, glue, I do it all! Just send me a picture and a brief description of your target and you can consider them yours to do with as you please! There are only a few rules I have, though. One; no targets under the age of 18. I don't deal in minors. Two; I'd prefer any targets to me roughly "animal-like" in species if at all possible. Trying to tie up something like a Magnemite or a Geodude would just be impractical. (Though one time I DID get paid to tape up a Heat Rotom. That was one of my weirder ones...) I'll let you know once you send me the picture if I deem the target in my wheelhouse or not. And three; please be patient. There's always a chance I'll have unavoidable delays in completing a capture, and I may also have backlog from time to time. Once the target is delivered, you may transfer the money to my PayPal, not before. It makes things less complicated that way. Also, if you want your target "permanently dealt with" but you don't want to do the dirty deed yourself, depending on the circumstance I can provide that service too. Just keep in mind I don't like making big messes either, so if you opt for my assistance there I'll probably just do it with something easy and quiet, like a rope around the neck or an extra piece of tape over the nose. Guns and knives are just a bit too crude for me.
I also except deviantART points (500 points per capture), but please pay through the commission widget, otherwise I won't be able to collect the payment in cash-form.
Oh and here's my old ad picture just for reference: https://www.weasyl.com/~unownace/submissions/1669063/alice-hearts-merc-for-hire-read-description
Here's to more successful business from yours truly, Alice Hearts, Merc for Hire!~ See ya' soon!~