The Concierge of Livestone

***

"I'm sorry, sir, but this madam is currently unavailable."

"She said she'd see me tomorrow. I told her we would go see the duels today."

Marcell, an albino male mink, stated to the irate bobcat, "I apologize sir, it appears that another guest had been quite insistent on some services only the madam could provide at the time. This guest still has madam detained. I am certain that madam is quite upset that she cannot provide you the entertainment you expressed a desire for. However, things are what they are. I do have available several female snow leopards that match your interests."

If anyone in the universe kept rank of the universe's sleeziest professions, then hotel concierge topped that list, just above marketing professionals (lawyers, humorists' still favored profession for this position, were objectively not even in the top ten anymore). Hotel concierges were likened to whores, but Marcell felt that an unfair comparisson, as every whore he had ever met had at least one scruple.

"Why did she say she would see me today if she did not mean it?" the bobcat said through gritted teeth.

"Sir, again I apologize that she is unavailable. The deal you thought you had with the madam simply has no bearing here. It is not the madam's fault, mind. We just prohibit the reservation of prostitutes because by nature of their profession it is impossible to guarentee a certain one will be available at a certain time.

"Now it is quite unusual for any of such service in our employ to be required to perform services for a guest, much less after they had finished a job, as she had with you. As such she had no reason to believe she would not be available today. The circumstances must have been quite exeption in deed."

"And what makes this guy more exceptional than me. If he can take her from me I can take her back. So I don't care if you have to grab her by the arm and rip her off the guy's dick, I want her here now."

Now, the aforementioned facts of the hotel concierge were in fact an unfortunate consequence of the nature of the job. It was the job of the hotel concierge to appease the guest in whatever manner they desired. Whenever some poor new soul started the job, within the hour a customer would ask them something to go against whatever priniples they hoped to hold onto.

Marcel was an exception. He had his principles and he was determined to stick to them, which is why he was fired from every hotel job he had had within two weeks, until he came to Westland, Livestone. He had been able to last almost a year here because the hotels here were, like the rest of the amusement park, completely unconventional.

"Alright, my good sir, I will level with you. The ounce in question is not available not because she was forced into service with another patron, but rather because she requested to be. I can only imagine this was because she, similar to myself, was forced to spend more than five minutes in your detestable company."

"How dare you! I will damn well write.."

"Write what? Write to a travel advice column complaining how you came to Westland and didn't get the whore you wanted and then the concierge was mean to you. People kill one another legally here. Your little whining kind of pails in comparisson

"So here's what I'm going to do, and this is as nice as I get. Just to be rid of you, just this once, I'll give you the chance to have two girls for the price of one. Either take that offer and be happy with it, or I with a single keystroke ban anyone in the entire park from so much as holding a door for you."

"Ah-hem." The mink's face went blank. He slowly looked behind him. A lop-eared rabbit in a business suit stood behind him.

The bobcat laughed. "You the manager?"

"I am the owner."

"Did you hear that?"

"Yes, I did and it was quite unacceptable."

"I thought so." The bobcat sneered.

"Offering a discount to someone as horrid as you simply because you are whining alot is completely against policy."

The bobcat's face soured slowly, "What?"

"In fact, did you not request he physically force this female away from her current charge and in to your service? That, sir, constitutes a threat of violence against my staff and he should have banned you from any of our prostitutional services immidiately. In fact, I think you will be on the next maglev back to the elevator."

"What? You can't throw me out! I'm here with a company group, I don't have a way home until they leave."

"The sofas on the station are quite comfortable."

The badger thought about this for a moment, "No, look, I'm sorry. I didn't mean it. I was just upset because I was quite fond of that girl. I don't want to cause any trouble."

"Well, you did."

"I'm sorry, please, can I make it up."

Henry tapped his foot. "Well, lucky for you I am a leniant rabbit. More lucky, in that Clarence makes me fill out annoying paperwork whenever I toss someone out. So here is what I am going to do. I am going to let you have one, one, of these girls at ten percent markup.

"And I expect you to be a perfect gentleman to her. Take her where she wants to go, buy her cotton candy, those kinds of things. Do not dare ask for sexual favors unless she suggests them first."

"But I don't want sex, my wife'll..."

"I do not care what you want. And if she so much as rolls her eyes suggesting that your company has been in even the slightest way unenjoyable, I won't even wait for the train. I'll strap a magnet to your ass and toss you on the track and see what happens. Am I clear?"

"Yes, sir."

"Good, now which one of these charming ladies would you like accompany you today?" the rabbit turned the computer screen.

"Um, her?"

"Oh, excellent choice, sir. I'll let you in on a tip for her. She likes being scratched just below her left cheek. Not the one on her face, mind."

"I can't, my wife will kill me."

"Well, I don't know about your wife, but I do know about electromagnetic forces attempting to pull your body at four hundred kilometers an hour."

The bobcat stared at the screen again, "Her?"

"How about this girl, she tends to be on the demure side."

"Yeah, her."

"Good, I've sent her the message to meet you at the City Hall, in the Main Streets section, immediately."

"Oh, okay, thank you," the bobcat stamered.

"I'd get going, she'll be there before you and I doubt you want to keep her waiting."

"No, uh, bye," the bobcat took off out the door.

Henry laughed, then turned to Marcel, "You just have to remember, customers are like parrots, uh, " Henry looked at Marcel's nametag, "Marcel. They squak and squak and squak until you get annoyed enough to give them what they want. And when you do give them what they want, it just teaches them if they squak long enough they will get what they want. They'll do anything they can do get what they want except actually pay for it." He slapped Marcel on the back.

"Just remember, as far as me, Therin, and Clarence are concerned, this place is just an expensive hobby. We ain't turning a profit on this place and we ain't gonna. Not the way we run it," Henry laughed. "So we can be jackoffs to the jackoffs. Not that you want to make a habit of it, mind. We want to be nice to the nice ones, after all. And try to be nice the assholes anyway, they could be nice in general and have a lapse in judgement. It happens. But if they're mean to you, mean to the bellhop, mean to the cafe girl, mean to anyone and everyone day in day out, well, get creative. Tell them they're scheduled for the afternoon's duel. That'll get them off this rock faster than a rocket."

"The duelists are usually assholes."

"Yeah, but be nice to them. As long as they stick around here there's hope they'll get themselves shot. Anyway, go take a couple hours break. I can handle this, I like the work."

"Thank you, sir,"

"Don't mention it."