Michael Awesomerocks continued his ride towards Mt. Moon. Darkness began to fall as he winded down the mountain path towards the beginning of the tunnel. As the trail ended, the headlight on his Katana 600 caught a Pokemon Center to the side of the road. Feeling a bit hungry, Mike pulled over and walked inside, oblivious to the fact that there were no lights were on. The power still worked, but when the automatic door opened he was greeted by blood streaks on the floor, smears on the walls, and bits of organs on the desk. The air is filled with the scent of decay. Michael knew this could mean only two things. Either pumas attacked, or zombies. Mike got out his iPhone and linked it to the T-Mobile hotspot. Michael had an encyclopedic knowledge of how to defend himself against pumas but was unfamiliar with the undead, so he did a search for zombie survival. Fortunately, if there was one thing the internet was good for, it's zombie killing tutorials:

Zombie Defense:

Knives* are relatively worthless in zombie attacks. Zombies are almost unaffected by loss of bodily fluids or limbs. Pistols are only good if they're a high enough caliber to deal significant damage. Automatic weapons are much more effective but a high rate of fire makes aiming for critical areas difficult.

The best line of defense against a zombie is the shotgun, the lower the gauge the better. A 20 gauge may stop a zombie but a 12 gauge will blow it into smaller, more manageable chunks. Since zombies know no fear and feel no pain, physically preventing the zombie from pursuing is necessary. Explosions are good for mass zombie extermination but in close quarters the shotgun is preferred. Nuclear holocausts are ill advised as these have been known to actually increase the zombie infestation over time.

In the event of a zombie infestation, do not panic. Zombies can smell fear. Arm yourself with a large, heavy weapon and preferably a 12 or 16 gauge shotgun. Explosives are a fine addition to your zombie survival kit and rigging the building you're occupying to explode is a good idea should the situation get out of hand. Always err on the side of caution with zombies. If you find yourself unarmed or out in the open, run. Zombies are generally slow and dim witted and while dangerous in numbers are easy to evade in open areas.

Lastly, if bitten by a zombie be sure to take your own life lest you become another zombie. There is no cure for zombie. However, only bites from genuine zombies are contagious. Common impersonators are: Skeletons, vampires, werewolves, shape shifters, and young children. Skeletons possess no flesh and thus no zombie virus. Vampires are actually better than humans so getting bitten by them is a good thing. Werewolves are similar to zombies and while not as bad should still be avoided. Shape shifters possess no infections foreign to humans. Young children are irritating and have been known to bite entire lines at the supermarket. Approach with extreme caution.

*Please note "knives" refers only to small, one-handed blades. Halberds, axes, claymores, and maces all make fine zombie repellant.

"That was informative and helpful," said Michael Awesomerocks. He returned to his Katana 600 and removed the uzi from his shotgun uzi, making it a five-shot 12 gauge shotgun. Grabbing a handful of shells and with Hoshizamihirigami on his belt he swaggered up the mountain and into the tunnel. Inside the light was dim; the electric lights guiding the way were dusty and some were blown out, as if the tunnel hadn't been maintained in some time. As he got further in the sound of irritated Pokemon caught his attention. Zubat flew erratically overhead, the sound of tunneling Onix rumbled in the distance. Mike made his way around the corner to see a Pokemon trainer standing in the shadows.

At first Michael was relieved, that is until he entered the trainer's line of sight. Her eyes were emotionless, the flesh on her face was scratched and festering and her teeth were sharpened to points. With a lumbering charge she came at Mike, teeth bared. Mike readied his gun as she closed the distance. She leaped at him with clawed hands. A single shot echoed off the cave walls as Michael stood, splattered with blood. The zombie lay motionless and in several pieces at his feet. He could hear shuffling behind him so he ran for a nearby staircase.

Stumbling down to the next level he encountered three zombies feasting on one of their own. He blasted one's head off as the other two turned on him. Mike walked forward, pumping and firing. A second zombie was cut down with a deafaning blast. The third lunged at him, knocking Mike against the cave wall as his final shot was fired, punching a hole in the zombie's chest. The pursuing zombies were already half way up the stairs as Mike started running again, darting around corner after corner. He encountered another at the end of the hallway but this zombie was different, it was armed. It fired an automatic pistol at Mike, who ducked inside a crevice for cover. Mike fumbled to reload but the zombies were still approaching. He could hear scuffling feet as pushed the last shell in. A zombie approached the crevice, teeth dripping with bile. Michael smashed it's face with the butt of the gun, pumped a shell into the chamber, and blew it's head off. It was too late, the pursuing zombies caught up with him.

"I choose you, Hoshizamihirigami!" Mike yelled, calling upon his Charmander. Hoshizamihirigami popped out of his pokeball, ready for action. "Use ember attack!"

Hoshizamihirigami took a deep breath and covered the floor with flaming embers, the zombies were burned and forced back by the bright flames. Michael Awesomerocks tried to reach one of the contacts on his iPhone but the reception in the middle of a mountain tunnel is really bad. He motioned for Hoshizamihirigami to follow him into a side corridor and the two ran for dear life. They travelled down another flight of stairs and ended up in a small room, in the middle of which was a pile of sifting dirt. On top of it was another zombie. Hoshizamihirigami attacked, burning it and scratching it from undeath to re-death. Mike noticed an emblem on the tattered zombie's shirt; a large red "R".

"Team Rocket, they must be behind the zombie attack," Mike thought out loud. He then turned his attention to two large fossils floating on some quicksand. Michael would have thought about why there was quicksand in the middle of a mountain or why there would be fossils floating on it but instead he just grabbed one. When he did, the other sank almost on queue beneath the goop. Mike and Hoshizamihirigami ran down the only other exit in the room and charged down the final hallway. At last they emerged, blinking into the early dawn. Finally able to get some reception Mike called Neil Patrick Harris who picked him up in his car and drove him to Cerulean City.