Liquid libido, acidic and hot
pours through my body,
pushing aside rational thought.
It wouldn't end well.
We've discussed it, beyond flirtation -
but even my anger and frustration at you
can't always resist the temptation.
We tease and we flirt;
your hands run my curves,
and I begin to unbutton your shirt.
The whispers of exposed flesh:
"We shouldn't do this" -
I choose to ignore; it's all a mess.
I've seen more of you once,
and you've seen me, too.
You're not much interested in bodies,
and I get off on mine pleasing you.
Had some drinks with friends last night. This is about my boyfriend's and my roommate, actually. My boyfriend knows about all of it, and a while ago, we even discussed the possibility of me being polyamorous/polyromantic. (I'm not.) I never, ever just look at someone and think, "I want to have sex with them," so for me to have an interest in Roommate is weird enough in itself. (We all were friends for a year or two before we became roommates.)
No, we've never had sex, though the three of us have discussed the possibility. My boyfriend and I agree that Roommate would be one of the worst people to do it with - because of his nature.
I run ridiculously hot and cold towards him. Like really, this is how I felt last night - and today, I'm pissed off at him for not doing enough around the house.
Yet even though sometimes I fucking hate him, I'm still so curious about what sexual relations with him would be like. Even though one of my friends has actually HAD sex with him, and has told me a little about it - and I know it would be vanilla, and awkward, and all sorts of things. But I'm still curious.
I've only had one sex partner (my boyfriend), and I'm completely devoted to him and wouldn't do anything serious without his permission. I actually generally have a low sex drive and am just not much interested in people.
I don't know, I just wanted to document the feeling so I could maybe stop thinking about it. But then I felt the need to justify myself, explain that I'm not a bad person. Because I'm not, and Jesse and I love each other very much and are doing perfectly well.
Art © Carissa Sudul.
All rights reserved. Do not use in any way without my permission.