Limon & Coal - Flash Fiction Collection by Simplemind (critique requested)

Limon & Coal

Flash Fiction Collection


It was quite a hurdle for Limon to haul his suit case up into his new dorm room. Being a small fennec fox of only four foot meant a lot of regular, seemingly easy tasks could end up being rather troublesome. He was used to it, though. And eventually he reached his new home - room 26 B.

It was a double bedroom, clean, nice and rather spaciously, although modest. Just the way university dorms were. But his new roommate was not here yet. With an exhausted moan he heaved the case upon the bed to his right, which he decided would be his from now on.

He only hoped his new roomie would be a decent guy. But then again, anything was better than a stupid, self-centered bully or a twenty-four seven party animal who plays loud music all day, or a lazy slob.

Suddenly someone knocked on the doorframe and walked in. It was a big husky, likewise carrying his luggage.

"Hi!" said the canine and, upon seeing the fennec's case, concluded, "Seems like we'll be roommates then, huh?"

Limon just starred at the husky for a moment. He had a great body! Tall, athletic and strong. His fur was mostly black, except for his white paws and the cute marks on his nose and ears. If, perchance, this guy doesn't end up being a berserk party animal or a slob, Limon could get used to living with him, he thought.

When the fennec noticed that he had starred for just a moment too long, he quickly averted his eyes and babbled, "Hello... er, I'm Limon. Limon Yalkiman."

"Coal," said the husky and offered his hand with a smile on his face.

The fennec starred again, hesitantly. He just couldn't take his eyes from the man. There was something about him that really got to him. Maybe it were his mesmerizing, bright blue eyes, or maybe it was his general dominant male appearance?

Anyways! Ripping himself once more from the astonishing sight, Limon reached up and accepted the dog's giant hand. His delicate paw was greeted with a forcefully firm handshake. It made Coal's virility only more apparent.

Smirking mischievously, Coal took his hand back. He was very well aware about the fennec's lecherous gazing. With a dry chuckle the husky added, "We're going to have a lot of fun!"


Today has been the first real day at the new university for Coal. So far it consisted mostly of running around the place, getting to know everything and everyone. Receiving schedules and instructions, Getting lists for new books and learning material, registering for seminars and so on. In short, it was quite a busy day.

Now, though, the husky had time for a little breather before his next appointment. He decided to check out the cafeteria and grab a quick snack. A fresh sandwich and a small salad paired with a cool soda seemed about right. With his tray in hand, he looked for a place to sit down, when he caught a familiar face.

At the other end of the hall his new roommate, the fennec fox, sat. These huge ears were unmistakable! Being curious about his new roomie, Coal decided to head over to him. The fox was sitting alone, nibbling on a sweet piece of pastry and brooding over a few sheets of paper.

"Limon, right?" Coal asked, putting down his tray next to the fox. "Mind if I take a seat here?"

Surprised and baffled Limon looked up at the dark furred husky. "Uh... sure," he said quickly, shuffling his papers to the side. "Sit down."

Hiding a huge smile, Coal noticed the short fennec's tail wagging happily behind him. "So," he asked, taking a bite of his lunch, "what is your major, Limon?"

The little canine tried vainly to occupy himself with his stack of documents and the last remnant of his biscuit to avoid marveling over his unexpected company. "Ch- chemistry," he said eventually, daring a gaze up into the husky's bright blue eyes only to quickly focus back down on his paperwork, which was unreadable to him by now. "And you?" the fennec added sheepishly.

"I'm a business student," the dog said confidently. He was ambitious and had plans, and he was not shy to let it show. He hoped to own his own company one day. "I also think about joining the school's soccer team," he added. "What do you think? Do I have what it takes?"

Carefully Limon eyed the husky over, eventually ending up starring again. What he saw left the fennec without any doubt that Coal would be one of the best players in the team. He was slim, strong and surely would look amazing in a soccer jersey.

"I'm sure you'll do a good job. You have a very well-toned body," Limon said and immediately felt his large ears blush.

Coal smirked as he heard the compliment. "thanks!" he laughed. "You're quite handsome yourself."

Just in that moment, Coal's phone ringed, signaling him the approaching start of his next appointment. Perfect timing, thought the husky.

With a smile on his face the dog stood and put a paw on the fox's shoulder. "I gotta go now," he said. "See ya around, Limon!" Then he was off.

Not getting out a simple 'bye', Limon froze in place, his ears burning red in embarrassment like a beacon.

D- did he just say handsome...?

Five More Minutes

It was a lazy afternoon and Limon sat on his dorm, studying. It has been a few days now for the fennec on the new university, and the lessons slowly started to take up pace. Currently he was getting familiar with the subjects of the coming weeks for his chemistry class.

Reaching the last page of the introduction he was reading, Limon closed the big book and stood. He took his learning very serious, but he wasn't going to spend his whole day cramming. Time to kick back and relax some! The dorm had a pretty nice common room with a big sitting area, a TV, games and more. Some of the other students would probably be there too right now. A good chance to get to know some peeps.

"Hi, Limon!" said someone behind him as the fennec was about to close the door. He immediately recognized Coal's voice. But when he turned to face the husky, his little heart skipped a beat or two.

The tall canine stood in front of him with nothing more than a towel wrapped around his waist. He likely just took a shower in the communal bathroom. His fur was still a bit damp.

With eyes as big as saucers he couldn't keep himself from taking in the view. These broad shoulders, the strong chest, and this insanely cute white line of fur that spread over it down to his flat stomach and beyond. Everything still tousled from the water...

The fennec only noticed his eyes had wandered a bit too low on that white treasure trail, when Coal's voice rung in his ears. "W- what...?" he asked abashed with his enormous, reddened ears folding back in embarrassment.

"I asked where you are going, little dreamer?" the husky repeated. "Already have a lot of work loaded onto your small back, huh?" he added with a smirk.

"Urm... yes, work. I, um, just finished studying," Limon stammered and tried to look Coal in the eye and not at his perfectly shaped belly, which was (un)fortunately exactly on eye level with him. "I, erm... was about to go to the, uhm... the common room. R- relaxing some..."

Of course Coal knew that chemistry was the last thing this fox had on his mind right now! "Great!" he said and moved past the fennec into the room. "I'll be there in a moment too! Just gotta dress up beforehand." Then the door was closed.

His little heart thumping hard, Limon continued down the hall. He cursed himself for not studying a bit longer. Just five more minutes would have been enough! Then he might have gotten an even better look at the husky's phenomenal body...

Soccer Try-Outs

Today Limon sat on the stands of the school's playing filed. He didn't watch a match, though. The semester was still young, and today were the try-outs for the school's soccer team. The fennec wasn't here because he was particularly interested in the try-outs themselves, but rather because he had a certain fondness for one of the team's applicants. Coal, the black husky he shared a room with, was here, proving his worth for the team. And he was cutting a fine figure!

Not that Limon understood too much about the required qualifications to join the squad. He was more focused on the nice sight Coal made. He wore a jersey, shorts and his cleats, and he was looking marvelous in it! He was fully concentrated on the match as he run across the field with his muscular legs. He was fast and agile, chasing the ball like a pro.

By now the fennec couldn't deny any more that he had a little crush on the husky. Or maybe the crush was not all that little?

Anyways, as the try-out was over and players and coach gathered for a talk, Limon couldn't even remember the score over his daydreaming. He slowly walked down the mostly empty rows while the team came off the field to hit the showers.

"Your performance looked awesome from up there!" said Limon as the husky approached him.

"Thanks!" Coal responded, smiling happily. "The coach was satisfied too. He wants to have me in the team!"

The fennec was glad to hear that. Coal had earned it! With his tail wagging he congratulated the dog, "Really? That's fantastic! I knew you could do it. You'll be a great win for the team!"

"Hey?" Coal said, still smiling. "You perhaps wanna join me for a drink to celebrate a bit? I know a place."

Limon was flattered. Getting to spent more time with the husky was a godsend! With his blushing ears shyly folded back and huge grin on his face he accepted while trying to hide his enthusiasm, "T-that would be nice! I like spending time with you."

Naturally Coal saw through his failed attempt to seem modest. This fox was an open book to him, and he knew exactly what he was up for!

"Cool!" said the dog as he turned for the locker room. "I'll pick you up after I took a shower!"

The Protector

"Hey! Where're ya going?" a rat asked, all of a sudden appearing in front of Limon as he walked down the hall.

"Yeah, whatcha doin' here, shorty?" a second person chimed in, cornering the fennec from behind. It was a weasel, tall and slim.

Limon didn't know these guys, so he just answered, "I'm going back to the dorms." He had just finished a class in the main building and was packed with his books and notes.

"Didn't ya know that this's our part of the school here?" sneered the rat and stemmed his fists into his sides, making his broad frame appear even bigger than it already was.

The weasel behind him giggled, "Yeah man, tell 'im."

The fennec didn't really feel comfortable around these guys, so he decided to keep this encounter brief. "Well, sorry if I got into your personal space, but I don't think there's a rule that says I can't walk here. So, if you will excuse me..." he said and moved on, trying to circle the rat.

But the rat stepped in his way and pushed him back against the wall. "Nuh-uh-uh! Where do ya think you are going, huh? We're not done here, fox!"

"Yeah, hihihi!" giggled the weasel again. "If ya wanna walk our halls, it's only fair if we get ta know ya a bit. Lemme see whatcha studying," he said and reached for Limon's books, tossing them all to the ground. Both of the guys laughed.

"Aww, how clumsy of you!" snickered the rat to his friend before addressing the fennec again. "You have to excuse my friend. Here, let me help you..." Then he kicked the books across the hall. Again the rat and the weasel laughed together, only louder this time.

"Okay. Ha ha, you had your fun, guys. How about you leave me alone now?" Limon asked annoyed. It was clear that these two were up to no good, but he wouldn't let himself be bullied! He had enough of this shit already. Just because he was a small guy didn't mean everyone could use him as a punching bag!

"Hihi, sure thing, shorty," giggled the weasel. "We'll just help you pick up your stuff."

With a hard shove the weasel pushed Limon to the ground. More laughing emitted from above him. A few other students had stopped by to observe the scene, but none of them attempted to help him as he was crawling over the floor to collect his books.

Just when he reached for one, the rat kicked it away again and the whole crowd was joining the two bullies with their laughter as the fennec hurried behind it. Limon just wanted to get out of this situation.

When he came to a stop in front of his tattered chemistry book to pick it up, a third, dark figure loomed over him. Limon didn't care whether it was another of those idiots. This was already as bad as it could get, provided these morons wouldn't beat him up in front of the entire school.

But he was surprised when a white paw reached down to him and took the book from the ground. As Limon's gaze followed the other paw that was offered for him to get up, he met Coal's familiar face. With his strong grip the husky helped him up and put a warm paw on his shoulder. "You okay, buddy?"

Feeling already safer with his roommate at his side, Limon took the book back from Coal, who had kindly straightened it out for him. Then he said, "I'm fine." and felt Coal's paw slip down his arm as the husky moved past him towards the two troublemakers.

"How about you pick on someone your own size?" said Coal, loud enough for everyone to here. "Or are you two cowards too afraid to play with the big boys?" A mocking laughter moved through the small crowd as the bullies got what they both had coming to them.

The rat got really pissed at that. "Hey! Watch your mouth, mutt!" he yelled.

But Coal kept cool, "See? That's much better. Now you both get lost before you get me really angry!"

Apparently the weasel got the hint and moved behind his friend, urging him to retreat. Though, the rat didn't seem to want to give up that easily. "Aren't you that guy from the soccer team? Why do you even care about this little squirt?"

"This little squirt," Coal grumbled, "happens to be my roommate. And if I find any of you bothering him again, you'll have me to contend with!"

The rat kept silent at that, even though he was still pissed. And after some more of the weasel's whining about not wanting to get into trouble, they finally scrammed. The rat left some rude words behind for Coal, but the husky didn't care much for his bragging. Soon the crowd was gone as well.

When Coal came back to the fennec, he had all his books and notes back together. With his huge ears hanging down he approached the husky and said, "Thank you for your help, Coal." His voice was gloomy.

"Not a problem! I gotta keep an eye on my little friend after all, right?" he smiled to cheer him up. Then, though, he got more serious. "Listen," Coal said and put an arm around Limon's delicate shoulders to pull him close. "Don't give a shit about suckers like them! And if they ever bother you again, just give me a word. Okay?"

The brief hug was already enough to lighten the fennec's mood. "Okay!" he said and gave his friend a wide smile.

The End

Limon & Coal - Flash Fiction Collection (critique requested)


17 August 2016 at 12:34:52 MDT

A cute, little fennec fox and a tall, athletic husky, both freshmen on a new university, and roommates on top of that. Read on to find out what those two boys will get themselves into. You'll enjoy light, short and compact scenes from their lives, presented as Flash Fictions!

  • Roommates (400 Words)
  • Lunchtime (500 Words)
  • Five More Minutes (450 Words)
  • Soccer Try-Outs (400 Words)
  • The Protector (950 Words)

This is a small collection of Flash Fictions I did for Samt517 and myself, featuring his character, the husky Coal, and my newly created fennec, Limon. If you are a bit of a lazy reader, these short pieces might be the chance for you to have a good time getting to know Limon and Coal and to get a quick glance of what I, as a writer, am capable of. If you wanna see some artwork of Coal, then check out Samt517's gallery! And if you liked these stories, there is a good chance for more, so stay tuned! ;-)

Coal, the husky (c) Samt517
Writing and Limon, the fennec (c) 2016 Simplemind