Because the Easter America celebrates makes absolutely no sense
I'm here to shed light on it's mystery of eggs and bunnies
So there was this bro named Nimrod, he was the grandson of Ham, who was the son Noah (yeah the boat dude)
I just think Ham is a funny name
Anyway, Nimmy was all like "Ima merry my mom and become a king"
and that's just what he did
and then this one time he died in battle and all his body parts were scattered around and they couldn't find all of them
this chick named Semiramis told err'one that he could not be brought back to life without all pieces and that he ascended to the sun and became the sun god, Baal.
So then Semiramis pretty much claimed herself as a goddess
also saying the moon was a goddess too yo, and it has a 28 day cycle and ovulates when full
THE MOON HAS MENSTRUAL CYCLE APPARENTLY
and she descended from the this moon iN A MOON EGG WHOA
the day she came down is known as the spring equinox
Semiramis became known as "Ishtar" (pronounced 'Easter') and her moon egg was known as an Ishtar Egg
IS IT ALL COMING TOGETHER NOW?
BUT WAIT, FRACUS, WHAT ABOUT THE BUNNIES?
CALM THE FUCK DOWN I'M GETTING TO THAT
Ishtar had a son named Tammuz
and he was a big fan of bunnies
like their number one fan
and they became sacred in ancient religion
Tammuz was fucked up by a mean ass pig and Ishtar was like "CRY FOR FORTY DAYS ALL OF YOU, EVERY YEAR ON MY SON'S DEATH ANNIVERSARY YOU MUST CRY AND DON'T EAT MEAT BECAUSE YOUR SALTY TEARS WILL FUCK UP THE TASTE"
I'm very badly paraphrasing but this is actually where Lent came from too, and people would put a T on their heads for Tammuz so that's where that ash shit comes from
Every year, on the first Sunday after the first full moon after the spring equinox, a celebration was made.
It was Ishtar's Sunday and was celebrated with rabbits and eggs
and because Tammuz was killed by a pig, YOU MUST EAT A PIG ON THAT SUNDAY
TAKE THAT PIG
YOU THOUGHT YOU HAD THE LAST SNORT
did you hear Jesus anywhere in that? I DIDN'T
It is believed that the roman's and pagans and what not melded all this stuff together and brought it over to le christian ideas and stuff, but who knows, someone does, somewhere, not me, google that shit
THE MORE YOU KNOW
KNOWLEDGE IS POWER
HAPPY EASTER EVERYONE