Balls of Steel by Rob Swanson

Balls of Steel

Rob Swanson

17 January 2016 at 21:03:48 MST

There is a loooong story behind this picture.
The short version is that Zaezar was doing a stream and was offering a few pieces of art for free. (He has a system set up, similar to Patreon, where these streams happen after people donate enough money.) I got fortunate enough to win one of the raffles in stream and got this piece made. Here you see my fursona with a "grumble grumble" expression with a "Proto" logo in the background. Because of an incident from a few weeks back, I find myself stuck buying their products and promoting their stuff. (There's a good reason I swear.) In case you're wondering, I'm all "grumble grumble" about it because this company, and their parent company DYE, make particularly expensive products. After this incident from a few weeks back, I refuse to buy another brand when this company offers a similar product.

Here's the long version of the story.
A few weeks back, I took my little brother out to play some paintball. For the last few years, we had been talking about going out to do this together. However, things just never worked out. Either he didn't have money, or I didn't have money, or one of us was busy that weekend. Anyways, a few weeks ago we finally got to play together. I should also mention that, because I have played this sport for a number of years, I have a jersey and some pants that are made specifically for this sport. (The pants will be important later.)

During one match, later in the day, I was playing along the side of the field trading paint with a few guys. I had dropped to a crouch and was trying to push my opponent to move to another bunker (for easier killing). Well, apparently I had underestimated one of my opponent's teammates. It's always the sheepish ones that decide to come out shooting at weird times. Anyway, this guy comes out of nowhere and drives an amazing shot into my crotch. (He shot me from a pretty solid distance using inaccurate equipment, I'll give him that.)

I feel like I should make a note here. Paintballs travel at about 270 to 280 feet per second when fired. This puts them in the 185 to 190 mph range for speed. Imagine what a half-inch wide projectile hitting you at just under 200 mph in the crotch should feel like for a moment.......

Moving right along, this kid shoots me in the crotch... and I don't feel a damn thing. I remember feeling the pants move slightly, but nothing else. I actually had to look down and check to see if I had been hit, it felt like that light of a tap. I don't know if I was crouched in a miraculous position stretching my pants out in just the right way or if the pants were just incredibly well made.

Because I don't dare to do any testing to find out, I'm going to go with "These pants were well designed and well made. They did their job well above expectations." So, now I REALLY am impressed by the quality of product that Proto (and by extension their parent company DYE) produce. So, I'm kind of "grumble grumble" about the fact that now I'm a devoted customer and will ONLY purchase products made by this company. It doesn't hurt that I also happen to own a rather nice gun and mask that have Proto logos on them. (The Proto Rail is the bomb though. At the price point most stores sell at it's a seriously under-priced gun.)

So, that's the story of how someone shot me in the crotch with a projectile traveling an impressive 200mph and I didn't even feel it. If you're ever looking into getting into paintball, take a serious look at Proto branded products.

Artist: Zaezar
Original upload can be found:

Submission Information

Visual / Digital