Alt title: "Tired of Being Tired"
Back when I'd just started my transition, an artist I watched was doing a call for Gay/lesbian/bi/trans individuals to submit a self portrait and a bio along with it for an art gallery he was doing, where he was portraying some of the online queer communities. I sent in a picture and a bio and was selected and was one of the portraits drawn.
Before I ramble too far, here is Tyler D Graffam's wonderful website. He works are both inspiring and heartbreaking. http://tylerdgraffam.com/
At the time I was very strung out on lots of drugs and bad vibes. I was very tired. I had just started my transition and was very well in the straights of "the beginning of the end". I'd spent so long fighting myself that that once I'd finished that battle and accepted who I was, I felt as if I'd had nothing else. Just.. more drugs. I was very tired. I was very trashed. Trashed and tired.
This was basically the start of the ending spiral. I'd accepted myself, but not the responsibility for my life yet. And THIS is the portrayal of that sort of... empty space of limbo in between the two spaces where I knew, even if I didn't want to admit it to myself, that everything it was coming to an end.
I had to end it if I wanted to start anew. That said, as rough as this is, what is portrayed here is very accurate. My eyes look awful dead. Looking back--that's what I was feeling a lot of. Deadness. Nothingness. Just aimless rambling.
But, needless to say, I've pulled out of that spiral. There's some life to my eyes now. Exhibits A, B, and C.
These days I'm not so keep on sharing pictures, especially when I've yet to get anything like facial hair removal, eyebrow waxing, and all the general basics to help better pass. BUT, I'm also feeling very confident nonetheless. There's a sense of hope and direction, and in the mean time my two main foci are sobriety and paying debts. Oh, and I need to work on my smile. It's a work in progress. Progress, not perfection. And I'm glad to say I'm making it. One day at a time. (hashtagNArhetoric)