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Social Commentary in Adipose City by psion (critique requested)

Social Commentary in Adipose City (critique requested)

psion

My half of the trade with Longcriercat. He did Impact and in exchange I wrote a short misadventure where his main trio were reimagined as three punks in Adipose City.

Alexis, Kass, and Stephen belong to Greg

Dr. Rebecca Stone and the Adipose City setting are (C) Psion 2013-2014
Typos and mistakes are also mine. :P

Submission Information

Views:
193
Comments:
9
Favorites:
1
Rating:
General
Category:
Literary / Story

Comments

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    Very nice :3

    I wanna show this to a friend, but he doesn't want weasyl, and download button does nothing; copy/pasting from this page, results the most sentences cutting off to a new line, especially at dashes.

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      Hmmm, are you sure it does nothing? I clicked it and it presents the file as well as options to print it out or save it to my hard drive.

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        It starts to load for a bit, then stops as if I never told it to.

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          Hmmm, don't know what it could be. Having any connection troubles? In any case, you could show your friend "Adipose City Stories", that's the story that more or less started it all, it's on my FA gallery in my scraps folder.

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            I thought it was just the two for Longcrier cat owo; (When will this one be on FA? He DOES have that account.)

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              I honestly don't know what it could be, do you have the latest version of Adobe? As for my trades with Longcriercat, he has declined to post anything on FA since the big Zaush drama storm and has requested that my trades with him stay off FA as well. Which... well it's his request.

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                Ahh...can you just copy/paste it as a private note? It comes out all messed up when I try to do it, even when "download" works.

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            And suddenly it works... òwo

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            But he says that won't work for him either...