"Remember the time you were young and you stood outside the window of your favorite toy store, your eyes locked on something that you wish you can have; your hands pressed against the glass, your eyes solidly focused on that toy you wanted, your mind coming up with happy moments of you playing with that toy. The need to claim ownership of it was high that you would do anything just to have it: extra chores around the house, good grades, reading extra books, helping out a bit more, and offering to shovel snow or mow your neighbors yard. Bit by bit, you earned enough money so you could buy that dream toy you desperately wanted. In most cases, you would get it and you were filled with happiness.

"Now, with you becoming an adult, your constant drive for toys decreases and is replaced with something else you wish to have - a companion. You find someone cute, charming, funny and most likely available. You eye him more often than anyone else. You think about him more than you think about yourself. He is much like that toy you had been obsessing over when you were younger. And like that toy, there was thick invisible barrier between you two. Very slowly, you became his friend and got to know him a bit more. You hung out with him, met his friends, go to gathering and clubs with him, kept in contact with him through phone and computer. You were working hard to obtain his trust and friendship without coming off as too desperate or strong. You were hoping, that one day, that invisible barrier would be gone and you would obtain him.

"But what if you found out that he was already claimed by someone else. That or the realization that distance and/or money became an issue. Something else, besides that wall of invisible glass, was blocking you from the person you wished to be your companion. Your 'toy' was 'sold out' or is 'no longer in production'. You missed your chance to get him. You still kept in contact with him as often as you could. Your friendship doesn't break even though he is now out of your reach. You hide the fact that you wish that you could have "claim" him for yourself and wanted to be closer to him. A few hints slip out here and there about the need for him to be by your side, but you respect him too much to break any ties you have with him.

"Now and then, in the back of your mind, you wish you could be with him - an obsession still lingers within your mind. A part of you wish that something will happen that will make him yours. You find yourself buying trinkets and other objects that remind you of him. You and your friends remain you that * there are other fish in the sea and that, one day, you will find someone. * As true as that sounds, you still wish you could have snagged that one fish, that unique and special 'toy', that got away."

artwork © 2014 Alex Cockburn