"It was the first time he visited my home. We planned this trip for many months until we both got enough money to split a plane ticket for him to come over. I have a crush on him - kind of a secret crush. Now and then, we talked about doing "suggestive" things online ( adult roleplay ), but in some cases I knew he was joking around. I, on the other hand, was mostly serious. I never told him. I didn't want to scare him off before finally meeting him in person. When seeing him at the airport terminal, I was very happy. I brought him back to my apartment where I made him feel welcome and comfortable. We were so happy to finally see each other in person.
He was only staying for a few days before heading back home. During his trip, he was very physical... as in hugging and snuggling next to me. He never made any moves on me. I guess I never gave off any signals that I wanted him to advance on me - maybe do more than just snuggling. Being our last night, I wanted to snuggle on the couch with him and watch a movie we planned to see together. He was in his PJs and I was in mine. I just wore a very long tank top nighty and he had his standard shirt and sweatpants. I had my tight panties underneath my shirt, hoping to maybe help show a small sign that I wanted to maybe fool around on our last night. We snuggled under a blanket to keep warm and comfortable.
I waited until near the end of the movie to make my move. I was so shy and insecure to make a move earlier. Taking a deep breath, I slowly rolled onto my back and pushed the blanket off my hips. I carefully lifted my shirt to the point where my panties were now exposed in the light of the tv set. I waited there for a second before whispering his name. He didn't answer. Off the corner of my eye, I saw his eyes closed. He was sleeping. This was the first time I exposed my underwear to him and he was asleep. His hand laid close to my hip in the sleeping position he was in. His hand was close to my panties. I watched his hand, hoping that it would lift and those fingers would find its way close to my crotch.
I blamed myself. I waited too long. I wanted some romantic intimacy with him like I always fantasized about while talking to him online. I didn't bother waking him up. I reached for the remote and turned off the tv. I covered myself under the blanket again and rolled onto my side, facing him. It was hard for me to fall asleep. I don't know why, but I didn't bother pulling my shirt down over my panties again. I left them exposed. His hand now rested on my lower stomach. It was still lifeless as he was in a deep slumber...
I really need to be more open to him concerning my real feelings towards him and what I want. Maybe he might get the hint if he somehow feels my panties or even sees them in the morning..."
Is He Awake © 2012 Alex Cockburn