As far as the songs went, I made sure to finish what was left during the next few days. It was a long, slow, and rather tedious process to write all the drum tracks in that MIDI program though. Not to mention I needed to write all sorts of different tempos and fills in as well, compounding the work a good bit. And then all the tracks had to go through some kind of filter to make them sound at least halfway decent before I could get a good gauge at how they’d work. But I chugged along and sucked it up, knowing that it’d be worth it in the end.

I kept my lyrical notebook close just in case I got a flare up of emotion from being in the same room and going over the same tracks again. And I was sure happy I did as I filled up quite a few more pages in that notebook just trying to finish up the drum tracks. I even took a little break from the music to focus on the lyrics when all those drum clicks started to become the same to me. I started to rearrange words, glue things together, and then rip them back apart until I had an almost consistent flow of thought and feeling. I did my best to separate all the mixed emotions into their separate categories and get each of the main ideas down. There was no reason to really go more in depth and really start breaking it up into verses and choruses though. Most of these lyrics would go over other songs than the ones I had on my computer now, and it would just be a waste of time to try and hammer out everything at such an early stage. There was just so much to change when everyone finally got around to meeting up once again.

I was a little surprised that I could still feel some emotion from our fight coming back into me from time to time. It WAS a rather big fight and all, but usually once I’d gotten things out of my system they pretty much stayed out of my system. But, I couldn’t help but think back to the way Andy glared at me… that real firm anger and frustration in his own eyes as he slammed the door hard… and the same feelings I felt as I tore up those pillows and smashed my table afterward. It was all still real, all still on the surface even after a few days time had started to dull it just a bit. And that was something I wasn’t used to as my mind kept flashing back to the events and how they unfolded.

Though I couldn’t really say I missed him, not yet anyway. We hadn’t talked since the fight, but then again it had only been a few days. Andy and I had gone longer periods of time without sending a text or email on occasion, so it wasn’t really leaving a deep sensation that there was something seriously wrong quite yet.

I was actually expecting him to call me first to be honest. Call me and apologize for being an ass. Then I’d say I’m sorry for yelling at him - tell him that I was just frustrated. He would agree, and we’d both make-up and agree to meet somewhere for dinner and make-up sex. That’s the way it usually went... that’s the way it ALWAYS went whenever we had a fight. But, it didn’t seem to be working out that way this time.

As Wednesday rolled around I felt myself get a little antsy. I was REALLY expecting some sort of contact from the rabbit as it was our gym day, but the morning and afternoon went by without a peep either on my phone or email. I was more than tempted to send him a little apology first, just to get us talking, but for one reason or another I convinced myself out of it again and again. Wednesday passed with me taking a few laps in the pool for my low-impact workout day, getting a little worried that maybe I WOULDN’T get a call from the rabbit...

I let my mind wander a bit before shutting it back down. I’d call him on Friday if he didn’t call me first, just to apologize and get some weekend plans going at least. It was kind of sad to say, but Andy was one of the few people I could just… hang out with. Without him I could still keep myself busy of course, but it was always nice to have a helping paw with that when I needed one. And, once I decided that I’d let this go until Friday I felt a bit better about the whole thing. My mind was a bit more at ease as I spent most of Thursday hammering out more details to those songs, seeing things in a different light with a different state of mind.

But eventually Friday came rolling around, and I was forced into action. They day and afternoon passed without a peep, so I waited until 6pm or so to pick up my cell phone. I took a seat on my couch, trying not to think about the new pillows on it, as my paw somewhat nervously scrolled to Andy’s name and hit the call button.

I let out a few deep breaths as the phone rang a few times. I knew he had to be home from work by now, and he was usually pretty good at answering his phone. But, the more it rang the more nervous I became. He wouldn’t be screening his calls, would he? He had to pick up and talk to me… I didn’t know what I’d do if he didn’t. Probably something stupid and impulsive. That’s what I was best at obviously. But thankfully on almost the last ring I heard a little click, and the familiar rabbit’s voice slowly say, “Hey Rick.”

The tone was a little hard to judge, although it almost sounded regretful for picking up as it sent a little tingle through my large ears. But, I did my best not to over-think it as I just took a deep breath and said back, “Hey there Andy.”

And then my thought process stalled. We were left there in silence over the phone for a good few seconds. My mind was quickly scrambling for something to say other than that simple greeting, but all the plans I had before I dialed that phone number were quickly pushed from my head the second I heard that other, real voice. Luckily the rabbit seemed to have thought about this a little more than I had as he finally broke in with a simple, “What’s up?”

That was enough to get me into gear once again as my mind finally started to work. But the problem was that it put me on defense. We both knew the reason for my call, but now I was the one who had to say it. So, taking another deep breath and cursing my luck, I finally did what I was hoping I didn’t have to do. I opened up my muzzle and slowly said, “Look Andy, I’m sorry. I’m sorry for flipping out on you last weekend. I was just getting way too stressed out, and I said some things I shouldn’t have said.”

I thought that was more than good enough as I sat back confidently. My chest still a little tight from actually having to force it out, but I was feeling better now that I said it at least.

But the rabbit’s response caught me a little off guard as he simply said back, “Yeah, you did…” and then let those words hang for another slightly uncomfortable moment of silence.

“Yeah, I’m sorry,” I finally say again, not sure just how to go from here as he was being quite… un-Andy like in his responses. Normally, even if I had to initiate the apology, I’d get a nice long one out of him in return. But today… all I got was a heavy sigh after my second apology.

He did come back with a few words eventually as he took another heavy breath, although it seemed like he almost had to force them out. “And I guess I’m sorry too,” he finally says which finally makes me perk up and smile. “I shouldn’t have stormed out on you. That wasn’t right.”

I was starting to feel a little better at this point. Even if he wasn’t on his knees begging to come back to me it was a start, and I could work with a start. So slowly I nodded and said back, “Well, I was hoping I could make it up to you at least. How about dinner tonight at your favorite place, and then we can go out for some disc golf tomorrow… if you don’t have a tournament or anything…”

I figured I had him on the hook now. There’s no way he could resist something like that. A fairly expensive restaurant, then maybe some love making, and disc golf when he woke up the next day. But, to my surprise, the rabbit’s response was quick and fairly decisive.

“I can’t tonight,” he says back suddenly, and then leaves another pause as I hear some shuffling in the background. “I’m actually going out on a date…”

“A… a date?” I say back, almost dropping the phone in the process. “With who?” I add back in, not realizing just how stalkerish or possessive I might have been saying it at the time.

The rabbit takes it well enough as he lets out another little sigh and says, “A guy I’ve known for a few years. Finally asked him out on Wednesday and he said sure.”

I could only let another long pause go through the phone conversation as I slowly had to pick up my jaw from my chest. I clicked it back into place with my paw, and of course had no idea what to say now. So, of course, my quick thinking brain did it’s best to come up with something, anything to say to break the silence. And, of course, the first thing out of my mouth was, “Have you guys fucked before?”

I could’ve almost strangled myself after hearing those words come from my muzzle, but as I gave my head a soft slap right afterward the rabbit seemed rather calm on the other end despite the stupid question. Or maybe he was doing his best to try and not care. Either way, he casually said, “A few times.”

That really left me not knowing where to go next… yet again. This conversation was certainly not going anywhere near what I expected. All the time I’d spent thinking about how Andy would come running back to me seemed to be a waste as I stared blankly at the wall with the phone held up to my ear. Luckily for me Andy seemed in better shape than I was to handle this.

“Listen Rick, I’ve been thinking,” he says back suddenly as he starts to get a bit serious. “If you don’t wanna be my boyfriend then that’s fine, but I’ve gotta find someone who does.”

He lets that hang again for a little bit before continuing, “Anyway, I’ve gotta run and get ready. I’m sure you’ve noticed that I left your keys on the living room table by now. You can change the access codes to your place if you want too, but I can honestly tell you that you don’t have to. I promise I won’t come up and do anything. But, I was hoping you could send my keys back to me at least. I’d rather not pay the $50 fee or whatever for saying they’re lost when I move out of my place.”

He didn’t even give me a second to respond to that as the rabbit just continued on with, “Alright, I’ve gotta run. Talk to you later,” before I suddenly hear a click and the phone line goes dead.

I let the phone rest against my ear for a second, hearing nothing coming out of it, before I bringing my paw down and slap it firmly against the couch cushion by my side. My head shoots back and hits the back of the couch as well, feeling a loud, “FUCK!”, erupt from my throat. I give out a heavy sigh before letting a few more curses fly, feeling my ass squirm back and forth in the seat all the while as my clenched paws slam into the leather on either side of me. I let out a heavy groan and drop the phone, bringing both paws up to my face to slowly rub and stretch it out a bit.

Well, that certainly could’ve gone better. Andy’s dating someone else? Already? Seems like he had this planned out the whole time…

But, try as I might to get a little more anger and rage built up over it, I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. Maybe I was already tapped out from our big fight. I’d given everything I had that day, and now… what was left was just emptiness. I almost felt betrayed by the bunny. To just run out on me like that, after all we’d been through. For these long… five years almost. And it was all so sudden. I just wasn’t prepared. I had no back-up plan. I just kinda always assumed Andy would be around to be honest. Even if I didn’t necessarily need him around, he’d still be there and be more than happy to do whatever I needed for him.

If anything I was more angry at myself for relying so heavily on him as I flicked the phone off the couch and onto the ground with a firm grunt, watching it tumble underneath that new coffee table as well. I let out a sigh and was left… just… there. No plan, no action, no drive for anything. Andy had left me deflated with his words, far more than I ever thought he could. And even as I finally picked up that controller and tried to lose myself in my game once more, I found it almost impossible to concentrate on anything but my thoughts about him.

After an hour or so of killing and being killed, I turned off the system and just laid back down into the couch, slowly closing my eyes and just… moping I guess was the best way to put it. Damn that rabbit for doing this to me. Damn myself for falling into it. I was better than this. I could get on without him, I’m sure I could. And all I needed was some back-up… some support. Something to do to take my mind off of all this shit that was being thrown at me.

So, instead of moping around any longer I took charge and went looking for just that. I slid off the couch and reached a paw for my phone, snagging it from under the table and pulling it towards me. I slid back up onto the couch and started going through my contacts, scrolling through them until I found someone that I didn’t feel totally uncomfortable texing out of the blue.

It was true that I spent most of my weekend and other time with Andy, so that left the rest of my social circles a little… weak to put it nicely. Combine that with touring and all the one night stands and fuck buddies I had, and actually hanging out with anyone else on any regular basis was kind of rare. But, I was determined to at least find something to do tonight as I manage to pull up a few familiar names and send them all a little ‘what’s up’ text.

I got one or two responses back in the half hour it took for whatever I was watching on TV to end. One was from an old fuck buddy that really didn’t do that sort of stuff anymore after settling down with a chick and popping out a cub or two. He just said he was busy after first asking who it was texting him. The other was from a fellow lead singer in a bar band around San Francisco. He said he was hitting some big party at someone’s place with the name ringing a familiar bell. I looked through my contacts and actually found the name, having to look back at our past conversations to get my memory chugging again.

He was someone from the record company I believe. One of the higher-ups. I had no idea he threw parties in his spare time, but it sounded like just what I needed. A few adoring fans and lots of booze. If anything could snap me out of my funk, that would be it. So I sent him a text asking about the details, making sure to put who I was first off so he didn’t ask or just ignore me outright.

Thankfully I got a response pretty quickly with the time and place, with a rather happy sounding reply to know I was coming. He said something about adding more star power to his parties, and I guess I was a pretty big grab by the way he talked. Perhaps it was some sort of professional party thing to see who could attract the biggest names… I don’t know. I was never really one for such public parties like this, always feeling overwhelmed by everyone there. But, if it was the alternative to sulking in my own large, empty house, then I was totally game for it.

He and I went back and forth a bit afterward on our phones as we got all the details settled out. Turns out he did this almost weekly, and lots of other famous and semi-famous rockers and music artists came out. Plus, all the groupies of course. So I was feeling pretty excited when I finally said I’d see him there and put my phone down, content to slaughter other people and watch TV for now. The party wasn’t until tomorrow night anyway, so I had some more time to kill. I might not have succeeded in getting anything to do tonight, but I could push through my loneliness for one more night at this point. Especially since I seemed to be doing a lot better at my game now that I had something planned for later...