'Cancer' by MunchyPaws

'Cancer'

MunchyPaws

19 June 2015 at 20:19:29 MDT

I’m not exactly good with words… but I’ll give it a shot.

It was Spring of 2010.

I was in the beginning years of my depression. My first semester of college (Fall 2009) was absolutely terrible: grades were suffering, my mental attitude was terrible, and arguments with my father were growing more and more. There was a big amount of disconnection between everyone and myself at that point.

Things picked up a bit going into my second semester... but one of the worst things happened: my Saint Barnard Abby had to be put down. She was going through a lot of pain… and my family knew about it for almost a week; I didn’t get to know about it until a day or two prior to her passing. I was mixed with not only heartbreak, but anger as well. Why would they hold off on telling me about it? Regardless that I was in school. I felt a sense of betrayal from my parents.

My father then decided, within the week after Abby being put down, to look around, and get another Saint Barnard. Her name is Caity. At that time, I couldn’t place my feelings for the dog… feeling like it was a cover up for everyone to getting over Abby.

But that soon changed. One of the first nights of having her... being back at my parents' home, I was lying on the ground... drowning in tears as I continued thinking about Abby. Then, I looked up, and the little puppy was looking down at me... smiling. Wagging her tail, panting without a care in the world. And after a moment, she flopped right next to me. That was when I held her close... and started to feel a sense of connection to her. And a smile grew on my face... thankful to having her.

And I still do to this day…
... And that time is coming to an end.

Caity was limping for the last month or so... and my family thought it was related to her nails needing a trim, or perhaps some little bits of glass got caught in her paw pads. ... And after taking her to the vet, my father expressed to us that the vet discovered a lump near one of her legs. She has cancer... and has barely a month or two to live.

She's been taking some drugs in order to reduce the pain... and that's all they are willing to do for her. We could take her to surgery, but it would be expensive, we don't know for sure if it'll stop the cancer, and she would end up losing a leg.

... Abby was 9 when she had to be put down.
Caity's just 5.
It... hurts badly that she's going to leave us so soon.

What Caity did for me in my time of sorrow...
I'm there for her now.
And I'll be with her every night.
Be with her as much as I can.

And show my love for her...
And my deepest thank you...
For everything.
For showing me how to feel once again, and to give me strength.

I love you, Caity.
I’m here for you <3

Characters © MunchyPaws and my dog Caity
Art © Temiree ( http://temiree.deviantart.com/ )