This originally started out on paper, cuz i was so desperate to draw something, get it all out while i still could without negative repercussions. I havent drawn traditionally in a few years, so i wasnt used to it at all. I was also trying to do this on my bed, with no solid surface >.> went pretty well, all things considered. I was attempting to draw Mizu as a little plushie, falling apart at the seams, fluff falling out, cuz thats what i felt like that the time, that i falling apart. It slowly started to look like a fox, and i calmed down while talking to Mr. Fox, it started to become a kitsune, so i decided i would make it into my fennec, since shes essentially a kitsune. She now is one x3 I think i like her better this way, suits her more, especially with her occupation. Now that she's no longer just a plain old fennec, the title suits the piece. She is now something more, something special indeed.

Now why this is a vent. I myself havent actually felt special in a long time. Or all that great or of any great importance to people. I feel left out, ditched and tossed aside. It hurts like a mother fucker... My depression is a huge bitch and my anxiety is now the problem, getting worse, and its driving me off the walls insane. Most of the time lately i dont feel like myself, i feel like i no longer know myself because ive been in this dark place for so long. I'm just lost, struggling to hold my head over water. It's fairly bi-polar in the way it all acts though. One moment, im happy and super excited, seconds later, with one tiny thought, im anxious and having a panic attack. When that's done and over with, it sinks straight into depression. An hour later, after crying my damn eyes out, im back to normal. It's a growing pattern, and quite frankly, im really fucking tired of it. All this emotional meltdown and breakdowns are so exhausting, I dont get much sleep, i get grumpy. It's just the worst.

I feel bettr for now though, thanks to this. I'm pretty happy with the final results