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Distant (Rant) by LittleRover

Distant (Rant)

LittleRover


I'm a private person.  For the majority of my time at school, university, and general life I have been happily distant from most other people.  My family and the few friends I have had satisfied everything I needed socially and gave me all the support I've needed.  There hasn't been a time since high school that I've felt lonely, even when I spent more than 90% of my time completely alone.

Since coming home things have changed quite a bit.  I got the courage to begin posting online and after a hellishly stressful last year of university got a part-time job that coupled with a full-time PhD position.  I don't deny that at the time of taking it I wasn't interested in the PhD side, it was something to do to put off the stress of the real world for a while longer.  It turned out that position was problematic for a large number of reasons some of my own making but many arising from the impossibility of completing an intense course I was not interested in under pressure that even the most enthusiastic have been unable to succeed within.  I left.  I don't regret leaving either.  But things have changed since I started that position.

I started to meet people online.  The boyfriend who I love so much was the first person who I could talk to openly about vore and not only have them interested but totally engaged.  We've shared so much, have a lot in common (just never talk about politics of course ;3) and opened my mind to a side the asexual, aromantic student I had been never knew existed.  But the more people I met, the harder it has been to manage them all.  I've rarely had more than one good friend at a time, and despite being capable of socialising I still often find it exhausting to do.

Whilst I have met wonderful and less wonderful people, lots suffer from a variety of common problems.  Loneliness, isolation, lack of purpose, and depression are only a small number of the problems plaguing people and as much as I feel a pull to help I am just not able to help everyone well enough.  As a result, I've become quieter in recent weeks.  Thinking that a conversation could become a stressful discussion about problems has put me off, especially when engaging has not been helpful.  I care about the welfare of people a lot.  I never try to cause people pointless harm, although I can't say I've never caused unnecessary upset.  Experiences over the last few months have made me realise just how much I am affected by the sadness of others.

I have a dream to bring good people together.  People who are perhaps lonely on their own, wanting friends and family who they can talk to about anything, relax with and not feel the pressures a more stressful homelife or precarious financial situation might cause.  In a group, a collective of friends without the worry of being shunned for something they are, lies quite possibly the best of lives.  Perhaps it can be achieved one day, and a little farm in the middle of nowhere will be inhabited by a group of voraphilic furries who happily work the day knowing there will always be everything they could ever want at home.

This was a bit of a ramble.  I ask nobody to take this as a personal attack, there are plenty more people out there that I talk to which means none of this is targeted at any single person.  I do have a tendency to get stressed over small things and recently a combination of large things on small things have just made life more stressful than it needs to be.  Broken sleep (probably as a result of the stress) is not helping either.  I'm gonna try and be around if anyone wants to talk to me tonight, but please understand if I'm not too committed to heavy conversation.  Thanks!
 
 
I'm a private person.  For the majority of my time at school, university, and general life I have been happily distant from most other people.  My family and the few friends I have had satisfied everything I needed socially and gave me all the support I've needed.  There hasn't been a time since high school that I've felt lonely, even when I spent more than 90% of my time completely alone.

Since coming home things have changed quite a bit.  I got the courage to begin posting online and after a hellishly stressful last year of university got a part-time job that coupled with a full-time PhD position.  I don't deny that at the time of taking it I wasn't interested in the PhD side, it was something to do to put off the stress of the real world for a while longer.  It turned out that position was problematic for a large number of reasons some of my own making but many arising from the impossibility of completing an intense course I was not interested in under pressure that even the most enthusiastic have been unable to succeed within.  I left.  I don't regret leaving either.  But things have changed since I started that position.

I started to meet people online.  The boyfriend who I love so much was the first person who I could talk to openly about vore and not only have them interested but totally engaged.  We've shared so much, have a lot in common (just never talk about politics of course ;3) and opened my mind to a side the asexual, aromantic student I had been never knew existed.  But the more people I met, the harder it has been to manage them all.  I've rarely had more than one good friend at a time, and despite being capable of socialising I still often find it exhausting to do.

Whilst I have met wonderful and less wonderful people, lots suffer from a variety of common problems.  Loneliness, isolation, lack of purpose, and depression are only a small number of the problems plaguing people and as much as I feel a pull to help I am just not able to help everyone well enough.  As a result, I've become quieter in recent weeks.  Thinking that a conversation could become a stressful discussion about problems has put me off, especially when engaging has not been helpful.  I care about the welfare of people a lot.  I never try to cause people pointless harm, although I can't say I've never caused unnecessary upset.  Experiences over the last few months have made me realise just how much I am affected by the sadness of others.

I have a dream to bring good people together.  People who are perhaps lonely on their own, wanting friends and family who they can talk to about anything, relax with and not feel the pressures a more stressful homelife or precarious financial situation might cause.  In a group, a collective of friends without the worry of being shunned for something they are, lies quite possibly the best of lives.  Perhaps it can be achieved one day, and a little farm in the middle of nowhere will be inhabited by a group of voraphilic furries who happily work the day knowing there will always be everything they could ever want at home.

This was a bit of a ramble.  I ask nobody to take this as a personal attack, there are plenty more people out there that I talk to which means none of this is targeted at any single person.  I do have a tendency to get stressed over small things and recently a combination of large things on small things have just made life more stressful than it needs to be.  Broken sleep (probably as a result of the stress) is not helping either.  I'm gonna try and be around if anyone wants to talk to me tonight, but please understand if I'm not too committed to heavy conversation.  Thanks!

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