(Sappy thoughts ahead)

Not a woman, not a man.
Not thin, not fat
Not smart, not naive
Not great at anything, but pretty okay at everything.

Being stuck in the middle feels bad, but it’s pretty safe.
Growing up, I always tried to get myself stuck in the middle. I was such a people pleaser. I lied, fudged and hid everything about myself to be as safe from confrontation (or worse) as possible, until eventually, there was nothing left of me at all.

And now that I’m a little bit older, I’ve been trying to look for whoever I was before I hid myself into that sort of “comfort pupa”.

I wonder if it’s worth it at all, looking for something ineffable like that. I wonder if anything is left at all, after being hidden for so long. I wonder if maybe, this kind of Jack of all trades is my identity now, and I’m just trying to run away from that.