(Gift for chaoscroc from last christmas. If you're wondering what the reference is, start watching Colbert host the Late Show, it's a spoof of a sketch he does from that, as is this monologue a spoof of said sketch from about a week ago....www.youtube.com/watch?v=i2I21G…)

Croc: Y'know it's no secret that as the ruler of Neo Robia, I wield tremendous power. As a cartoon despot I have the right of cartoon prima nocta, which means I may sleep with any sidekick to a villain from another show. Have Harley Quinn bathed and brought to my tent. But even my awesome power pales in comparison to the great despots of history....Ghengis Khan, Muammar Gaddafi....Angelina Jolie. These brutal tyrants have but two things in common. One, commanding total obedience, two.......A BIG FURRY HAT!!!!

Now that this hat is upon my head, I am endowed with unquestionable power, due to my hats two main attributes, its bigness, and it's furryness! Any proclamations I make whilst wearing this hat are now and forever law! Let us begin....

It is now law that someone who should short change me... shall be surgically altered to be 4'6" exactly, so that they too will be short changed.

The term "making bread" for earning money shall now be quite literal, and be paid in loaves and in baguettes for overtime!

Stepping on a crack will no longer break your mother's back, but will now dislocate both your shoulder blades!

My Milkshake will indeed bring all the boys to the Yard, effective immediately!

(Please contribute more proclamations Croc is making in the comments below :P )

THE HAT HAS SPOKEN