Sweets

Damn you chocolate for making me fat

Curse you candy bar for my broken scale

This is embarrassing - I’m a full grown rat!

Yet I’m so pudgy I might pass for a whale!

I scamper across the house

Collecting sweets

No one mistakes me for a mouse

The way this rat eats

So large am I

People think I’m an opossum

When I’m on a junk food high

My taste for the sweets begins to blossom

Candy canes, peppermints, gum, and mints

Even those hard fruitcakes aren’t safe

Everywhere I crawl I leave my sticky prints

These damn pants are starting to make me chafe

The holidays are gone

Yet I’m still on the sugar binge

The sugar crash is signaled with a yawn

My indigestion would make you cringe

Wait – where the hell are my sweets!

I ate them all?

Damn you fate for depriving me of my treats

All right, I’ll give weight watchers a call

Those discriminating bitches!

They won’t let me in because I’m a rat

You know, it’s the fault of those cackling witches

That I’m so fat

I guess I’ll just sit here then

And watch the paint dry and the grass grow

Wait, is that a leftover stuffed hen?

Well I suppose I’ll give savory things a go