Of all the battles of the city, it is widely agreed that the most memorable of all is that of the Alimentary Canal.

The Alimentary Canal is not it's actual name, being as the alimentary canal is the tract of the digestive system. It's actual name was long forgotten, but may have been some prince, or a wealthy industrialist. But it had become the Alimentary Canal, serving the cities demands and being the exit for it's wastes. In both raw goods, and warm bodies. Or cold bodies, depending on how they were exiting the city.

One such place where demands were sated was the Burnt Umber, a long barge that had been dragged up onto the bank of the canal when it had caught fire one short summer night. There it's hulk had burnt down to the iron skeleton. Which turned out to be surprisingly sound, and now solidly affixed to the canal side.

It was there that madam Malady set up shop. Draping thick cloth over the Burnt Umber's skeleton to make a house of very easy repute. And it was there the Hungry Hog's raiders stopped on their way to plunder the city.

Leering from their longboats, and making cat calls at the women. And wolf whistles at the men. From the lead ship, the captain of these sorry raiders, that pirate prince, the very Hungry Hog himself bounded onto the canal's banks. 'Bring Me The Biggest Girl You Got!' he shouted!

So out came Big Bess the Bounty of Blessings. And oh did she dance for that pirate prince. The dance of the six and a half veils. The sublime shimmy. Movements that focused the attention with precision. And then she spoke, "My sir, do you have a gold coin." And the Hungry Hog, he flips Big Bess a coin.

Asking "And what do you do for a gold coin."

"Well," said Bess, with a smile. "It ain't what I do for a gold coin. It's what I do with a gold coin." while she slipped off her bra.

And the Hungry Hog sure was struck by what Big Bess could do with a gold coin.

Right between the eyes in fact.

Cause Big Bess's bra strap had a 45 pound draw.

TWANG