Practical Theory Crossing between the internal and external worlds, the journey through transitional space.

One of the more common problems I've had the pleasure of dealing with while writing or drawing is the emotional obstacle course that tends to arise whenever real life decides to kick my ass or someone in my general vicinity comes along and thinks now would be the perfect time to disrupt my creative process, which is partly why I spent so much time teaching myself to pick up and put down a project both mentally and emotionally so that even if the thread I was following were ever to be broken, I'd be able to find it again, but as for answering the question of what causes this particular phenomenon to occur in the first place, that took a lot longer to understand as piecing together the answer involved learning a fair bit about psychosocial development and embodied presence. So for all of us out there who don't have an entire alphabet after our names, here are a just a few of the reasons why waiting until you're in the mood to be creative is a really bad idea.
First, you're waiting. Have you ever stood around waiting for something to happen? Its not exactly the most engaging of activities, and what typically follows is our minds not only disengage from the moment, but they often begin to think about all the other useful things we'd rather be doing. Like washing the dishes or taking out the garbage. However if our thoughts happen to drift to the moments where we experienced something that was painful or unpleasant, such as a confrontation with a co-worker or a family member that failed to resolve itself in a satisfactory way, now we have a problem. Not only because our minds have become engaged again, but because they've become fixated on trying to solve a problem that runs completely contrary to our original objective, sitting down in order to be creative. Now there are things we can do in order to resolve this situation that don't involve repressing the events in question or burying them deep within our psyches, or sealing them away within the oubliette if you happen to have developed a palace of memory, and that means we need one of two things in order to achieve a sense of closure that will then allow us to lay these fears to rest rather then simply worry them to death. Or in other words, if it feels like negative and traumatic events have a deathgrip on our minds and just won't let go, that's a topic for another time as it involves being aware of a lot of high level concepts in terms of what's happening in the conscious domains and I've already said too much. So back to what I was originally saying about closure, in terms of maintaining an emotionally consistent narrative you either need to understand the events in question to such an extent that you achieve comprehension, by which we are then able to defuse or disable any potential triggers that could one day lead to future episodes or in many cases emotional satisfaction, which often involves exactly what it says on the box. I'm not a fan of emotional satisfaction folks, as there is a litany of horrors that can easily be attributed to this process, as not only is it particularly dangerous to try and satisfy our emotions without first knowing what they are, but its where the most compromises with the self are made and involves the imbalances in power that arise whenever we're taken advantage of or manipulated into doing things through force or coercion, think revenge, vengeance, the circle of harm and various other things people do to each other in order to justify the anger and rage they feel whenever life seems particularly unreasonable. In my experience though, life doesn't care one way or the other, life just is, which is why I prefer rationalism and determinism to blind obedience as I know which one is going to screw me over, that and Brave New World is the most frightening book I've ever read so send me to the island! Anyway, part of what's happening to us mentally and emotionally is that whenever we sit down to be creative, we are attempting to transition from a view of the world and a frame of mind focused purely on the external, to one that is entirely internal. By which I mean that while the external world cares about things like money, time, appearances and all manner of other socially acceptable expectations, the internal world is a reflection of all those things we try to bring with us whenever we attempt to make the transition. You want to talk about carrying a lot of emotional baggage, artists, oh boy, the stories I could tell you. Now there are various degrees of separation involved as well as differing levels of intimacy, sensation, qualia and experience, which is part of the reason why a lot of artists will say you have to get a feel for things, and why I tend to call bullshit whenever and wherever I hear those words as tacit, implicit and explicit are all levels of awareness that work to define the creative process and telling me to feel my way through what is essentially an emotional minefield carries with it connotations of kindly go fuck yourself. Am I being bitter about having to to have figured this all out for myself? Nah, I just enjoy being a cynical bastard, that and someone once told me that if I thought I could do a better job as a writer then prove it, otherwise I didn't have a right to complain. Who's laughing now random internet comment! Me, that's who! Ah, I've had my fun. Okay serious time again, because artists transform negative or unwanted events into meaningful experiences, we have to shovel a lot of shit out of the way if we want to make that transition between the external and internal worlds as easy as possible because not only does the transition go from the external to the internal, it goes from the internal to the external as well. Which is what we see happening right now as in order to type this I had to be able to build a bridge that would allow for a stable crossing of both thoughts and ideas. Ever wonder why people use the phrase entertaining an idea, well it literally means to entertain it like you would a guest in your house, as not only does that mean welcoming it and any attendants it decides to bring, but being able to make both of us comfortable so that a tense atmosphere doesn't kill the mood and leave us parting on bad terms. Why yes, I did just anthropomorphize an idea, and if you really want me to get into the technical side of things I could talk about how processes like objectification, festishization and fascination all work in terms of psychological association and how all societies are self organizing hierarchies that use those same associations to maintain the ideological values considered desirable by the sovereign power, but I don't talk politics unless I'm in the midst of writing a book as a friend of mine was fond of reminding me, Orwell's Nineteen Eighty-Four was never supposed to be a plan! Of course, I would be remiss if I didn't mention that part of my writing process is in many ways very similar to holding a conversation as while my role is to merely act as an observer, albeit one who is not only invisible to everyone around but is also writing down everything everyone is saying, the fact that events are still occurring within my conscious domain means that I am also susceptible to any of the changes or fluctuations in the world I've established a connection to. Remember I said invisible not intangible, and for anyone wondering what any of that means, I'll get to that part later as the extension of self and the arrestment of the senses are not to be undertaken lightly and if you've ever experienced either of these things you'll know what I mean. Also its impossible to separate these ideas and concepts from one another once you've begun working with them in tandem because of the way that mimetic stressors function and because the narrative structure I'm working with is free form rather then chapter based I'm not able to edit within an established outline so if I ever start to ramble on like I am now, that's why. But, if you know anything about train of thought or stream of consciousness writing, then you'll be able to appreciate just how impressive all of this actually is as editing on the fly involves not only keeping ideas in motion while still being able to suspend our thoughts but an awareness of time measured in moments rather then units. Which is a weird psychological phenomena that involves things like chapter length and arc fatigue but I'm digressing. Whenever we attempt to bring something across the conceptual threshold, not only has a connection between the internal and the external worlds been established, but a door in our minds is also being held open, which is partly why artists are especially vulnerable while in the open state as it means other things can attempt to hijack the process and stow away in the emotional baggage, but because that space between the internal and external worlds is the point at which things begin to transition from one phase to another, we also have a tendency to use it as a repository for all of the . . . negative and unwanted experiences we accumulate over the course of our lives. Yeah, remember when I mentioned the emotional minefield, this is what I was referring to as in order to close that door behind us after we've learned how to transition safely we have to create a space around us where we are either isolated from reality or insulated from it in a way that allows us to protect the creative processes from any and all interruptions. And judgments, and expectations, and personal fears of not being good enough or doing something society considers taboo like walking around in high heels just so you can get a feel for the way women walk or hold themselves so that you have that experience to draw upon when you're doing fashion studies in order to better understand the limits of clothing in terms of character design. As an aside, men in France during the middle ages also wore high heels, and let me tell you, you can't run for shit in those things, you have to saunter, and if that isn't enough of a reason to foment a revolution then I don't know what is. However, bring any of those things with you into the open state and chances are they'll end up as nightmare fuel, or as an alternative you turn them into manure and sure they feel like shit now but hey they'll help you grow. Oh, and I should probably mention that any and all creative energies invested in the process of making the transition between the external and internal worlds can't be reclaimed so if we wait until we're in the mood to be creative we're just expending energy needlessly, so if you feel yourself getting frustrated while trying to make the transition, that's another way artists undermine their own efforts as developing the mental discipline involved in being able to step across effortlessly comes from repetition and reinforcement, and if all of the associations involved with that process, technically its a ritual action but I'll get to that later, are largely negative, then getting into the mood or being in the right frame of mind are all but impossible to achieve because the more unwanted history we have in a relationship where our efforts aren't being reciprocated in a healthy way, the more we're going to want to avoid that relationship all together. Which brings me to a really good point to make, and it involves what happens to us whenever we try to motivate ourselves using either pain or punishment. See, I've known quite a few artists who tried to make a living off of their work, but could only paint or draw when the impending threat of not doing so became more real to them in terms of not being able to pay their bills or buy food then the existential and emotional fears that awaited them whenever they tried to enter the open state. Which just goes to show that you can have all the technique in the world, but if your head's a fucking mess then you'll never be able to make use of it, let alone explain to anyone on the outside why it is you don't want to do the thing that you profess to love so much. But again, the associations that artists form towards their own creative processes and their relationship to their work are typically defined by the types of social environments they find themselves in, and once you start making the kinds of compromises that involve pushing yourself to satisfy personal or financial obligations, rather then taking the steps to secure your own creative liberty, you've enslaved yourself to an ideology that will continue to undermine your position until it inevitably kills you. Yeah, I don't have a happy way to put that one folks, there are pyrrhic victories and there are sacrificial offerings, and nothing in life is ever born from sacrifice. Bought and paid for yes, but even if you sacrifice yourself with the compassion of the Buddha himself, it is only for a moment and when that moment passes, sorrow will still remain in the hearts of those you leave behind. I wish I could claim those words as my own but in truth they belong to Hiko Seijuro from Rurouni Kenshin, but because they struck a chord within me, I will always remember them, if only to remind myself that the time I spent training as an artist is no different from a samurai practicing with a brush, or as one of the tenets Bushido tells us, the sword is a tool for carving one's heart, the brush for revealing one's soul. And whenever I make the transition into the open state, I know which one of those I prefer to be carrying with me. Anyway, I've been writing for a while now and I think that's enough to give you a general idea of what its like to try and step into the creative flow and some of the hazards that tend to wait for us, so if you're an artist, just know that there are plenty of ways to resolve the feelings that arise while you're being creative and that its not all in your imagination. And if you're not an artist but you're still interested in knowing what hell is going on behind the scenes, I hope this has given you some small measure of awareness as to what's actually happening whenever an artist looks off into space and seemingly vanishes before your very eyes. We haven't gone anywhere, well, not physically anyway. Until next time folks, have a good day.

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