Makoa's Pineapple Binge[Fat Fur, Vore, Slime] by Jouigi (critique requested)

On a partly cloudy Wednesday morning, sunlight spread pleasantly across the neighborhood. There was a grey lizard with teal hair sitting on a bench next to a sign that read ‘bus stop’. The lizard, in question, was named Zack. He was unhappy about his chubby figure, so he signed up for a membership to a gym that was in the downtown of his city. He signed up with his best friend, a buff alligator named Makoa. Zack was always jealous of him because of his abs. Though he strives to train himself each day to be like him; every day except Tuesdays that is. Those are his days off.

Zack nervously shifted his slit eyes both ways before checking his watch for the time. “The bus could be coming any minute…” he thought. “Where the heck is he?” Zack was waiting for his gym partner, and close friend, to join him on the bus stop. He was determined to be on time for the bus each day for their daily trips to the gym, mostly in hopes of becoming more slim. The only person Zack could see was a big yellow alligator with light yellow-green scales going down from neck to tail. He had darker green scales going through the back of his head, along with two rows of them going through his tail. And it was no doubt that he was a corpulent fellow. He even towered over Zack in height!

“W-whoa! Is that you Makoa?!” Zack called out to the gator. “Yeah, it’s me…” Makoa responded. Zack was stunned. It was true that the fit gator he’s been friends with has turned into a fat gator! He dropped himself to sit on the bench, resulting in it to break in two, with Zack being on the bigger half. The gator then clenched his claws onto his gurgling, sloshy belly. It wasn’t from hunger nor eating too much. Upon hearing the strange stomach sounds, Zack was definitely concerned. It certainly wasn’t any stomach sounds he’s ever heard of. “Woah, everything alright dude? That doesn’t sound normal…” he said. “Urrf...I’ve been feeling like this nonstop since yesterday after I ate a weird pineapple while volunteering to taste-test fruit...I called the doctor and the appointment is this morning. So we can’t go working out today.” Zack felt disappointed. After his day off on Tuesday, he was excited to get back to burn some calories. “B-But what about our routine?! I gotta get rid of this pudge right away!” he protested as he rolled up his shirt to show his round, scaley belly to prove his point. “Look, I know this is upset for you, but we can always make up for it.” Makoa reasoned. Zack sighed and lowered his tail. Just then, the bus arrived and Makoa pulled himself from his seat to squeeze through the bus entrance. Zack followed and they both pay their admissions before going to the back of the bus, where the air conditioning was always the coolest. The reptiles sat next to each other on the seats to the right. The bus drove back into the highway, on its way to downtown.

Moments after they’ve arrived to downtown, the two reptiles were at a doctor’s office with Makoa still distracted by his gurgly gut to do anything. The doctor, a fairly tall anthro red panda, was studying Makoa’s X-ray example to examine the problem occuring in his stomach. “Interesting…” the doctor thought out loud. “The effects of the mutated pineapple you ate are very unique. Not only did it alter your appearance, but you’ve also developed different types of functions in your body. As you might’ve already noticed, you smell very much like sweet, delicious pineapples. The aroma must be emanating from your change of bloodstream, which is apparently very strong.”
“Yeah yeah, that’s great. But we just wanna find out what’s up with his stomach.” Zack obnoxiously interjected. “I was getting to that…” the red panda doctor responded. “So Makoa, what I’ve discovered was that you seem to have green, pineapple-flavored slime inside of your stomach.” The doctor demonstrated with a close-up picture of Makoa’s stomach being filled with the said slime. “The slime acts as a stomach acid to digest food. The reasons for your stomach aching is that you require nutrition in your body; more specifically, pineapples. They support your newly formed body the most. Regular food is fine, but pineapples give you the real boost of energy that you need. So there’s not really anything seriou-” He stopped to take a glance at the clock across the side of the room hanging over a clear window and hastily gathers his clipboard and paperwork. “Oh dear...I forgot that I have a meeting today. So unfortunately, that’s all the time I have for you today. If you have any more questions or concerns regarding your new body, please contact me and we can arrange another appointment for you.”
“Yes doctor,” Makoa said with a smile. “Thank you so much! We’ll see you next time.”

Moments after their visit to the doctor, Makoa and Zack returned to the main city to purchase as many pineapples as necessary in the store, to keep Makoa satisfied and healthy. This includes pineapple-related products, such as juice, chunks, candy, soda, and yes, even hawaiian pizza. “I get the feeling I might be sick of seeing pineapples day after day…”Zack thought as they left the store. By then, Makoa found himself uncontrollably munching on the pineapples they just bought. Fortunately, he was aware that they were to be saved for later times, when he actually gets hungry. “My stomach’s feeling better already! Thanks for paying for the food, Zack!” he said after wiping excess juice from his maw. “No problem…” Zack sighed, having lost almost his entire paycheck. “You need a ride home?”
“No thanks, I can walk. I’ll meet you there!” Makoa had already began jogging with the energy he gained from eating the pineapples. And despite his weight, he could still run as fast as he usually did! Zack rushed to his car and dumped the contents of the shopping cart into the trunk before pushing the cart aside and getting himself in the driver’s seat. He hesitantly turned on the ignition and drove quickly, yet carefully, through the parking lot. “If it’s a race you’s a race you’ll get!” he thought.

It wasn’t long for Makoa to arrive at his home, moments before Zack could come. He waited patiently near the entrance until Zack finally pulled over on the side of the curb, noticing Makoa’s yellow and green contrasting from the whiteness of the house’s exterior. He sighed and jumped out of his car. “I blame traffic…” he said, refusing his defeat. Makoa chuckled and walked over to Zack to help him carry the groceries inside the house. Zack couldn’t hold that many, while Makoa was capable of holding a good portion with his two flabby, yet strong, arms. The house’s interior was as simple as the exterior; nothing fancy, nothing poor. There was a slight Hawaiian theme to it, hinting that he coincidentally has Hawaiian ethnicity to go with his pineapple-y body.

After setting up the last of the pineapples, Makoa drops himself onto a red bean bag in the living room to unwind with a nearby fan blowing towards him to cool him off. “Boy...this flab on me is gonna take weeks, maybe even months to burn off!” he said as he sweat pineapple juice. Zack, however, was glad about Makoa’s flab. Now he had no reason to feel jealous, as it was an opportunity for both of them to lose weight in the gym together.

Upon seeing Makoa tuckered out from his long jog, Zack went to the kitchen to grab a couple of pineapples from the pile that was set up and slices them apart to consumable portions. He then climbed on top of Makoa’s mountainous belly to feed him the sliced pineapples. Makoa lazily chomped them up while closing his eyes, satisfied by his friend’s generous offer. Zack inched closer to his maw to get a better reach to feed the hungry gator. “Mmmm...yummy pineapples~” Makoa peacefully mumbled, still keeping his eyes closed. The pineapples were supposed to give him energy, but perhaps they gave him a different effect…? He grabbed Zack by the sides and pushed him inside his green-colored maw. “Makoa? W-what are you doing...? Makoa?! MAKOA!! Mmmph!!” Zack yelled as he slid through Makoa’s esophagus. The sweet, tropical flavor from the pineapples has made the poor gator too absent-minded to stop and realize who he was eating. It wasn’t until a moment before Zack slipped straight down into Makoa’s stomach, full of a neon green slime. The poor lizard would have to resort to folding his limbs inwards inside of the limited, squishy space.

Meanwhile, the overweight gator continued to lay on his back, swaying his thick tail to express his satisfaction. By this point, they were the only thing he could think about; juicy pineapples calling out his name from the kitchen, and who knows where else? Thus, he quickly got up from the bean bag and waddled to the kitchen to devour each and every pineapple from the pile on the counter. He chomped and swallowed each one like it was nothing as it made his stomach more crowded for Zack, who was now surrounded by pineapple mush. “Makoa! Let me out of here! I’m not a pineapple!!” he called out. The hungry, hungry gator was too distracted from stuffing himself until his belly distended to the point where it had barely reached the floor. He let out a belch before clenching his pudgy, fruit-filled gut. “More...pineapples! Makoa hungry!!” He didn’t know why he felt and acted as wild as he was, but he simply couldn’t resist. His vocabulary had reduced to him talking in third-person. The gator rushed out from his house in search of the pineapples he so desires, while every step made his belly bounce and wobble with all of the fruit he consumed, as well as Zack. The poor lizard tried as best as he could to get Makoa’s attention by pushing and banging onto his stomach walls. He clearly had no plans to be eaten by his best friend while he wreaks havoc across wherever he may go next.

Moments later, Makoa finds himself in a restaurant centered around fruit products, to his convenience. Without a second thought, he climbed over the counter and shoved the employees out of his way to locate any pineapples that could be around. The employees were obviously upset with his obnoxious behavior. One of them pulled Makoa back before he dove into the pile of pineapples he found. He sternly said, “Not so fast, sir! We don’t accept this kind of behavior in this establishment. Please get back behind the counter or else we’ll have no choice but to…” Though all that Makoa could hear was “blah blah blah”. He was only focused on the worker’s uniform, which shared a similar palette as his yellow and green scales. It reminded him of pineapples too well. Thus the gator grabbed the employee right in the middle of his rant and effortlessly swallowed him into his mush-filled stomach, thinking that he was a pineapple. He went after the second employee immediately and swallowed him up as fast as the first one. The stomach space was even more crowded for Zack with the two workers inside. They all stressfully squirmed and pushed from the inside to try to get Makoa to snap out of it. “I-I am sooo sorry! He’s not usually like this, like, at all…” Zack explained. “He ate a fruit yesterday and it transformed him into the fat reptile he is now. I fed him some pineapples and he suddenly-” Before he could finish, more and more employees slid down from the opening of the stomach, taking up too much space for any of them to even move. The pineapple mush was the least of their problems at this point.

Makoa proceeded to eat up all of the pineapples in the store, along with various other types of fruit displayed across the kitchen. It wasn’t until a while when he felt exhausted and full. He laid around the kitchen with his massive, squirmy belly. It gurgled and sloshed with all of the fruit and prey inside. Eventually, with nothing left to do, he dozed off to let his humongous meal digest. The prey hears him snoring and squirmed as best as they could to wake him up. However, they couldn’t do much with the tight space they had. They even tried shouting to Makoa at one point, but he became too much of a heavy sleeper to hear them. They had no other choice but to accept their fate of becoming the gator’s pudge, with no one around to help.

The next morning, Makoa wakes up to find himself lying on his bed. Except his belly towered over him a lot taller compared to how he woke up in the previous day, where he was already of great girth. This time, he was nearly three times his size, with thick layers of fat covering his entire body, including his chubby cheeks, massive moobs, thunderous thighs, titanic tail, and most importantly, his blubbery belly to outsize the rest of his body. Despite his effort to roll from his flattened bed, he was unable to budge. He huffed and continued to lay there with his blobby figure. Suddenly, he heard footsteps coming from the hallway and into his room. His first guess would’ve been Zack, but…
“Hey buddy. Are you awake yet?”
It really was Zack! But how? Makoa thought he would’ve turned into gator fat by now. Was he dreaming? If he was, how did he get so fat? ‘Zack? I-Is that you?”
“Yeah, it’s me. And I survived your bottomless pit of a stomach.”
“But how? Weren’t you digested?”
“Well...technically, I was, but it just felt tingly all over my body and I escaped as this...slime creature...thing. And now I have slime powers. Check it out!”
Zack demonstrated his powers by transforming into a pile of slime and slithering across Makoa’s body, making him giggle. Soon after, he morphs back into his lizard-y self while at the other side.
“Woah. That’s weird, but cool!” Makoa exclaimed.
“I know! So that’s the good news of it at least; I’m still alive and I have awesome powers. But there’s also bad news...You ate a lot of fruit back there and distressed quite a few employees. So you have to work in the restaurant to pay for all the damages...right after we get you some liposuction.”
“Aw man...First I loose my muscles and become a helpless fat blob, and now this.

“Hey, it’s not that bad.” Zack said as he then climbed up Makoa’s mountainous pudge. “At least it’s a place you’d be comfortable in. Besides, I quit my old job so that I can work in the restaurant with you. Y’know, in case you need some extra cash.” Zack winked and proceeded to snuggle the gator’s towering tummy. Makoa has never felt so special to have Zack as his friend. Despite the trouble he makes, Zack always sticks with him and supports him the best way he can. And now that they have the same job, and are both overweight in one way or another, their friendship would soon improve from that point on.

Makoa's Pineapple Binge[Fat Fur, Vore, Slime] (critique requested)


11 July 2016 at 20:25:25 MDT

Here it is. My first properly-written story, written by me. This one centers around Makoa, and his friend Zack, the lizard character that I've adopted most recently. I've tried to explain his abilities that he has, but I feel like I may have forced them in a bit. ^^'

Anyways, feedback and critique is very much appreciated, and I hope to write more stories in the future, when I have the time~

Writing, Characters ©Jouigi Jouigi

Submission Information

Literary / Story