Ascension of the Exile - Chapter 1 by Jin-Lust-4-Sin (critique requested)

Yet... darker.
It's all he's ever remembered before he met his demise. An unseeable and unavoidable end to his everything he's ever known.
Soon, he himself, too, lost all his sense into the bottomless void, and he was gone. His own grip of reality and the world was gone, as he was soon dragged into the cold and empty void.
He felt like time had stopped, and he'd be trapped in the oblivion, forgotten forever.
If he could still feel something left of himself, he'd probaly have smiled.
It was, after all, the end of him. For good.
That's what he'd always wanted, hadn't he ? To leave the world behind him and be on his own on the lonesome way, and no-one would miss him.
... soon, however...
The silence of the pitch-black void is broken.
He can't tell if his eyes are closing or opening when he feels it coming to his heart... or if his heart has resumed beating at all.
He can't tell if he's on his way to heaven or hell.
All changes, however, when his sight slowly comes back to him and lets him see a light before him.
He can feel the muscles on his face again, because he can feel himself frowning.
Then, he hears a flock of crows from a distance.
His perception seems to have returned partially, because he can tell they're high above him.
Then, the feeling of gravity. He could sense his fur coat again, laying on what seems like ashes and dusts.
He smells smokes everywhere. The thick layer of smoke clouds up the area and weighs down the air.
Then, the sensation and perception of feeling himself, when he knows exactly that he is raising his arm up to block his nose off the smoke.
With much efforts, he finally comes back to the world.
He finds himself in the middle of a forest... a burned one.
The trees tower him, watch over him, almost as if protecting him from the wild fire, too. The barks have all been burned down, but the trees still stand tall.
He gets back up on his feet and looks around the forest in its worst, trying to recall what just happened.
He then realizes something.
It was a horrible dream... but still just a dream, nonetheless.
Abandoned... ignored... left out... and so many more. All the sorts of unexpected welcome he'd get from the society. Nobody needs him. Nobody wants him.
No home. No parents. No friends.
No purpose. No goal. No future.
All such thoughts drove him to the point of throwing himself into a burning forest.
But his conscience was always better than that.
He lets out a sigh, then gets back on his feet and looks around to get himself familiar with the surroundings.
Just a burned down forest. If it was because of a wild fire, it was a nasty one.
Then, he sees a small sunflower at the middle of a crater. Despite the layer of smoke, it still looks at where the sun is.
He walks over to it, and looks at the direction it's facing, to see the sun above.
Fate isn't really as cruel as it always is, it seems.
With a flap of his wings, the smoke is gone, and the sun shines down on the ground like before.
The petals of the sunflower open up a bit more.
A smile appears on his face.
Then, with a bit of time regaining his composure, he sets off, leaving the forest, but aimless in his direction.
He just goes, and leaves the rest for fate itself, while humming a song.

"Mama, we're all full of lies...
Mama, we're meant for the flies...
And right now, they're building a coffin my size.
Mama, we're all full of lies."

Ascension of the Exile - Chapter 1 (critique requested)


21 April 2017 at 05:02:21 MDT

Let's hope I can keep this series going.

Submission Information

Literary / Other

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