Jary Kewpa vs Nik Vulper by Jarylan

High in the sky, the sun shone down brightly, brilliant rays lancing through the skies, dancing off the few puffy white clouds. Once in a while, a bird would soar overhead, or off in the distance towards the rest of the Mushroom Kingdom. Jary stopped walking for a moment, and leaned over the parapet, enjoying the feeling of the cool breeze.

“Mm, a lovely summer day...” he said, trailing off as he remembered Bowser's opinion of such days. “Well, lovely to some of us, even if Lord Bowser isn't happy.” Looking left and right quickly, Jary smiled. “It's nice being out here! No one can yell at me if I decide to slack a bit...”

Carefully, he pulled himself up onto the parapet, and plopped down with a soft klunk, dangling his sneakers over the edge. Looking down between the white and purple shoes, he studied the massive stone blocks of the wall, and even further down, the darker volcanic rock the Keep was built upon. A massive river of lava boiled around the Keep, and most of the nearby areas were pretty barren.

“Used to be wrecked, too, thanks to the that creep Smithy...” Jary giggled a bit, leaning back to look up at the sky. “Fortunately, mum and dad didn't send me here until after that, so I didn't have to help fix it...” He moved his hands up, and brushed the hair away from his eyes.

“Hmph...toughen me up. I'm fine!” He stood up on the parapet. “I'm as tough a troopa as any of Bowser's lackeys! I'm Jary Kewpa!” Despite the heavy talk, and the heavy ivory spikes protruding from his shell, he definitely wasn't the poster child of Koopa toughness that someone like Jagger was. Rather than a more normal color, his shell was purple, as was his hair; in and of itself an odd Koopa trait. The thick spectacles perched up on his beak didn't help matters, nor the bow tie he habitually wore, and the suit cuffs on his wrists certainly sealed the deal. He looked more like Bowser's accountant than a lieutenant.

Staring into the distance, he trailed off mentally into his own fantasies about he was just as tough - Nay, tougher! - than Lord Bowser, King of the Koopas. A light scraping noise broke him out of his daydreaming.

Looking around, right and left quickly, Jary saw nothing. Hopping down from the wall, he tapped his beak with a finger. “I must be hearing things... Or a bird built a nest here? Maybe...” Moving along the parapet, he kept looking back and forth, heaving the noise a few more times before it stopped. After it stopped, he sighed, tapping his foot on the stone and crossing his arms. “I must be hearing things... It's perfectly safe up here. Nobody could get up here!” Though he started to laugh to himself about the unassailable nature of his vantage point, the laughter froze as a figure carrying a long staff vaulted up and over the side of the parapet, to land on the walkway.

“Gaaaaaahhhh!' Jary screamed in pure terror. “Intruder alert! Intruder alert! Oh, gosh, what do I do!” Sweating bullets, Jary dashed around in a panic, flailing his arms. His running accomplished little, as he did little more than run through a simple figure eight pattern before the intruder.

“Well,” the intruder began in an amused, slightly mocking tone, “You should probably try to stop me. Or at least call for help. Or at a bare minimum, try to run in a straight line so you get somewhere.” Despite the advice, little change was made in the koopa's erratic fleeing sprint, which was accompanied by the mantra of “Oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no...”

Finally, with an exasperated sigh, the intruder stuck out the bo staff he carrying into Jary's path, causing the koopa troopa to topple into a heap with a loud clunk of shell hitting stone. “Look here...whoever you are.” The stranger's statement trailed off in slight confusion. “I'm just here to see Lord Bowser, and the front gate guard was asleep, and couldn't let me in. Just point out which direction he's in, and I'll leave you to your terrified aerobics program.”

“Bowser?!” Jary leapt up, landing on his feet. Pointing incredulously at the intruder, he repeated himself. “Bowser! You're looking for Bowser! You must be that guy from Brooklyn!” Quickly, Jarylan sized up the man before him. He seemed to be some sort of tigerfox, with a long bush tail, and brown hair kinda like Jary's, except maybe not as nice. The tigerfox also had glasses, but Jary was busy studding his clothing.

“Hm...red shirt...and...blue denim...kinda chubby...” He tapped his beak again, then screamed in terror anew. “It's you! That guy...from Brooklyn! He's always trying to get in here! Bowser told us we have to take care of you if we see you!” He grinned widely, thrusting a finger at the tigerfox. “This is my chance to show'em! I'm gonna take you out, guy from Brooklyn!”

Rolling his eyes, the tigerfox replied in a bored tone. “You mean Mario? You think I'm Mario? I'm not Mario, my name is Nik... ”

“I don't remember what that guy from Brooklyn’s name is! But I remember he wears a red shirt, and blue denim! And you're not getting past me!” The purple troopa thrust his arms out to the sides, and squatted down, bending his knees a bit in an attempt to look more dangerous, or at least capable. As usual, it mostly just made him look foolish, emphasizing the size difference between him and Nik.

“Look, I'm not here for you, short stuff,” Nik said, turning to walk away, “I've got better things to do than beat sense into a Troopa with more spikes than brains...”

As the tigerfox turned to walk away, Jary dashed forward, climbing up the tigerfox's back, and eliciting a surprised yelp from him. Jary pushed a palm down onto the stranger's head, between his ears, and flipped over him, landing in front of him with a pleased grin.

“I wouldn't underestimate me, guy from Brooklyn! I'm Jary Kewpa! Of the Monstro Town Kewpas, ya know.” He struck a combat stance, as a blue protective light flashed up and around him. “Valor up! Okay, guy from Brooklyn, you're going down!”

Nik rubbed a paw over his head, staring incredulously at the koopa. “Okay, you might have a few skills, but this is just ridiculous.” He hefted the bo staff and took a combat pose. “Still, this should be a riot. Me versus the most clueless troopa in the entire Keep.”

Giggling to himself, Jary raised up his left hand, and put two fingers into his beak, letting out a shrill whistle. “Whoever said I would be alone?” Hearing the call to action, a pair of green shelled troopas jumped down from a higher tower behind Nik, while a red shelled troopa landed between Nik and Jary himself. “It's that guy from Brooklyn! Get him!”

Though looking slightly dubious, the three troopas began to advance. Quickly, Nik turned and sprang off towards the two troopas behind him, his quick pounce sending one tumbling back down the parapet towards the tower, and stairs down. Unfortunately, being a green shelled koopa, never the brightest kind, his partner turned to watch him tumble, allowing Nik to catch him underneath his rump with an upward strike from the staff, sending him quickly sliding on his shell after his tumbling friend.

As Nik turned back towards the other two, the red koopa leapt up at him with a fierce battle...something. The noise was a little hard to quantify, but the abrupt expression of pain wasn't as hard to figure out. “Ow!” yelled the shelled warrior as the downward strike connected.

Pulling into his shell instinctively, the koopa's shell landed with a klunk near Nik, sliding towards him. Spining quickly, the tigerfox pulled the momentum in a wide, almost baseball swing with the staff, sending it shooting back towards Jary.

“Ayiieee!” Jumping over the sliding red shell, Jary landed back on his feet with a smug look. “Hah, it will take more than that, guy from Brooklyn!” Unfortunately, during his bravado laden statement, the shell rebounded with a smack off the corner wall of the parapet, and came screaming back towards his rear. When it impacted him, several things happened. There was a loud clack as the red koopa impacted him, rocketing off deeper into the Keep through the air. Second was the slightly less loud hollow clunk as Jarylan smashed forward to the ground. Finally, there was a very quiet whimpering as Jary lay there for a bit, wounded in body and pride.

Shaking his head, Nik turned and started to walk towards the stairs himself. “Well, that was pathetic. And now that you're done, I think I'll go find Bowser. See ya, loser.” Hoisting the staff over one shoulder, he didn't notice Jary raise up to his knees.

“Hmph...Mega...Recovery...” He managed to intone the words in a pained whimper, but the effect was immediate as several small sparkling green stars swirled around him, tending wounds and easing his pain. Well, the physical pain anyway. Only way to cure the wounded pride was victory!

As Nik walked a long, something small, round and black flew over and past him, landing a short ways away. It quickly exploded with bang, scuffing the stone. “Whoa! What the he...” Turning quickly, Nik left the exclamation short in favor of a different statement. “Oh, come on....give it up.”

Jary growled, putting the bob-omb in his left hand back into his shell for later. “No way, guy from Brooklyn! Let's see how you deal with this!” He shifted a bit, his eyes taking on a soft purple glow, and bugging out a bit. “Static E!” he yelled, as a charge filled the air.

Nik braced himself, his fur standing on end. But other than some slight discomfort, a few small pops, and a ruined hairstyle, nothing happened. Based on his grin, however, the purple troopa obviously couldn't see how ineffective his attack had been. Instead he rushed forward to punch the tigerfox, yelling. “Got ya now!”

Rather than defend himself in a traditional way, Nik waited for the inevitable discharge that was coming. When the the koopa's fist touched his stomach, he winced slightly, but not from the pain of the blow. Jary meanwhile, yelped as a loud crack filled the air. “Ow, my hand! What the hey...”

Taking the opportunity while the bookish reptile was preoccupied, Nik hefted the staff up, and stabbed the point down onto the small koopa's sneaker, about where he figured the last two toes were. “Yeowch!”, was his reply, as the koopa wrapped both hands around his foot, hopping around on one leg like an idiot. Quickly, Nik wound up for a simple strike intended to knock the little idiot off the wall. He hated to do it, but as long as the purple shelled troopa was around, he wasn't going to get anywhere.

As he swung the staff though, Jary quickly leapt over it, landing on his two feet. Nik stabbed the staff forward to prod him, but the turtle ducked. When he tried a sweeping move, his opponent simply leapt up, taunting “Nyah, nyah! Can't hit me, big guy!” With a growl of frustration, Nik moved closer, launching a flurry of attacks at the diminutive nuisance. Most them missed given the thing's surprising agility, but there were a few thuds of staff on shell here and there. Finally, having backed Jary into a corner, Nik grunted and smashed the staff down hard.

Unfortunately, or fortunately, depending on who you are, his blow was sidestepped at the last moment. As the staff thoked against the ground, Jary seized the opportunity and pounced! Right upon the staff. Wrapping his hands around it, he bit into the end with his sharp beak, latching onto it. “Got ya! Mmph!”

Frazzled and annoyed, Nik yanked back on the staff, trying to dislodge the koopa from it. He growled. “Hey, get off there! You're ruining the end of it!” Stuck good to the end of the staff, Jary held his ground - so to speak - as Nik pulled him along the stone floor. Yelling at the koopa to get lost, Nik hefted up the staff, swinging it this way and that; Jary hanging from the end all the while.

In desperation, the tigerfox started to swing the staff around in a circle, hoping that centrifugal force would do his work for him. For a while it seemed to have no effect, besides making Jary's eyes go swirly. Screaming as best he could with a beak full of bo staff, the stubborn lieutenant held on for dear life. It became a contest in the end, between how dizzy Nik was getting, and how long Jary could hang on. In the end, Jary lost the contest, being flung off back down the parapet towards the stairs.

There was a gasp of pain as the koopa smashed into something, spiked shell back first. It took Jary's dizzy, disoriented mind a minute to realize it wasn't him who gasped. Looking left and right, he spied massive clawed yellow feet. With a gulp of fear, he looked up and behind him at the lord of the Keep, King of the Koopas, Lord Bowser. Who was rubbing some marks on his stomach that looked suspiciously like the sort of marks Jary's shell spikes would make. The muttered cursing under his breath did little to help assuage Jary's fear, as Bowser looked down at him.

His lord's eyes narrowed in displeasure as he took in the troopa sitting down in front of him. “Jary, you little, IDIOT!” The bellowed roar moved enough air to ruffle Jary's hair, and swallowed his fearful eep whole. Quickly, he turned himself around, and started to scoot back from Bowser, who stomped forward. “If you spot an intruder, you're supposed to head down the tower steps...and ring the bell. And further more...”

The massive stomped steps seemed to shake the parapet, practically bouncing Jary up off the floor as the troopa tried to back away from Bowser's wrath. “Nik is a guest to the Keep! I told you all about him this morning during your daily briefing!” As the massive shelled beast yelled, sparks and embers trailed a bit from his fanged mouth. “You're lucky I don't chuck you into the dungeon like that lazy, good for nothing gate guard...” He reached forward, gripping the back of Jary's shell, hauling the littler koopa up to his face. “Unfortunately, I promised your parents that I would turn you into something useful, and so help me, I'll do it even if it kills you...”

Faced with his liege lord's rage, Jary could think of only one thing to defend himself with. “Bu...but... it's the guy from Brooklyn. You always said we should take care of that guy...”

A massive roar of exasperation filled the Keep, and rebounded off the nearest hills in the Mushroom Kingdom as Bowser smashed his other beefy first down onto Jary's head, knocking the koopa down into his shell, before tossing him into the stairs of the tower.

“Damnit, I'm not the guy from Brooklyn! I mean Mario! I'm not Mario!”

Nik's final exasperated yell was the last thing Jary heard before started his long, tumbling trip down the stairs of the tower to the ground floor of the castle. It didn't help when the final jarring impact set off the other bob-omb he kept in his shell...

Jary Kewpa vs Nik Vulper


20 January 2014 at 16:21:13 MST

So, this idea of Jary Kewpa trying to fight off Nik Vulper came to me while I was busy being derptastic on #TFTuesday. So, I wrote a very short little scene, with the most derpy Koopa Troopa ever seen. Hopefully, Nik will enjoy it, but even if not...hey, I had fun!

Submission Information

Literary / Story