I’ve always struggled to find descriptive words for myself, to even know who I am. For now, there are no names, no definition. Something nebulous, something that might never be defined. Something similar, but not quite. And for now, I'm fine with that. It's a thing to be explored, and perhaps I'll find a name for it. But even if I do, a word can not contain my essence, cannot contain me.

I feel a tie to my femininity. I’ve lived life with a female gaze, lived the female experience, feel a sense of “sameness” in female relationships, feel connected to "female" in all that, yet the female label doesn’t quite seem right. I find it the same with other terms too - a feeling of “not quite.”

Nothing fits, but perhaps it is that I’m just not easily defined.

It is what it is; I am what I am. So bin ich eben.