Sign In

Close
Forgot your password? No account yet?

The Asylum Contract teaser pg33 by hattonslayden

The Asylum Contract teaser pg33

hattonslayden

he's coming

Submission Information

Views:
185
Comments:
5
Favorites:
2
Rating:
General
Category:
Visual / Digital

Comments

  • Link

    Hmm, something weird going on in that second panel... not sure entirely what to suggest with it, but it does make me think that letting her speech be maybe a little staggered would bring across the feeling of someone overwhelmed well... though, at the same time, the art does that already, so perhaps it just wants to be "[...]to your place, so i can have a little more time[...]"

    • Link

      i wanted her to say "can we just go home and give me some time to get used to all this?" but his place is not her "home" yet so it felt awkward for logic even if it flowed more naturally

      • Link

        Yeah... I mean, just swapping "home" for "to your place", then that would work fine, i think :) Acclimatize /is/ kind of a big word to be using if you're... i guess, recovering from a fight/flight response type moment, and something a little simpler would work well :) Hm, or perhaps even actually run with that this /isn't/ her home, and literally have her say that first, and then where she gets cut off being her going "or your plac..." - let her correct herself, but also keep the abrupt interruption.

        (sorry, i'm a part time writer, i can't help end up bogged down a bit in this kind of stuff ;) Hope it at least helps a bit :D )

        • Link

          no problem. how about

          i just need some time to get "used" to all of this. can we just go back to your pla...

          • Link

            Yes, perfect! That flows really well :)