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Down the Hatch by Guei-Girl

Down the Hatch

The Dark Crystal is a trademark of Jim Henson (RIP my good man). Twilight is a trademark of Stephenie Meyer. I don't own either franchise, nor do I plan to make a profit off of them.

I do however, own the Realms of Alerfa, the world of Dragnar and my character Mayarie. Don't you dare steal them, or you will pay the price!

Edward and Bella were doomed.

It all started with a visit to a mysterious museum that held a pristine crystal ball. Bella was attracted to the sparkles of the crystal ball, saying that the ball reminded her of Edward Cullen. Edward was flattered and wanted to put the crystal ball on display in the Cullen family's residence.

But here, things got worse. Just before Edward can smash the glass and take the ball, a strange portal opened up right in front of the foolish lovers. Edward and Bella tried to escape, but just before they can move even a little muscle, the huge hands came in and took them away faster than you can say "Supercallafreakinawesome!"

The moment the portal sucked them in, Edward and Bella were doomed from the get go. They were sent to Dragnar and were stuck in a dark, eerie castle in the middle of a dark and twisted landscape.

"Where are we Edward?" Bella asked in terror.

"How am I suppose to know?" Edward growled as his incandescent flesh sparkled in the dim light. "Let me carry you around Bella. I don't want you breaking your bones from your cute endearing clumsiness."

As Edward carried Bella around the creepy palace, they were greeted by a humanoid woman with dragon wings and horns. The woman had long blonde hair that flowed down to her knees, her eyes were a brilliant shade of violet, and wore a purple shawl-like cloak embroided with gold and wore a matching low cut purple dress that was slightly above her knees. Her blonde hair was flowing out the opening of her cloak.

"Hello...!" The woman said seductively. "I see we have some visitors here."

Bella gave the dragon woman a nasty look. "Leave Edward alone you tramp. He's mine, and mine ONLY!"

The woman was furious and grabbed Bella by the hair. "What did you call me you little...?"

"Ladies. Calm down!" Edward shouted as a fight almost erupted between the bewitching dragon woman and the dull Mary Sue. "Bella is mine and mine only. I am devoted to her, whether you like it or not."

"I wasn't even interested in you jerk ass." the woman spat. "Besides, I'm already married."

Bella's curiousity gotten the best of her. "What does your husband look like?"

The dragon woman shot a nasty look at Bella. "It's none of your business brat."

"Why you..."Edward growled as he puts Bella on the ground and tries to start a fight. But before the fight began, a shadow engulfed Edward and Bella and loud breathing noises and rustling noises were heard. "Holy crow, what's that?"

As the figure showed itself, the dragon woman smiles and Edward and Bella cowered in fear. "Hi darling, look at the intruders I caught."

The creature that entered the room was still on the young side as his race goes. His skin, however, was rather gnarly and leathery. His face was thin and birdlike, only, his beak had small razor sharp teeth as well. He wore robes and armor threaded with both gold and platinum. Colors varied from black mixed with either reds, blues or purple. His hands were elongated and this with sharp claws at the end of his bony, yet strong fingers. His eyes were a brilliant shade of blue and his skin was many shades of gray and blueish-Grey. Both Bella and Edward looked dwarfed to the creature's seven foot tall height.

"Well, Mayarie, It looks like you caught an interesting pair of intruders." The creature said to the woman, who was apparently enamoured with him as he was with her.

Bella was shocked and horrified with what was going on. "That's your husband? THAT THING IS YOUR HUSBAND? Why is your husband a hideous monster and not a smoldering hot Adonis?"

The creature went over to Bella and slapped her across the face as hard as he could. In fact, he slapped Bella so hard, that he knocked some back molars out of her mouth. "Silence you cur. I am Emperor SkekSo, Emperor of the Skeksis. How dare you insult me like that!"

"Leave her alone you..." Before Edward can strike back in protest, Mayarie casted a spell on both Bella and Edward. As she casted the spell, the lovers were unconscious and fell to the ground.

"That shall silence them for a little bit." Mayarie cackled. That was the last thing Bella and Edward heard before everything went black.

When the lovers woke up after Mayarie casted a spell on them, they frantically looked around, hoping this was all just a harmless, yet scary nightmare. They both hoped that they would wake up together in Forks, Washington, in Edward's fairytale cottage. Alas, this was no dream. Bella and Edward were shrunken down to the size of an adult American cockroach.

"Edward! We're small!" Bella cried out in an irritating high pitched voice.

"Well duh Bella! Like I didn't know that already." Edward growled in an even more irritating high pitched voice.

Bella was horrified over Edward's new voice. "Edward, you're voice isn't angelic and beautiful anymore. Oh well, at least you still have your sexy Adonis looks and sparkly skin."

"Come on Bella, are you going to help me look for a way out, or are you going to fawn over my sexy looks some more?"

"Uh...I'll find a way out. Of course, then we're all going back to Forks in your fairytale cottage."

As they frantically searched for a place to escape, SkekSo and Mayarie both entered the room, discussing about the Skeksis Chamberlain's foolish ideas of taking on SkekLach, and SkekLach beating the Chamberlain at the "Trial by Fire" competition.

"One of these day, that fool SkekSil is going to get himself banished." SkekSo sighed in dismay over the Skeksis Chamberlain. Then, the conversation stopped as Mayarie pointed out the tiny lovers to SkekSo. As SkekSo caught sight of them, the couple wore wicked grins on their faces. SkekSo picked Edward up by his shoulders while Mayarie snatched Bella by her legs.

"Ah, how cute Mayarie." SkekSo cackled as he held a tighter grip on Edward's shoulders. "These two little Mary Sues are now the size of cockroaches. Now they are totally helpless against us."

"That is so true royal sire." Mayarie grinned as she sets Bella down on the table. When Edward and Bella were dropped down onto the table like mere marbles, The two started to chew the royal couple out.

"You wretched creatures! Wait til I get my hands on you!" Edward screeched.

"Turn us back now!" Bella whined. However, SkekSo and Mayarie looked at each other in confusion. No matter how much Bella and Edward protested, they just sounded like annoying little squeaks and squeals instead of a regular spoken conversation.

SkekSo grimanced in disgust. He was getting very fed up with all those pestering squeaks and snatched Edward and Bella up like they were gold coins. He held a tight grip on them, then started to laugh wickedly. "You two will suffer for trying to pick a fight with my dear Mayarie. I think I'll eat the sparkly pretty boy first."

Edward was picked up by his legs and tried to lash out hysterically, but it was proven useless. He was dropped into the black hole and SkekSo swallowed him whole. Bella witnessed this entire scene and started to sob and wail hysterically. Right there, Mayarie snatched Bella up by her hair and dropped her into SkekSo's mouth. He swallows again in delight.

As Bella and Edward slid down SkekSo's throat and into his stomach, they held each other and helplessly accepted their fate.

"So this is what it's like to be star crossed lovers." Edward sighed as some green liquid started to slowly surround them.

"I thought were going to have our cake and eat it too and live together forever in erotic bliss, not be eaten by an ugly monster." Bella sobbed.

After a while, the Stu and Sue would be digested by SkekSo's stomach and nothing was left, not even sparkles or alabaster beauty.

As for SkekSo and Mayarie, they truly relished every minute of Bella and Edward's demises. What they didn't know, is that the dragonite and the Skeksis help save the universe by digesting two Mary Sues. However, there were still more to go and the battle continued on until there were no Gary Stus nor Mary Sues left.


Down the Hatch


My Twilight x The Dark Crystal x original universe crossover. I finally got my anti-Twilight and Dark Crystal x-over story done, AT LAST!

If you love The Dark Crystal and hate Twilight, I bet you'll love this.

Submission Information

Literary / Story


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    Absolutely awesome. Hope you don't mind if I do a fic inspired by this but with Mayarie and Magoichi voring some bimbos. ^^

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    Yeah, that would rock.