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A Bully Story: Part 9 by Frost8Bits (critique requested)

A Bully Story: Part 9 (critique requested)

Frost8Bits

As stated before, I'm nearing the end of finishing the revision to A Bully Story, and by end, I probably mean a couple more months at this pace. >.< Still, I want to get some eyes on it and hear what people think so I will be uploading what I have at this point. I am still going through and proofreading when I have the chance so things may change. Hopefully, clean it up a bit and stamp out any offensive grammar errors.

Really looking for criticism on:
-Characters: development, do they feel stale or flat?, anything you like or don't like about them
-Flow: too slow, not fast enough, parts that lag or need more detail, chapters too long or short, etc...
-Is everything consistent?
-Does it get confusing who is talking/being talked about/the focus?
-Do the events in the story make sense? Are they believable? Does any part just not seem to fit?

Another big concern is that the later chapters get boring, like I could probably condense a couple of parts into one and expand on other, more important areas. Please let me know what you think.

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Category:
Literary / Story