Breakthrough by fluffy (critique requested)

Breakthrough (critique requested)


12 February 2014 at 00:51:54 MST

Finally finished the comic that I posted a panel from a few days ago. It's a metaphor about a recent life change that went really, really well for me.

In case Weasyl makes it too smalll, you can see it in its native habitat at my comic website.

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    the progression is actually really solid here fluff. if i had one major critique it would be that the cartoonish thought balloons don't fit with the subject matter. there might be a better way to convey they're internal thoughts without that. my personal fallback would be a smaller panel with a different border (colour? design?) above the head. you could even do the thought dots up to that panel.

    overall it's good though, it's clear what its about (a breakthrough) and how it feels (exhausting, but liberating).

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      Thanks! It's also about how after having made the most difficult breakthrough, the original goal doesn't seem so important.

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        ooooh i totally see that now that i'm looking again. i think the reason i missed that is that the thought balloon version of the castle doesn't quite hammer home that it's the same distant mountain ahead. maybe this is because the distant glow's pink is so faint that it's lost amoung the browns of the rocks?
        cause i've noticed that brown and red tones tend to sort of mush together visually.

        my suggestion for that would be a glow effect that's much stronger than the light behind the mountains. like, so that the pink castle itself seems like a glowing beacon in the distance.

        then the last three panels are cake. once the barrier is down, kill the glow around the castle - its just lost its allure and power. instead maybe have the forest begin to cast a glow from the right hand side? then when we get to panel 11 it's like oh well clearly that's the better path.

        but definately work with lighting important objects/things differently/more strongly than inconsequential objects.