https://www.deviantart.com/featheredseclude/art/Patchwork-Poem-Mispelled-839422216

... so another month has rolled by... or at least, that's what I think it has been... I dunno to be honest... a lot has blurred together. I went from someone who loved around all the time, to always being exhausted, and almost always am passed out somewhere in Ice Empire's Camp... though, that didn't stop me from wondering off from time to time. This time being a time I went much farther than anyone would probably find reasonable, given the fact I am pregnant... but that shouldn't dictate me for where I want to go and if I want to do something like go on a walk... Expecting children or not... anyone tries anything with me will have a debt they won't want.

... but being anxious about having to stay in one place all of the time... really isn't why I am out here, it's not why I am wondering the way that I am right now... it's... it's much more than that... I don't understand why I feel like, like I am nothing but a let down... actually, I know exactly why I do... but I can't get myself to accept that... I just, I just wish some things that have happened... played out differently.
But... that is the part I don't get, what exactly do I wish had played out differently... why the hell am I doubting things now... why do I feel like I have let Storm, and others down, before anything has really happened... why am I as paranoid about this as I am... It's something I just want to talk about, but... I... just how do I talk about it... I'll admit, I want to believe I am prepared to raise, how ever many gremlins I will have... but I question it? I don't want to do the wrong things, or make the wrong choices when raising them... I feel like I have already made several wrong choices... and I hate it... I can't even get myself to make another choice... almost as if misfortune is damned on me... I hate it...

Hell, I hoped that things wouldn't feel this way... God I was wrong about that... every moment has been nothing but this. When you say you want children, but then learn you are probably not ready for them... but even though I think this... this is how I feel. I know I could talk to others about, but honestly, how is that going to help, how will that get rid of the feelings? How the hell is that going to fix it? It doesn't... I don't understand why I don't just tell Storm this... I hate that I can't bring myself to do it. Then this just adds to how I feel, it's, ... it's just... It is just a damned ephed cycle that loops in on itself, and I feel helpless with it... I don't know what to do, and I do not see anything helping me if I tried to reach out... I say anything... I just feel like... it will only make things worse than they already are... I feel like the only thing I really can do and pray through it... and hope things work out in the end...

... ... this is just making me sick to my stomach... ... I... I hate it...

Word Count: 576
1EP for Word Count
4EP for Picture
5EP to Yickah