Identity & Me by farorenightclaw

Identity & Me

farorenightclaw

1 January 2014 at 11:46:52 MST

So i've been doing a lot of thinking lately. There's been some big changes in my life - i moved to California with ixor, and my gender has been doing some interesting things, especially since i got here. i'm finding more and more that i identify as transmasculine, though not as a trans man. i'm still agender, but maybe.. call it masculine agender. Some days i'm full boy, i wear a cock and prefer masculine pronouns. But i'm also finding that i prefer 'it' pronouns.

So, from now on, please refer to me as an 'it'. If you have problems with that - i know some people have issues with it and find it difficult - feel free to keep calling me xe, they, or even he. But my preferred pronoun is 'it'.

i still identify as agender, obviously, just a different flavor, maybe, than in the past. i'm growing as a person and becoming more comfortable with myself, healthier, and better. Right now, this fits better.

i'm also starting to save up for top surgery this year. i know having a flat chest will be miles and away more comfortable for me, so i'm hoping i can work towards that as quickly as possible.

Feel free to ask questions in the comments, about my gender, about transgender in general, anything related to that. Don't worry about being too invasive - just this once, yall have carte blanche to ask anything you want about gender. Outright insulting comments, however, will be hidden.

Oh, and Happy New Year!

Farore, artwork © kWilson 2014

Comments

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    I don't think I've ever met anyone who wished to be referred to as "it" before, but I'm all about respecting everyone's right to define their identity. So I'll do my best to remember. I do tend to default to "they" if I'm unsure about someone's gender, anyway.

    I'm a transwoman, myself, and on the whole I very much prefer feminine pronouns and to be treated and respected as a woman. However, I will admit that I do sometimes find the idea of getting away from gender entirely to be rather attractive as well. Sometimes it would be nice to be treated as a person without having others lay certain expectations or stigma at your feet. Mind you, that's just my perspective and I'm in no way trying to prescribe my ideas onto you, or insinuate that because I have some sympathy for the feeling that it's valid for anyone but myself. But I wish you the best with your top surgery and with your journey for identity. I hope this community will respect you and treat you with kindness as well.

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      Awh, thank you so much :) and yeah, sometimes the idea of doing away with gender entirely is quite tempting, but i am usually happy with me 'agender gender', heh. identifying transmasculine is a big step for me but i think it's the right one :)

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    I really am trying to be more empathetic about transgender stuff and learn more about it. In the past I have made some comments that were really insensitive to someone and I regret it.

    I don't like gender stereotypes and think in a perfect world women should be able to be respected mechanics if they like, and men should be able to primp before a party and look pretty. I hope one day we get there.

    But I guess transgender takes it a step further? Or do you think you'd be ok with your body if the stereotypes didn't come along with it? I find the body-altering aspect the hardest to understand. I'd like to be taller. I'd like to not have a uterus (oh god I HATE the menstrual cycle). I'd like to have a tail! But I don't think I'd pursue those things even if the surgeries were available or real. So I guess from my viewpoint it will take a little work to fully understand that part.

    Thanks for being open and welcoming questions! Whether I fully "get" things or not I'm happy when people find something that makes them happy, so best of luck to ya. :3

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      Gender roles and gender expression, which is what you're talking about, and gender identity, which is the crux of the transgender thing, are three separate animals. Gender roles are dictated by society, gender expression is how you present yourself, and gender identity is how you feel inside. For example, even when my gender identity is full boy, i tend to be very feminine in my gender expression, and my preferred gender role is 'queer male'. Most of the time i feel masculine agender as my identity, my expression is a mix of masculine and feminine traits, and my preferred role is 'no thank you'.

      What this means is that there are components to identity beyond those of gender roles. This can include things like body dysphoria (feeling like your body is wrong), though not every trans* person experiences that, and what 'feels right'. The difference is that, while you as a cisgender person might wish to not have a uterus, you still identify (i assume) as a girl or woman. That is what 'feels right' to you. A trans* person with a uterus may feel that not only do they not want a uterus, but that the cis identity that goes with it (girl or woman, typically) feels wrong to them. Instead of disliking having a period, that trans* person may actually get the screaming horrors from having one at all, from knowing that there is a uterus inside them when clearly - according to their identity - there isn't supposed to be one. i personally have a uterus and a menstrual cycle, and there have been times when i have felt so disturbed by this that i have thrown up. There's different levels of magnitude there, you know?

      Anyway, i hope that sheds a little light on the subject. Feel free to ask more questions if you want to!

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        Thanks for taking the time to write up such a detailed response! That actually does help a lot - breaking it down into parts like that. Everyone is different and there are so many combinations of those 3 parts I hope I can be excused for being confused. XD

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          It can be quite confusing, so i don't blame you for being a bit confused! XD

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    It as a pronoun choice makes me a little uncomfortable just because so many people find that dehumanizing (and I've heard so many of trans men or women get disrespectfully called "it"). But I'll gladly use "it" to address you if that's what you like best! Some of my other friends prefer "it" over "they/them" or the other neutral choices. Since questions are welcome, may I ask why "it" is the pronoun you like best? I think it would feel more comfortable if I understood more about why you like that. I tend to really like "they/them" for myself :>

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      i went by 'xe' for a very long time, during a period of my life when i felt pressured to identify in a more feminine way. As such, i have an association with it sounding feminine to me, and i want to move away from that. They/them works too, but i really prefer 'it' because, to me, it's as gender-neutral as you get. Also, being a robot is a big part of my identity, so there's that too - i don't really feel like a human being a lot of the time, if that doesn't sound too hokey. So that's mixed up in it too. Mostly, though, it's really just that i want to be identified as something that isn't male, female, or on the spectrum of masculinity to femininity. 'It' works for that. 'They/them' is really fine too though! It's just not my preference, probably because that tends to be what one uses when one doesn't know the gender of the person referred to, and my gender is rather definite and particular!

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        Ahhh, that actually makes a lot of sense, I hadn't thought of it that way. Thanks!

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    Cool, I'll file this in my brain. You aren't the only person I know who prefers "it." It's one of the pronouns I'm ok with for myself, but I go with he/him/his officially as that fits too and people seem to prefer it.