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Could Be The Last by Evianrei

Could Be The Last


An idea I had for a personal piece, that Mewrei encouraged me to follow through with since I've been sort of all over the place emotionally about it. The happy / sad feelings. lol.

There is a lot to say about this image, and how I feel about motherhood. About my own experiences of being with child, and with birth, and of course raising the little ones afterward.

Mewrei and I have talked (and are still talking) on and off about how many mini-mewreis and little evians we were thinking of having. Overall, we think no more than four. Lately though, three has stood out to us. We've talked seriously about this being my last pregnancy. There is a bittersweetness to that idea.

Yes, I'd get the freedom of my body being my own again. I suppose that's something to look forward to. I guess I just didn't expect my child-birthing days to be over so, soon?

I'll have had all my pregnancies I'll ever have, in under five years of my life. If you think about it, that is a REALLY short time period. Not a bad thing. Kids are close in age, they love playing together. Baby stuff is easily reused since they're all so close in age as well. I guess it seems short to me because some mothers wait longer between each pregnancy. Their time in this stage of motherhood is longer as a result.

I guess I worry that, because it was so early on in my life, and for such a short time, I'll forget what it was like. The baby kicks, the baby stage. The early years of motherhood.
I see now why so many parents are excited to be grand-parents.

I've been blessed with a wonderful husband and with three adorable children. I honestly had always dreamed of being a mother, but never thought I would be one. Never thought I'd meet the right guy. But I did. God has blessed me so much.

And while pregnancy can be tough at times, I'm a bit sad to see this stage of my life end so quickly. I pray I won't forget how a kick feels, or what it was like doing the roll of shame to get out of bed (lol). I even have permanent reminders of being pregnant that I'll carry, stretch marks and the like. I don't dislike them at all, I love them. Because they're the result of bringing my children into the world, who are so very worth it.

It is a bittersweet idea. Maybe three is our number. Maybe not. God's plans are better than our own. Maybe a fourth is in the future one day. I don't know.
But for the time being, I'm trying to get comfortable with the idea that, this baby could be my last. I've been taking this pregnancy slower, enjoying the little things, laughing at the temporary issues I run into, like not being able to tie my shoes.

My eldest is already three and talking. It all really does go so fast. I'm afraid of how fast it is going. Cherish each moment. Everything is for a season.

We'll see what God has planned for our family, but for now, I will cherish all the time in this season that I've got.

Submission Information

Visual / Digital