This piece, while not altogether remarkable is just important to me on a personal level. I watch a lot of television and heretofore never really understood the power of representation thereon that fit me, likely because I've never felt connected to a character, or a ship.

When they introduced Lexa to The 100, I won't lie and say I instantly loved her, at that point all the grounders sort of blurred together for me, but as they developed her, and it came out that she was not only a lesbian, but a balanced, if flawed individual who still managed to conduct herself honorably and with an unfaltering sense of duty and devotion, that's when I fell in love with her. I'm thirty years old and in this silly teenaged, dystopic character, I saw someone who was not just worth idolizing, but genuinely good, positive, strong female representation. The bonus was that she shared my love of women.

When she succumbed to that age-old bury your gays trope, and did so in yet another tired way (stray bullet not meant for her) I was wrecked. It was poorly planned, shocking purely for shock value and served no purpose outside of furthering a storyline easily furthered some other way. I won't rehash the details, but suffice it to say, you went from this extreme high of finally seeing Clarke and Lexa consummate their love, to 63 seconds later, watching Lexa bleed out on the bed.

I think I just repeatedly yelled at my computer, "No, no, no. NO. no." Because after a year of promising we wouldn't be treated this way, we were. It took me a week to finally process that I was feeling anything, and when I did, it was just awful. March was a bad month, and when I finally came out the other side, I began noticing parallels between this fictional tv character, and an oc of mine, so I took all that love and disappointment and I channeled it into revising Li Ling. She doesn't look 100% like Lexa, but that wasn't the point.

It was an extremely therapeutic piece. The irony that I'm reposting this the day the finale of season 3 is airing, and Lexa will once again die (final time?) has not escaped me.

https://vimeo.com/161402195 also there's this.