Chapter 21

There's a prayer I learned...a type of daily benediction I heard from someone who'd been to Earth. It was a call to one of their gods for strength, serenity, and wisdom. The prayer is to grant one the strength to change what can be changed, the serenity to accept what cannot, and the wisdom to know the difference.

In life, the first thing you're granted is strength. Strength helps you carve out your place in the world. Strength pulls you awake, forces food into your belly, and drags you through what needs to be done each day in order to survive.

Serenity? That's a hard one. Strength makes you feel invulnerable...able to pen your own destiny with the blood of those who would stand in your way. But it's never that simple, is it? No...just as you are using your own strength to carve out your destiny, all those around you are doing the same, and as much as you'd like to control all aspects of the world around you, you can't.

Serenity is accepting what you cannot control, and moving on. Attaining it comes with degrees of frustration, anger, and despair, but you do eventually reach it. It may be a healthy thing to attain, but more often than not it's far from satisfying.

Wisdom only comes from experience...not from time or age. One can potentially live their entire life and gain no real wisdom because they never did anything. Contrarily, a cub can be exposed to enough 'life' that even at a tender age their eyes have that calm, haunted look of one who's seen too much.

To be strong would be to challenge the Council...to seek High Appeal. That would be me clawing my way back to my destined life...to my family. Though it would most likely mean my death, at least I would die knowing I never gave up. At least I would be remembered.

To be serene, in my case, would be to carry out my original plan: Leave Bengalis with Te'Ki and simply accept my exile. We'd either find a life aboard a freighter, or find some planet where one's status was determined by the sweat off their backs, not by birthright or bloodline. Given the foe I was facing in all this, the serene choice seemed the wisest. To remain on Bengalis was to inevitably meet my end at the hands of anyone who bore a grudge against exiles, Clan and non-Clan alike.

For Te'Ki's sake and my own...for us to finally be happy and safe, the serene choice seemed only logical...up until that fight at the docks. After that, things began to look slightly different to me.

Sensei spoke of a third option for me, though he never went into much detail about it. I knew that either one of my obvious choices would mean the end of my training with him, and in truth were it not for Te'Ki, I never would have considered leaving. Alone, I could do what needed to be done to survive, and be beholden to no one.

I had no regrets, though, about the choices I'd made up to that point. I loved Te'Ki with all my heart, and wanting to protect her gave me more of a sense of purpose in my life than any kind of training or job. A life alone is a life wasted, no matter what anyone tells you. To me, Te'Ki was more important than anything...or anyone...else.

It was for that very reason that I never said anything to her about the fight. I explained my sore side as a trip and fall while on the job. It wasn't that I didn't trust her with the truth; she knew as well as I that violence would follow us so long as we bore the title of exile on this world. However, I also didn't want her worrying about me while I was trying to make a living for us both. I wasn't looking for trouble, but I knew that if it did come looking for us, it would be sent packing.

Two weeks passed. Though faint, I could smell the approaching autumn on the wind. The air had developed a crispness to it, and while still comfortable, the nights were beginning to grow noticeably colder.

For me, with thoughts of autumn inevitably came thoughts of academia. Silas had assured me that my forged identification could easily get me back into classes. About the only things that would cause some suspicion about me would be my look and my scent. However, given that I'd been away from everyone I knew for over a year, there was a good chance I'd changed enough for no one to really recognize me.

Te'Ki seemed rather indifferent on the subject. In the tribes, her education focused more on the duties of a female as they trekked across the plains of Tanaya. However, her tribe did possess several educational holos, which they'd procured from any credits made by selling excess Kel meat or hides in one of the many towns bordering the tribe lands.

Also, my work didn't have to suffer as a result of my wish to return to school. On days when I couldn't physically attend lessons, I could download them to a tablet via the Hypernet. It became mandatory in Shonto for all lessons to be recorded and available for download, mostly because many students needed to earn a living while still learning. I knew it would make for some hectic weeks during those winter months, but in the end it would be worth it.

Thanks to Silas and the Foundation, I was able to get my registration all set up for the upcoming year. Te'Ki followed suit, registering for a grade level appropriate to her age. I also began the process for taking a grade challenge exam. My year in a coma had cost me a year's worth of education, which would force me to be a year behind my friends. If I challenged the grade though, and succeeded, I would be at the proper level.

The preparation for my exam became part of my daily routine before long. Time spent not working or training was spent both studying and just spending time with Te'Ki. Through this she'd been very helpful and supportive. She would quiz me nightly and...well...let's just say she gave me a lot of incentive to keep my studies up.

During those two weeks since the incident at the docks, nothing had been said. Only a simple accident report had been filed to explain everyone's injuries. The snowleopard had elected to remain silent about the whole thing, and I couldn't blame him. Though his attackers had been dealt with for the moment, there always existed the possibility that they would try again. It was the nature of people like that: Unless the message was severe enough, they would never truly be stopped.

One thing that was noteworthy, though, was that the reported cases of exile 'suicides' had dropped off to nearly nothing. I say nearly, because as much as I'd like to believe such a thing didn't happen on its own, there were still exiles out here, and not all of them could see past their own bleak, shamed futures. I could only hope that the reduced number of suicides would clue in those who controlled the docks, and they would take the appropriate actions.

Sensei never mentioned anything more about his 'third option' beyond when he'd first mentioned it. I tried to ask him about it several times, but all he would say was that I would discover it when the time was right. I tried not to let the thought of it dominate my thoughts much, for fear if it distracting me from my training. Instead, I did my best to not think about it, hoping that somehow, sometime, the answer would simply present itself.

Thinking back, I wish I'd dwelt on it a bit more...maybe then the revelation would have stayed buried where, I believe now, it belonged all along...

That year, I think I fell in love with the autumn. As the deciduous trees around the dwelling began to change color and thousands of leaves fell to the forest floor, I reveled in it. The pulse of the entire world seemed to be slowing...as though preparing for some grand hibernation before the snows fell and covered everything in white. For some reason, as everything around me slowed down, I began to feel more alive than I ever had before.

The same couldn't be said for Te'Ki though. She seemed to grow more contemplative as the season slowly turned. She wasn't growing withdrawn or anything, but I couldn't help noticing the far-off look her eyes got when we had a peaceful moment.

It was during one of those peaceful moments that I finally called her on it. We were just settling down for the night. Her kiss was as loving and tender as always...it was always something I could look forward to. She settled her head on my chest and began purring softly as I wrapped my arms around her.

"You've been distracted lately," I finally said. I felt her stiffen momentarily, as though I'd caught her in some kind of lie. "Is everything all right?"

"It's just the season," she replied after a time. "The Gathering will be happening soon in the Tribe Lands, and this is the first time I've really been able to think about it since my exile." She sighed again. "It's one of the few good memories I have left of my past."

"The Gathering?" I asked. She began to move until she was lying atop me. The smile that played across her muzzle told me she wanted to make sure she had my full attention. Still, I wrapped my arms around the small of her back, and she lightly kissed me before continuing.

"Where my...my former tribe roams, there are nine other tribes," she began. "We tend to keep our distance from one another, lest one or more of the Kel herds suffer too many losses. It also helps reduce the chance of conflict between the tribes. However, as the weather grows colder and the snows begin to fall, all ten tribes gather on the Plains of the Gods. On that ground, no weapon may ever be raised in anger or challenge, lest the offender's entire tribe be punished."

"Why do they gather?" I asked.

"It's a time of celebration," she answered. "When the ten tribes gather, it's a time of great joy and camaraderie. Gifts are exchanged, stories are sung around great fires, and through the winter they all depend on each other to survive. They remain this way until the spring thaw, when the...the High Priest of the Ten Tribes gives his benediction. After that, the tribes wish each other well and we all go our separate ways, following our herds for yet another season."

I heard her voice quiver at mention of the High Priest, and moved one hand up to gently stroke behind her ears. She pressed into my stroking ever so slightly, but her determination to continue her tale overrode that mix of anger and sadness at the memory of what the High Priest did to her. "It's also a time when...when exiles who've survived up to that time can beg forgiveness for their sins. The High Priest is bound by honor to listen to any and all pleas, and judge them accordingly." She sniffled softly. "Most times, the High Priest ends up bowing to pressure from the Council of Chiefs, and the exile is welcomed back."

I wasn't sure if I felt better that she'd told me why she'd been so distant. I mean, I was grateful that she trusted me with it, and that I now knew a little bit more about tribal life in Tanaya...but the prospect of Te'Ki potentially losing this chance at redemption for another year began to weigh heavily upon me. She seemed to notice, because she planted another gentle kiss on my lips and smiled softly.

"I know what you're thinking," she said. "And before you say it, no. Even if I found a way back to Tanaya in time, I don't think the High Priest would even consider my appeal...not yet anyway."

"The wound is that fresh?" I asked, hoping she would understand the analogy I was trying to draw.

She nodded. "It will take time," she said. "Maybe someday...or maybe never...it doesn't matter to me, love. Well, not as much as it used to, anyway." She smiled and leaned down again. Our muzzles met passionately and I could feel our mutually growing need for each other. Before long, our bodies were once again joined in that most intimate of embraces, moving to and fro in a primal dance of near-feral lust.

When we were both spent, we simply lay there, breathing heavily and waiting patiently for sleep to claim us. Her breathing had settled into a soft, steady rhythm first, and I lay there contemplating what she'd said. Even if she really wanted to, I couldn't see a way for us to make it to Tanaya, let alone leave Shonto by any legal means. Border security wasn't that strong, I was told, but it was still a border, which meant legal documents. Though we were happy together, we were still exiles...still hated by the Clans, the Tribes, and generally not tolerated by everyone else. Trying to leave the country through conventional means would probably get us handed over to the Shatlia, after which we would most likely be executed.

There was nothing more I could do...except reaffirm my unspoken promise to keep her safe no matter what. It was less than what I thought she truly deserved, but it was all I had to offer.

I just wish it had been enough...

I remember the day perfectly: Late autumn...just a few weeks before classes were to begin. The weather was the typical chaotic mix of temperatures, which made you wear a light jacket that you could take off when the sun peeked through the clouds, but put back on quickly when the sun went away and the cold air re-asserted its hold. The smell of the oncoming winter hung heavily in the air, mixed with the sweet smell of the dead leaves on the ground.

Te'Ki and I had been taking advantage of the weather to walk nearly every chance we had. We knew winter was fast approaching, and not long after that first snow any kind of outdoor activity would be severely limited. Also, with school looming before us, there would really be very little time to do anything more than homework, sleep, and work for me. So until then, any time we could spend away from the dwelling, we took.
I remember the look in her eyes as we walked through the woods. She always seemed fascinated by the trees as they exploded into the colors of autumn. I could only assume that either where she lived had little forest cover, or that most of it was composed of hearty evergreen trees. I never really asked her out of respect for the season. After what she said about the Gathering and what it could possibly mean for her, I decided to not ask her much more about her homeland...not for a while, anyway.

Perhaps it was the whims of Fate that steered us to that point, or perhaps it was something far less supernatural and far more instinctual. Either way, we found ourselves soon gazing upon that damned hedgerow once more...the one that separated my family's estate from the rest of the world. It had been the first time we'd been back there since before our first kiss. I remembered how painful simply gazing at that hedge had been...it wasn't a sensation I ever wanted to repeat.

Yet, as I gazed at it, the pain seemed lesser somehow. I shouldn't have been all that surprised though; I had changed so much. In the months between then and now, I'd grown both in body and mind. No longer were my eyes those of a scared kitten wanting so desperately to come home...no...now, I was a different person. It hadn't been all that long in between, but in that small amount of time, I'd changed. The pain of loss was still there, but it felt more like a sentimental ache than one of desperation or longing. Perhaps this was indeed one of those moments of serenity in my life...an indicator that it was time to move on.

"Are you all right?" Despite my revelation, I must still have been staring a little too intently at the hedge. I turned towards Te'Ki and smiled. I nodded slowly, never taking my eyes off her.

"I am now," I said finally. "I think I just needed to see this place one last time." I felt her hand squeeze mine.

"Are you sure about this?" she asked. "I mean, your Grandfather..."

"I don't plan to tell him about this," I interrupted. "Not yet. I'm worried he'd try something...maybe try to appeal to the Council in my place without thinking of the consequences." I shook my head. "It's better for everyone if we just keep it to ourselves and move on with our lives."

Te'Ki nodded, and then craned her neck up to give me a light kiss on the cheek. I'm glad you feel that way," she said as we started to walk away.
"Do you think we'll be all right?"

"I'm pretty sure we're not the first exiles to completely turn away from the Clans or Tribes," I replied. "Maybe Silas can give us some..."

To this day, I wonder if the gods had done this on purpose...as though I'd somehow missed the obvious so they had to figuratively club me over the head to wake me up. I was so ready to put it all behind me...to choose the path of love and long life...to forsake in equal measure those who had forsaken me. But no...some other force was determined to not let me go so easily.

And they did so...with a scream.

Te'Ki heard it too and we both moved to investigate. It was coming from the other side of the hedge. Although even touching the foliage was a death sentence in the eyes of the Clans, we crept right up to it. Slowly, I parted some of the branches and peered through. What I saw before me made my first painful experience at the hedge feel like nothing.

I saw two tigers, a male and a female. The male was on the ground and the female was shielding him from what I guessed to be his attackers. The scream must have come from her when the male went down.

Surrounding the pair of tigers were five figures dressed in something more than simple formal attire. I stifled a growl; I recognized those uniforms...and the medallions each wearer bore. The mark of the Shatlia. What were they doing on Kalamar property? Moreover, what were they doing attacking to members of the Clan?

"That was a stupid move, cub," spoke one of the Shatlia. That voice sounded familiar...very familiar. "If we could be bested by someone as pathetic as you, we wouldn't be worthy of the title of Shatlia."

"You never were worthy of that title," the female spat. I recognized her as Tila. The one she was protecting was probably Richard. "The only reason any Rondoki bears that crest is because of Lars' influence. Were it up to the Council..."

"The Council," the Shatlia chuckled. "A group of doddering old fools who've forgotten what it means to be Clansmen. Only our Elder is worthy of his station, and when he ascends to the seat of the High One, he'll remind all of you what it means."

"Enough preaching, Torin," one of the others said. Torin...the Shatlia from the warehouse. The one who executed the servals. I felt my claws begin to flex...straining to tear into that packla and gut him like a baloth. I scanned the other four and couldn't see any sign of Byreck. Given his Clan's history with the Tiger's Paw, it stood to reason that he wouldn't participate in whatever it was Torin was doing here.

"Of course," Torin said, taking a step towards Tila. She hissed defiantly, but even though she was older than me, she still paled in size to the advancing panther. "Don't' make this difficult," Torin growled. "This has all been decided. You can either come with me now on your feet with some measure of dignity, or unconscious over my shoulder. Either way the end will be the same."

This time I did growl. I had no idea what Torin was going on about, but it was obvious that his purpose here was to take Tila away. Had I not been so filled with rage at what was happening, I would have wondered what had happened to bring this about. Grandfather would never willingly allow something like this...had the Council ordered this to happen, over and above even Grandfather's wishes?

Torin moved to grab Tila, but she delivered a hard slap to his muzzle, making him hesitate long enough for her to scramble away. Even from the distance I could see the conflict in her eyes...wanting to stay and protect Richard, but at the same time needing to deal with her own safety. I gritted my teeth. Torin would use that to his advantage. He would somehow coerce Tila into submission by threatening to finish whatever it was Richard had started.

"Enough of your games, woman!" Torin hissed. The last thing I saw of the unfolding drama was the panther reaching for the hilt of his sword. It was the last thing I saw because I was already taking several deep, measured strides backwards from the hedge. It was easily 4 meters high...nearly twice my own height. I had to calculate this perfectly.

Te'Ki heard me begin to move and turned to see what I was doing. That was when I knew. The moment I gazed into those wide, horrified amber eyes I knew that if I went through with my plans, things would change between us. I should have stopped...I should have turned around and continued walking, letting her catch up to me and finding some way to cope with leaving Tila and Richard to their fates.

But I couldn't...

I don't know if she screamed at me, begging me not to; I heard nothing as I ran toward the hedge and leapt with all the might my cybernetic legs could muster. I'll admit it wasn't graceful, but I cleared the hedge by not much and landed with a dive roll in between Tila and the oncoming Shatlia. When I got to my feet, I saw that Torin's sword had cleared and he'd struck a ready pose...doubtless when he saw me hurtling through the air towards him.

I could see it in all their eyes...the widened look of abject fear...dilated pupils...and I heard the collective gasps from all of them. I knew my eyes were glowing red hot as I snarled at them. "Leave this place," I said, loving how my words sounded when spoken with the Warning of the Voice. "Leave now...or suffer the consequences."

Torin seemed to relax his posture somewhat, though he remained guarded. "This is not your business, stranger," he said, obviously not seeing any family resemblance between my older sister and myself. "I'll gladly kill you another day for interfering with Shatlia business, but I have other plans for now."

This Rondoki's audacity almost made me laugh. Did he have any clue what was about to happen to him, or had he grown so used to slitting the throats of children that he'd forgotten what a real fight was?

"You were warned," I growled. "What happens next you brought upon yourself."

"Are you mad?" Torin asked. "Take a look around you, you fool. There are five of us and only one of you. Further..." He nodded at his comrades, all of whom drew out their own swords. "Now stand aside and let us take what we came here for."

In truth, recalling what happened next took weeks of thought. It truly was all a blur at the time. Torin had been first...that much I remembered clearly. He swung his sword as though to force me to move away, only to have me move inside of his sword reach and level a hard punch at his chest. Normally, such a move would cause one's opponent to stagger, but I held nothing back. I put everything I had into that blow, and wound up sending him back several feet. He landed roughly on his backside and skidded on the ground. He winced as he stood back up, but instead of looking afraid, he looked even more indignant.

"KILL HIM!" He bellowed. "We'll tend to the bitch later!" The others were slow to obey, but in the end that's what they did. I finally had a chance to get a better look at them now: Another panther, a jaguar, a lion, and a puma. Had I thought about it a little more I could have identified each of their Clans, but that was the last thing on my mind. All I saw before me were five opponents...arrogant scum who'd come to take and use my sister. I would not let this happen or die trying to prevent it.

The second panther came in first. Khrasa's training holos suddenly came to mind. His pattern was not unlike an opponent I'd faced only a week or two before. He came in with a high swing aimed at my neck. It was easy enough to duck and respond with a punch to his stomach. Like with Torin, I held nothing back. I heard the gurgle erupt from his throat, and my muzzle caught the scent of blood mixed with his bile.

As I straightened up I moved around the crumpled panther and prepared to face the puma. He came in fast and hard, swinging his sword with precision and speed. I'd yet to face an armed holo-opponent in my training, but I couldn't let that stop me. His sword aside, his moves were still in a pattern...something I could try to analyze and exploit so long as I didn't end up on the receiving end of one of his blows.

I tried my best to land some kind of solid blow, but as frustrated as he was becoming with not being able to hit me, he was still able to dodge most of my own attacks. I landed a few hits on him, but not enough to take him out of the fight. He'd gotten in a few nicks on me as well. My shirt would be of little more use than a dishrag at this rate.

I finally saw an opening when he brought his sword up in a high arc, intent on cleaving me in two. I moved just as the sword came down, stepped around him, and delivered a hard punch to his kidney. He screamed as he went down, clutching his side in agony. He should have felt fortunate. For participating in this with Torin, he should have been glad I aimed for his kidney and not his spine.

The jaguar leapt at me almost before I knew it. I was unable to dodge and caught his foot right in my chest, knocking me to the ground and back a few feet. I barely had time to recover before he was on me again. Like the puma he was fast with his blade, but not nearly as disciplined. This actually made him a more dangerous opponent, mostly because trying to find a weakness in a pattern of chaos was all but impossible.

I did my best to spot an opening while staying clear of his blade. It was no small task; every time I dodged one way, his blade seemed to be right there to greet me. It was a brilliant technique: Keep me off-balance and unable to mount any kind of counter-attack, and eventually his blade would strike home. A simple battle of stamina attrition...except the jaguar knew nothing about me...or what the doctors had done to me only a few short months ago.

His ferocity and speed ended up costing him dearly, and only after a short while. Thought slight, I could see him growing winded. His swings lacked that lightning speed with which they'd started, and in between I could see his chest swelling heavily, trying desperately to take in enough oxygen to keep him going. I tried to help that exhaustion along by planting a few well-placed kicks when I could. I still couldn't deliver one hard enough to knock him off his feet, but each time he staggered back, his recovery seemed to take longer and longer.

Finally, he made the inevitable mistake. He swung his sword high over his head, much like the puma had, intent on bringing it down in a cleaving stroke. Instead of side-stepping however, I leaped into the air, forcing my body into a spin as I did so. My foot impacted with the side of his head with a resounding SMACK! He staggered back as I landed. He'd forgotten all about his sword, which made it all too easy to deliver another roundhouse kick, dropping him to the ground for the time being.

The lion dropped his sword before he confronted me. At first I thought he was simply going to surrender. However, the sadistic grin that twisted on his muzzle, combined with him cracking his knuckles told me something completely different. He was big, like most lions get, and his size had no doubt saved him from any truly major fighting in the past. He'd see no such leniency from me.

His first swing was a right cross aimed at my head. It was an easy move to dodge; I merely stepped back. He then swung his left arm at me and I repeated the dodge. I heard him growl then try again with his right. This time I caught his forearm in my hand. I snarled as I began to apply the pressure. I saw the expression on his muzzle change from sadistic glee, to surprise, and then to growing anguish as I continued to squeeze. His muscles were solid enough, but I felt my fingers begin to collapse them as I continued.

The scream of agony that erupted from his muzzle only lasted a few seconds. I reared back with my right hand and delivered my own punch to his muzzle. Like with all the others I held nothing back. I saw teeth and blood fly from his deformed mouth, and I felt his jawbone collapse under the force of the blow. I let go of his arm when he began to fall, and I noticed the imprint my fingers made. I remember licking my lips then...slowly dragging my tongue across them like a feral on the scent of his favorite prey.

Torin's sword was raised, but shaking as I stalked toward him. I hadn't lost the glow in my eyes, and I could only imagine what that mixed with the half snarl-half smile I had on my muzzle looked like. Based on the look on his face, I could only assume I looked like some kind of hell-spawned demon, come to claim his soul.

"What kind of beast are you?" he demanded, though his voice lacked any true authority.

"I am vengeance," I growled, my voice still under the influence of the Warning. "Vengeance for the girl you tried to take from her family here...vengeance for three kittens whose throats you slit as an example to others...vengeance for all the sins your retched Clan has committed...Rondoki scum."

"Whose throats I...you..." Torin's eyes widened in horror as he finally made the connection. "You were...you were there...but..."

"But your Najari pet kept my claws from tearing your throat out," I interrupted. "Where is he now, Rondoki? Where is your white tiger savior this day? Does he no longer have the stomach for your indulgences, or did he finally see the truth...that none of your kind are worthy of your title?"

"You'll see how worthy I am when I have your head!" He drew his sword back and roared defiantly as he swung. Had I stood there, his blade would have indeed severed my head from my body, but instead I ducked and swung my foot out, knocking his legs out from under him. He fell to the ground yet again, but by the time I stood back up, he was already on his feet, sword still in hand.

I didn't give him a chance to swing again. A kick to his sword arm sent the blade flying. Two quick punches to the face and stomach started him reeling. I closed the distance and began punching and kicking in earnest. It wasn't long before I could see and smell the blood and bile on his person. One eye was already swollen shut and the other was well on its way. He screamed as I dislocated a shoulder, and then howled in agony as I brought the full force of my foot down on his left knee. I roared in triumph, feeling the bones shatter under my foot. He fell to the ground, slowly curling into a fetal position.

"I should kill you," I said lowly. "I should end your life and the lives of those you came here with. Gods know it's what you deserve for what you've done, Rondoki." I looked away from his crumpled form and stared at Tila. She was kneeling over Richard, who seemed to be waking up. Gods...how I wanted to walk over there and see if they were all right. I wanted so desperately to say something...but I couldn't. Instead, I turned back to Torin.

"You should die," I said. "But you won't today, Rondoki...not by my hand. Take your comrades and leave this place...never return. If I ever learn that you've set foot on this land again, there is no place in the galaxy will hide you from." I gazed down into his one good eye and saw the look of someone cowed by fear. I knew he'd obey me...they all would obey me now.

As I stared into that fright-filled eye, it straining to remain fixed on mine despite the swelling that tried to force it closed, I felt something stir inside. It was how he looked at me...the look of abject fear...as though he'd come face to face with the Dark One Himself. Of course, all those years of Clan doctrine drilling fear of the L'au Tari into his mind probably helped. Like me, he'd probably been fed stories in his childhood of how the Man-Beasts would come in the night and make off with children who didn't behave. Even as an adult, those stories still had a hold if his fear was any indication.

He nodded weakly before I finally turned my eyes away. I began to walk back towards the hedgerow, ignoring the pleas of Tila for me to wait. I couldn't. If I stopped, she'd make the connection and if any of the Shatlia around were still conscious, they'd also make the connection. The consequences would be disastrous for all of us if that happened. As it was, it would take an ungodly amount of words on Grandfather's part to smooth this over despite the apparent trespass of what the Clans considered their Honor Guard.

With a leap I cleared the hedgerow once more and landed shakily on the other side. I stayed crouched for several moments, letting both my body and mind calm before daring to move. The adrenaline began to fade, and what came next was the shaking nausea, as it always did for me. It was like going through a withdrawal of sorts. It was as if part of me craved that kind of action...that kind of violence. For some reason, the simple act of battle...of combat...it made me feel complete in a way no other thing could.

No other thing...save one...

I felt her hand on my shoulder. My whiskers read the concern radiating from her...mixed with that hint of fear. At this, I finally breathed it all out. I stood slowly and she with me. Not a word was spoken as she collected me into her arms. The arms that had helped to dismantle the Shatlia only a few minutes ago now held my love as though she were a delicate flower. I wasn't sure who was shaking more between the two of us, but it only made us tighten our embrace. It soon felt less like something to comfort each other, and more like some desperate attempt to stave off some inevitability.

"I'm sorry," I choked out. "I couldn't...I just..."

"I know," she soothed. "I know."
We held each other until we both heard distant voices from behind the hedgerow. Reluctantly we parted and melted back into the woods. I knew there would be consequences for what I'd done. There would also be explanations demanded of those involved, like how the Shatlia gained access to the estate without the Elder's permission, to say nothing of how they all ended up so badly beaten.

Part of me hoped that in those explanations, Torin would begin babbling about how they all came muzzle to muzzle with a creature thought only to exist in the tales of a child. Many would write it off as a Shatlia trying to excuse his failure, but to a select few...those who knew...they would understand and hopefully realize just what they had created with the swing of a sword...

And an exile of one of their own...