Chapter 23

I never should have told Khrasa that I had the next two weeks off from work in order to clear my head. It seemed that Sensei's idea of clearing one's head was to have the stuffing knocked out of it on a regular basis. I swear he used that as an excuse to work me that much harder. Not only were lesson times doubled, but the intensity with which I trained left me exhausted, bruised, and sometimes bloody if I wasn't careful while sparring.

At least there was some consolation to this extra training: Te'Ki. She had taken to accompanying me on the transit shuttle to the dance studio, after which she would wander around downtown Karalla City. When I was finished, she would be waiting there with a warm embrace and a tender, loving kiss. Sometimes those kisses made me wince from the pain, but they were always welcome.

When I wasn't training, Te'Ki was almost like my constant shadow. Every errand that needed done, we did together. She would hold me close every night, and in the morning she was in the same position. I didn't mind the extra attention, but she wasn't the same cougar I'd gotten to know over the summer. Something was different...very different. Perhaps she was just trying to reinforce her vow to me at the stream, about always loving me. She needn't have worried about that though.

Things were silent where my former Clan was concerned. Grandfather had not been by to visit since I told him of my suspicions. I could only conclude that things had calmed down. I didn't even know the condition of the Shatlia I'd fought. For all I knew, they all succumbed to their injuries. Normally such a thought would leave my stomach churning, but in truth I felt little more than indifference about it. As far as I was concerned, if they were all indeed dead, then at least I'd never have to deal with them again.

It was midway through the second week of my forced vacation. In a few more days, school would start and on top of work and training, I would soon be blessed with the additional burden of homework, exams, and trying to fit in with a bunch of peers who to me had no idea of how the real world worked. I would be as much an outcast among them as I was to the Clans. Well, at least fellow students didn't have a moral obligation to try and kill you because of your status.

I wasn't really sure how the upcoming school year was going to treat me. I would be a grade behind my friends until I could write the challenge exam, but even after that, what then? Everyone knew that Risha, Tomas, and Max all hung out with Dalan...would Darien be different enough, or would I have to distance myself from them during school times to help maintain the illusion? At least with 'Teresa' there, I wouldn't be alone if it came to that. Perhaps she could help reinforce the illusion among my old acquaintances. I really wouldn't know until the school year started.

I remember falling asleep that night with Te'Ki in my arms as always. There had been nothing overly special about that night, or that day for that matter. My training had been brutal once again, and Te'Ki had been there to accompany me home. We had eaten a decent but not extravagant meal, and had gone for an evening walk before retiring for the night. Absolutely nothing seemed out of the ordinary...

Which made me wonder why I awoke in the middle of the night alone.

At first I thought perhaps she'd gone outside to relieve herself; it wouldn't be the first time. However, as the minutes ticked by I grew more and more concerned. Had she gotten lost? Had she fallen? Had someone found her? Instinct won the battle over exhaustion and I was on my feet in moments. Despite the fact that Bengalans have excellent night vision, I still stumbled around like a fool to find my pants before rushing out into the night in search for her.

I didn't have to go very far. The moment I rounded the corner of the dwelling a lit fire nearly blinded me. I think I made a sound of some kind as I shut my eyes quickly. When I could finally open them comfortably again I saw Te'Ki sitting there. If she noticed me there, she made no move to acknowledge it. She just continued to stare into the fire, as though entranced by it.

I sat down beside her and placed a hand on her shoulder. Only then did she turn her muzzle to meet me. My eyes widened as I saw the twin streaks from her eyes. She was crying.

"Te'Ki?" I asked, giving her shoulder a squeeze. "What is it? What's wrong?"

Fresh tears fell as she blinked. Her jaw moved and I felt my heart begin to beat faster. "I...I have to leave," she said.

I felt the blood drain from my muzzle and go directly to my now-ringing ears. I felt all the fur on my body stand straight up as though I'd been electrocuted. My throat ran dry as my jaw hung open. At first I thought maybe I mis-heard her, but the look on her muzzle...the tears...no...I heard her correctly. She was leaving. "Wh...why?" I finally choked out. "What did I do wrong, Te'Ki?"

"It's not you," she replied. "I love you, Dalan...I've always loved you. Please...don't blame yourself."

"Then...then why?" I asked. I could felt my own tears beginning to well up. "I don't understand."

"Because I finally do understand." She stroked the side of my muzzle with her hand. "It took all this time, and maybe I was denying it up until now, but neither one of us can avoid this any longer."

"Avoid what?"

"What you have to become."

I jerked away from her hand and cocked my head to one side. "What do you mean?" I asked. "What do I have to become?"

"Violence, Dalan," she said. "The Beast Walkers are protectors, but not through words or mere diplomacy. They do so through blood and death, Dalan, and you are venturing down that very path. Someday you will have to make that decision...you will have to end someone."

"But what does that have to do with..."

"I've seen glimpses of your strength, Dalan. From that time in the warehouse to the alley, and finally protecting your brother and sister. Your ferocity is something I've never seen before, but after each time I saw the shame in your eyes." I nodded. "Your shame was because of me...because you frightened me." I closed my eyes and nodded again. "So long as I'm here, Dalan...I'm holding you back. For you to continue down this path, you need to move past that shame and accept what you're becoming. I can't...and won't...stand in your way."

Deep down I knew she was right, but that didn't mean I wanted her to go. "Then why leave?" I asked. "I mean, it's my hangup, Te'Ki...it's mine to deal with. You shouldn't have to go just because..."

"That's just it," she interrupted. "You do frighten me, Dalan. When you get that savage look in your eye, to be honest there are times when I'm not sure if you truly recognize me. All I know of the Beast Walkers is what the stories my Tribe tell, and none of those stories end well for those who cross them."

"But you know better," I pleaded. "You know I'd never hurt you."

"Now, yes," she said. "But what about tomorrow, Dalan? What if the Beast Walkers are as indiscriminate as the stories tell?"

"Then I'll stop, here and now," I declared. "No more training, no more fighting, no more scaring you. Would that do it? Would that be enough to make you..."

She placed a hand to my muzzle, silencing me. "You would never forgive yourself if you abandoned everything now," she said softly. "And what of your family? Who would protect them?"

"I..." It was a cold, merciless truth that finally settled itself within me. This was indeed the price of my 'deal with the Dark One.' The moment I accepted to be trained as a L'au Tari, all this had been put into motion. I had chosen this path. I chose to continue to train. I chose to continue to fight. I chose to protect...to guard. I chose to become violence personified, and in doing so...I chose this consequence.

I turned away from Te'Ki, not wanting her to see the growing snarl on my face. It wasn't directed at her, but at myself. All I wanted was to make the best of what the Fates had done to me...to live out my life comfortably and in love. Was that truly so much to ask, even as an exile? Was just going through the motions of the day-to-day truly an impossible task?

But I didn't want the day-to-day, did I?

I thought about the night before I accepted Khrasa's offer. I remembered the cries of those children...the betrayal of a friend...the rain...the digging. I remembered the tears I cried as I held those bodies in my arms. I remembered roaring to the heavens as I finished covering the grave over. That was when it all started, wasn't it? This whole thing started with the death of three innocent children at the hands of those claiming to do the work of the Patrons.

I had to wonder though...when would it end? How would it end? The only way it could end...

In blood.

I felt her hand on my shoulder, coaxing me to turn and face her. Her muzzle bore the saddest smile I had ever seen. "This is not the end," she said, her voice barely a whisper above the fire. "I will always love you, Dalan...and I will wait for you."

"What...what do you mean?"

"I'm returning home," she announced. "The Gathering is still going on, and Silas has found a way to return me to Tanaya. I can return to my Tribe, Dalan."

"But I thought you said the wound was too fresh."

"I've spent the summer in the care of a Beast Walker," she said. "Among the Tribes, such a thing carries weight. At least, I believe it will."

My eyes widened. "You mean, you're planning to return, not even knowing if you'll be welcomed back?"

She nodded. "I have to try, Dalan. For us to have a future...I have to try."

"And what if it doesn't work? What then?"

She shrugged. "I spent months hiding before," she answered, returning her gaze to the fire. "It was my own stupidity that got me into Daro's skimmer that night. I won't be making that mistake again." She then turned back to face me. "Whether I make it back to my family or not, Dalan, the fact remains that I have to leave."

I closed my eyes and hung my head. Every point I could make about how bad an idea this was, she already had a counter for it. She had spent a lot of time on this. I wondered if she and Silas had discussed this before, and it had been his idea to set this plan into motion. In the end it didn't really matter. She was leaving and nothing I did or said could stop her.

I finally opened my eyes and looked back at her. I merely stared, wanting to burn this last image of her in my mind so that it would haunt my vision until the day I'd see her again. I let my eyes wander over her perfect muzzle, her amber eyes that seemed to glow in the firelight. My mind suddenly filled with the sounds of her voice, in particular her laughter. That was my choice for what sound to remember her by. It would be the memory of her laughter that would carry me through those upcoming lonely nights.

At last, I nodded. I didn't want to, but to waste any more words on the argument would have been pointless. I reached for her hand still on my shoulder and gave it a squeeze. She moved until she was sitting in my lap, arms wrapped around me. I knew I had to say something, but at the moment my mind was a complete blank. When I finally did find my voice again, I could only say one word:

"When?"

"Hm?"

"When are you...leaving?"

"Not for a couple of days," she said, kissing my neck. I could feel her beginning to purr against me. "We don't have a lot of time left, love. So let's make the most of it."

And we did...

The skimmer took only a few minutes to load; Te'Ki didn't have much to pack. A few changes of clothes, the necessities, and a few personal reminders of her time with me. All in all, her entire world wound up packed into two duffel bags and a backpack. I marveled at how little she really had, but compared to other exiles, she probably had too much.

I watched her as she loaded her last bag into the skimmer. Nath looked in the trunk quickly before nodding and closing the lid. I felt relieved that he would be Te'Ki's driver for the trip to the Tanayan border. I didn't know him that well, but he was the first exile to really give me a chance all those months ago. In a room full of strangers, he was the one I knew the most. I also knew that he would keep Te'Ki safe for as long as he could. Ex-soldiers were as good as their word.

"She tell you why she's leavin'?"

I turned to see that Silas had moved up beside me. I nodded in answer to his question. "Probably for the best if y'ask me," he said. "You're gonna be makin' some enemies before long, kid. Better to have no one they can use against you."

"She said she was holding me back from becoming...whatever it is I'm supposed to become," I said. "I told her I'd drop everything if it meant she'd stay, but..."

"But she remembered the night you tried to save those kittens," Silas interrupted. "I remember that night too, kid. I knew right then and there that this kind of life wasn't for you." He nodded in the direction of the warehouse. "Everyone in there? They've all given up, kid. For them, this is life...there ain't nothin' more for them. But you? You've got the fire in you, Dalan. You still have that spark of hope that's all but died in everyone else here."

"She told me what you were facin'," he continued. "She also told me about what you did for your family. Were they the same guys that were here?"

I nodded. "Their leader remembered me from here. Will that cause any trouble?"

Silas shook his head. "I doubt it. Knowing there's at least one exile out there who don't care 'bout the rules should keep 'em in line for a while. And when they finally do grow a pair and decide to come around...well...let's just say our 'ushers' won't be so shy with the hardware next time."

I couldn't help but smile slightly at that. I wondered briefly what the reaction would be from the Council to find out some of their precious Shatlia had been blown to bloody chunks by an exile's shotgun. It would probably spell the end of the warehouse as a place to gather, but doubtless the Foundation would be able to set themselves up somewhere else with little trouble.

I was just about to say something to Silas when I noticed Nath walking toward us. I looked past him to see the skimmer was ready to go. Even though I'd accepted that this was about to happen, I couldn't stop feeling like my heart had just dropped in my chest. This was it...I was saying good-bye to her. How long until I saw her again? No idea.

"Good to go," said Nath softly. "Should be back in six days tops." He turned to me. "Can't take her any further than the border, but I've got a friend who'll take her the rest of the way. And before you ask, yeah, I can trust 'im. This ain't the first time we've done this."

"Thanks," I said. I noticed Te'Ki leaning on the skimmer, staring at the ground. Nodding to both Silas and Nath I made my way over to her. She slowly lifted her head up to meet my gaze.

"I guess this is it," she said, her voice heavy with sorrow.

"I guess so," I said. "I wish you didn't have to."

"I know." She stood up. "I want you to know, Dalan...this summer meant everything to me. Before I met you, I believed that my life was as good as over. But you...you took me in...loved me...made me feel like I was worth something again." She leaned into me and I felt her arms snake around me. "You gave me hope, Dalan...and I can't thank you enough for that."

I wrapped my arms around her and moved to nuzzle her neck. I could feel her purring softly, resonating with my own. "Thank you," I whispered, trying to hold back my tears. "Thank you for believing in me...for loving me."

"I will wait for you, my love," she whispered. "No matter how long it takes. Regain what you've lost, Dalan, and when you do, come find me."

"I will," I said, finally gazing into her eyes. "I promise I will."

Our muzzles met in one final, passionate kiss. I held her tighter, afraid to let go because I knew when I did that this would all be over. I knew we couldn't stay like that forever, but in that moment I was all for trying. I didn't know how long it was going to take before I reclaimed my honor, or how it would be done, and that uncertainty left me fully and truly afraid.

Finally, the kiss ended. It was time. Te'Ki looked past me an nodded to Nath. I heard his heavy footsteps approach and we separated. "I'm not even...not even sure what to say," I said.

"Then don't say anything," she whispered, reaching a hand up to my muzzle. "Just know that I'll be there, waiting." I reached up and covered her hand with my own, closing my eyes. My mind traveled back to the first time she'd done this...the night I knew I'd fallen in love with her. It seemed like another lifetime ago when my feelings for her first arose. All we'd been through...all the tears, the hardship, the love...all of it came to this. How long would we be apart? Months? Years? Would we meet again as strangers, or would our love persevere?

Only time, it seemed, would tell.

Her hand fell away as I heard the skimmer power up. I opened my eyes, and we shared one last gaze before she turned toward the opened passenger door. I stepped away from the vehicle, and moments later it pulled away, taking my beloved cougar back home to a hopeful but uncertain future.

I tried my best not to let the tears fall, but it was a losing battle. I didn't cry though. I just stood there, tears streaming down my muzzle, gazing down the road. It wasn't until I felt Silas' hand on my shoulder that I finally turned away.

"C'mon kid," he said softly. "Ain't nothin' for it now." I looked over at him and he smiled. "She'll be fine. And you'll see her before you know it." He nodded toward the warehouse. "Now c'mon, let's get a hot meal into you, alright?"

I nodded and turned to follow him back in. I spared one last glance at the road, and offered up a small silent prayer to whatever force was listening that she would be safe before heading inside.

It was the last time I ever saw her...