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What's it like to belong to a cause? I can never know...

I read a journal by someone recently where I finally realized the person is a transphobe, so despite liking their art I blocked them and began thinking... what right do I have to do that? I'm no transphobe, I don't understand the mindset despite my attempts to explore it in writing (which probably pissed off anyone who might have read it since I have no right to write from that perspective) and it also made me think: why do I think I can be part of this? I feel so wrong trying to say I support the LGBT+ communities when I don't fall into that spectrum, I have no right to say I support them when I'm an outsider, and the worst kind fo human being simply by the fault of my birth.

I'm a Man which is like -100 points to my morality
I'm white which is like -1000 points on top of that
I'm Cisgender which is probably another -50 if I'm being generous but probably a lot lower
I'm technically Pansexual but that's... worth nothing because if I'm going to be honest then my sexual preferences fall about 60% women, 10% men and 30% Intersex of varying types so I guess that makes me technically hetero...

I do think white men have ever accomplished anything other than hurting people, slavery, and taking credit for other people's inventions so that makes me part of the lowest scum of the Earth, scum that have convinced the world they are the most important people in the world. I hate myself, a lot, over things I can't change or can't afford to change. Even if I wanted to change my gender or sex I couldn't afford to and I'm at best just curious about what it's like to be another gender or sex and don't desire to change myself... if I even could change. I try to adopt a live-and-let-live policy with these movements in my life but is that just laziness? It's just an admission that I can't do anything to help anyone and that my help should be rejected because I don't belong there. I'm not allowed to support anyone because I don't belong with them. If asked to march in a pride parade or any other pride thing I'd have to sadly decline because... I don't belong there and I don't deserve the privilege of being allowed to support them openly.

honestly, some days I wish I could rip off my skin so I wouldn't have to be Caucasian, I could just be raceless so I don't have to insult anyone by my existence or show off how awful I am. I'm technically half-Ukrainian but I've never looked into the culture enough for that to count, I like perogies (is that even the right thing to call them?) but do I deserve to eat them when I've never tried to dive into the culture of my mother's family? My father's family is a mix of the British isles so I know I'm descended from some of the worst scum of the human race...

I don't even know why I'm writing this except to get it off my chest. I've seen how people who are... let's just say Rainbow-phobes (covering all aspects of LGBTQIAP) tend to seal themselves in an echo chamber to reinforce their beliefs and I wonder... am I allowed to oppose them? I blocked the person who wrote that journal and a bunch of their supporters who replied to other journals of theirs but am I allowed to be mad at them when I don't have the right to call myself anything but scum?

I hate myself, some days I can distract from that by playing games or chatting with friends but do I even deserve to have been born as I am, one of the privileged just by nature of being a Caucasian man? I wish I could answer this, or even do something but... I just don't know...

Sorry, just had to say this, stream of consciousness, get it off my chest and... I don't know...

I'm hungry, going to eat rice...

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