Did the next SC2 Secret Theater since I already had it transcribed and it's a pretty short one. Pretty pleased with this. As the captain's lines are part of the humor, I actually read them out this time. Don't expect this as a constant from me; I don't have a "good" Zelnick.
Listening to this again, I wish I'd rerecorded the first Umgah part after I couldn't get the voice again for the later ones.
Hayes: Captain, we've received transmissions lately from the direction of Gamma Orionis.
It appears the Umgah want to speak with you about something "very important".
Due to the giggling at the end of the transmission, we recommend you exercise caution if you decide to go there, Captain.
The Umgah haven't earned their reputation as pranksters for nothing.
Umgah: So human heard transmissions! Were hoping you'd come, human Earthling! Har! Har! Har! We hear rumor that Ur-Quan catch you, human! Hear Ur-Quan experiment on you, but let you go because you not what they looking for.
Make human Talking Pet! Har! Har! Only human not smart enough!
We want to know if rumor is true, since if IS true, human maybe genetically modified!
Would explain a lot, eh, human Earthling? Har! Har! Har!
Zelnick: That is so not true.
Umgah: Not true? Har! Har! Of course you say that...
...you asleep when they modify you, so you no remember!
You got funny scars, human Earthling? Scars you no remember getting?
Zelnick: I most certainly do not. If I had "funny scars" I'd know about it.
Umgah: You check lately, human Earthling? Maybe you not know.
If you too stupid to be talking pet... maybe you too stupid to notice scars.
Why don't you look? Har! Har! Har!
Zelnick: Fine, I'll look. There, I don't see anything. ...Where did you hear they'd be, anyway?
Umgah: Could be anywhere, human Earthling! We not Ur-Quan, we not know.
You look everywhere? (Har!) (Har!) (Har!)
Zelnick: Fine, I'll look everywhere! There! No one did any experimenting on me! You can see for yourself!
Umgah: Har! Har! Har! We see, Earthling, we see! No genetic modification scars after all!
Har! Har! Funny rumor, eh? We just be going now.
(Har! Har! Har!)
Zelnick: What?! Who told you THAT?
Umgah: Reliable source, human Earthling! Har! Har! Har!
We not believe it ourselves, but source very reliable.
Rumor seem true... unless you prove it not true.
Zelnick: Uh huh. So who was this source?
Umgah: Source not want name given out. Confidentiality big concern for source! Har! Har! Har!
But if you not care that all reace think you big freak... not our problem. Har! Har! Har!
Zelnick: I'm not a freak, your source is a freak. And misinformed.
Umgah: Har! Har! No proof, no believe! 'fraid you big genetic mistake now, human Earthling.
Everyone think so, and everyone who not think so...
...we make sure they think so too!
Truth must get out, eh, human Earthling?
Har! Har! Unless you stop it now...
Zelnick: Ha ha. Bye.
Umgah: Har! Har! Is funny, yes! Human Earthling impervious to hearsay!
Wonder if human Earthling impervious to battle? Har! Har! Har!
Hayes: Captain, we have been receiving a non-stop hyperwave broadcast... the contents of which I don't want to say more about than I have to.
I can't believe I even have to say this... Captain, why on EARTH did you ever strip in front of the Umgah?! How stupid ARE you, Captain?!
Of COURSE they were recording you! What did you THINK they wanted to do?!
You would not believe the amount of questions I've had to field about this... and frankly I don't know how you haven't yet died of shame.
Knowing the Umgah, I'm sure the video has already been circulated around known space... and you're lucky that no one has broken their alliance with us because our leader is a complete idiot.
It's because of things like this that I seriously doubt our success in this war, Captain.
In the future, I hope you won't fall for any more stupid pranks like this... and shame every member of your crew and, in fact, the human race.