im just a dude with severe depression, an over-whelming amount of self hatred, and i write poetry and some music.

i feel so far gone. i just want to be done. i just want to curl up and die and be done with this damn self hatred, with all this damn pain in my head and my heart. i just want to sleep forever. and i don't want to hurt any one anymore. even the girl who broke my heart and made me hate myself. i still love her. more than I've ever loved anyone. i know that i do love other people though like friends. but the love i feel for her is different. it's unconditional. even now all my thoughts are of her. i hate myself because i failed to protect her, to keep her happy. i care about her with my whole heart and soul. i would give up everything for her. and to me it's just all wrong. the only person I've truly loved with my whole self hates me. the only person i cared for with my entire heart and soul never cared about me. i'm sorry if that sounds stupid but still. i just want to be done. i just want to die and be done with all this pain and hell. i dont want to hurt her, or anyone else. i just want to be gone from this and not have to hurt anymore. to not be hurt anymore. im such a worthless fuck up and im just a burden on everyone. this damn world has been trying to show me for 17 years that i dont belong here. i dont fit in with anyone. and that hardly anyone likes me. i am a mistake, she said it and it's true. i am a mistake, i should have died a long time ago. im sorry, i am so sorry. i dont want to be here anymore. these feelings may change. i dont know. i've felt like absolute shit for the last 3 months and frankly it's been getting worse lately. im getting worse. my mind is falling apart. and the biggest thing is, i dont want to get better. i just want to be done.