Chapter 5

Take Him for All in All

At the sound of their name Chara snapped their eyes open. Oh, no, did I doze off again__? Chara asked themself. I really need to do something about my sleep schedule.

“Chara?” the voice asked once more. It was a soft, hesitant voice, not one that Chara immediately recognized, but it carried with its halting words a nagging sense of familiarity. “Um...sorry to...um...wake you but...um...Frisk said it’d...um...it’d be okay.” Then Chara felt the lightest of touches on their shoulder.

Chara whipped themself round to confront the owner of the voice. It was a monster with a long, white-furred, goat-like face framed on either side with comically large and floppy ears. The monster’s soft brown eyes, clouded with fear and apprehension, opened wide when they saw Chara turn and face him. The monster looked straight into Chara’s reddish eyes.

“Chara...is it really you?” he asked.

Chara stared. The monster who sat hunched over in the folding chair by the side of the bed, with Frisk standing at his back and resting one hand lightly on his shoulder, was far taller than Chara remembered. The softness and bloom of youth had gone from the monster’s face; there was a hollowness to his cheeks and a tiredness in his eyes that suggested the debilitation of illness or the enfeeblement of age. He rocked back and forth nervously in his seat, convulsively grasping a knee in one of his paws, continually tapping a digit up and down; his other paw tugged absently at a loose strand of wool from his green-and-yellow sweater. He looks so...worn out, Chara said to themself, feeling a cold, hard knot of fear settle in their chest. But as they watched the monster and studied his face, Chara saw the beginning of a familiar glow kindled in the monster’s brown eyes. Their fear lessened, and they began to feel something that was almost like hope.

“...Azzy?” Chara finally said.

Asriel let go their knee and raised their paw—how much longer his digits are now! thought Chara—in a little wave. He smiled the slightest of smiles, just baring the tips of his incisors. Longer too, Chara observed. “Howdy,” said Asriel, in a small voice trembling with emotion.

Chara launched themself from the bed and grabbed both of Asriel’s paws, yanking him forcibly from the chair with an astonished bleat and pulling him down to the bed with them. They wrapped their arms tightly around their friend and buried their face in his chest. “Azzy, I missed you, I missed you!” Chara cried, over and over. Tears were streaming from their eyes and soaking into Asriel’s jumper but Chara took no heed. “Don’t you dare leave me alone again, you big dummy, don’t ever leave my sight…”

“I...um...I thought that maybe...um...maybe you wanted me to leave you...um...alone,” said Asriel. Though he was striving to keep his voice level Chara could feel the monster’s body shaking in their embrace, could feel how close their friend was to breaking down. “Frisk kept...um...telling me you weren’t...um...ready to see me. I thought...um...maybe it was...um...my fault.” Slowly, with painful timidity, Asriel put their arms around their foster-sibling. Chara shivered a little as they felt the warmth of Asriel’s paws resting lightly on their back. “Gosh, Chara...” whispered Asriel in a voice filled with amazement, “...you feel so real...”

“I am real, silly!” Chara squeezed Asriel’s body tightly in their embrace. He’s so warm and soft, still, Chara told themself in wonderment. “And it wasn’t your fault, Azzy, none of it was ever your fault, it was all mine, I’m sorry I hurt you, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry…”

Asriel stared past Chara, eyes looking glassily ahead of him. “I didn’t kill you?”

“What?” Chara exclaimed. “Do I look or feel like I’ve been killed?”

“The dreams. The voices in my head.” Asriel’s paws continued their ultracautious survey of Chara’s back, gingerly petting them here and there as though he thought Chara might vanish any moment. “Every day...after Frisk came to...um...to save me. I wanted to know where you were but you weren’t there...I heard voices saying...um...I’d murdered you.” Asriel’s body and his voice were shaking uncontrollably now. “Every night...um...the dreams would...um...I’d see you again only I wasn’t...um...I’d still be Flowey and I’d...um...reach out for you and...um…” Asriel’s voice finally broke, his faltering words turning into wrenching sobs. His head sagged against Chara’s shoulder, his paws clutched at the back of Chara’s shirt, and he wept.

“Azzy. Listen to me.” Chara raised their head, took Asriel’s head gently in both their hands, and guided his muzzle upward until his snout was an inch away from Chara’s nose. “Look at me and listen. None of that happened, do you hear me? You don’t have to believe those voices or those dreams any more. It wasn’t real. I’m here, with you, right now. You’ve never, ever hurt me.”

“I did! I must have!” wailed Asriel. “I hurt everyone else...it felt so real...”

“I know, Azzy, I know. My fucked-up brain’s been feeding me lies like that, too. But you know what? I don’t have to believe them. You don’t have to believe the lies either, Azzy. Believe me. Don’t I feel realer than any dream?”

Asriel let go of Chara’s shirt, laying his paws tenderly on his friend’s cheeks. Chara shivered again as they felt the soft pressure of Asriel’s warm paw-pads on their skin. “You are real, aren’t you,” Asriel whispered.

“Yes,” Chara replied. “And I’m gonna get out of this fucking place soon and I’m going to be with you again and together we’ll fight the bullshit in our heads, and we’ll win. And we’ll have Mom to help us, and that gaudy clown over there, too.” Chara jerked their head toward the folding chair, which Frisk had flipped around and settled into, arms folded over its back in their customary pose of carefree indolence. They responded to Chara’s nod with a lopsided grin. “What do you say, Azzy? Is it a deal?”

For a moment Asriel brightened, but then he slumped forward again into Chara’s arms, leaning his muzzle against his foster-sibling’s shoulder and tearing up again. “You...um...you don’t know what I was,” Asriel sniffled. “I destroyed so much. I killed so many.”

“That wasn’t you! That was the goddamn flower.”

“I was the goddamn flower!” Asriel cried. “I can remember every cycle. Everything I did.” His eyes grew cold and dead, staring sightlessly into Chara’s face. “Everyone I killed...”

“Asriel Dreemurr! Stop it!” Chara ordered, their voice rolling like thunder. Frisk backed away a step and opened their mouth as if to speak but could find nothing to say.

Asriel’s eyes snapped back into focus and quickly they looked down into their lap, hunching their shoulders. “I’m sorry, Chara,” he quietly intoned.

Chara cringed at Asriel’s tone of voice. How many times had they successfully reduced their best friend with a few sharp words to a state of listless, defeated mumbling? Especially toward the end… “Asriel, believe me,” Chara said aloud, cutting short their rumination, “I’m the one who needs to say ‘sorry’. I told myself I’d never do that to you again. Shout you down like that.” They carefully took one of Chara’s paws in their left hand, turning it gently downward, and with the fingers of their right hand they began lightly to stroke the valleys between Asriel’s knuckles. Chara closed their eyes, savoring the velvety texture of Asriel’s fur under their fingertips as they caressed Asriel’s paw.

“Chara,” said Asriel with a hint of bewilderment, “why are you doing this with me—“

“Shhh. Shhh,” whispered Chara. “I’m sorry. I was always beating you down like that, wasn’t I? Talking over you, talking past you and at you, refusing to listen because I knew I was right and I was gonna make you agree with me one way or another. I did it again just now. It was wrong. But I felt I had to stop you, Azzy. I was frightened!” Their left hand convulsed protectively around Asriel’s paw. “You’re not Flowey, Asriel! You’re not a killer! I’m fine, Mom and Dad are fine, everyone’s fine. You haven’t hurt anyone.”

“But I remember it, Chara! How can you tell me to act like none of it ever happened? That’s...um...what all of them keep telling me...um...it just doesn’t work, Chara, it never works...” Asriel began weeping again. For some moments Chara could make no reply. In silence they continued to fondle Asriel’s paw until their friend’s weeping subsided.

“Asriel...” Chara said at last. “I know it must be hard, Azzy, living with Flowie’s memories in your head. It’s true, they’re part of you, you can’t run from that. I’m not telling you try to forget them or feel bad about having them. But don’t you see, they’re just more voices in your head? They’re telling you things about yourself, terrible things that these voices are saying you did to me and to all of us, but you don’t have to listen to them. Please, Azzy. Don’t listen to the voices. Everyone’s been saved, even me. Even you. Listen to your own voice now.”

Asriel managed a ghost of a bitter chuckle. “My own voice doesn’t...um...like me much either.”

“Then listen to mine if you have to.” Chara sighed. “You think my own voice has much good to say about me? It doesn’t trust me. But it tells me all the best things about you.” Chara leaned forward and pressed their nose to Asriel’s snout. “My voice tells me that you are kind and caring and loyal, a gentle, loving soul who wants everyone to be happy.” Chara’s eyes glanced at Frisk, who was watching the entire exchange with keen eyes and an unreadable expression on their face. “I’ll bet this clown has been telling you that, too. They’ve certainly been pestering me often enough with mushy talk like that.”

Asriel nodded and tried a chuckle again, a warmer one this time. “Yeah, Frisk has been very nice to me...um...I don’t know why sometimes.”

“Me neither! I’m an asshole. But you know, if we’re gonna pick and choose voices to listen to, we could both do worse than listening to Frisk’s.”

“You think so?” Asriel whispered.

Frisk’s voice intervened, quiet but intense. “You can listen to me if you want. But I think most of all you should listen to each other.”

“What do you say, Azzy?” asked Chara, gazing into their foster-sibling’s brown eyes. “Should we listen to each other for once?”

The seconds ticked by as Asriel pondered this question. He was still sniffling a little and his eyes were still wet but they shone with a warm, friendly light. Then Asriel threw his arms around Chara again, all reluctance blown to the winds, fervently embracing his friend, weeping again, but weeping tears of joy. “It's a deal, Chara,” they cried, words tumbling freely out of them. “It really is you, I haven't lost you, I don't know what I would have done if Frisk hadn't been able to bring you back!”

“Let's not dwell on it, huh? You came here to visit, not just to water my T-shirt with your tears.”

“Oh. Um. Sorry,” Asriel replied, pulling away a little and looking around the room for a box of tissues. “I really am a crybaby, aren't I…”

“Hush. You can water my shirt as often and as much as you like.”

Asriel accepted the wad of Kleenex that Frisk wordlessly held to him and noisily blew his long nose. “Thanks, Frisk…anyway, um, Chara, do you have anything in mind you, um, anything you want to do?”

“I’d love some decent food for a change.” Chara looked over Asriel's shoulder at Frisk, who was idly slumped over the back of the chair and tapping on their phone. “Frisk, you think my keepers will let me out for a couple hours so we can go to a real eatery?”

“Oh, I'm sure they will,” Frisk replied. “I think they'll insist that Dad supervise though, since he's the only one of us who qualifies as a responsible adult.”

“Pfft,” Chara scoffed. ‘Responsible’? That joke-shop refugee? But if it means the freedom to sit down in a proper restaurant with Azzy at my side I'll put up even with him.”

“Aw, Chara, you shouldn't, um, you shouldn't talk that way, um, about Sans,” said Asriel. “He’s been really, um, kind and patient with me, and Mom, um, well, Mom loves him a lot.”

“Right, fine. I'll be nice to Sans. For you, Azzy. If it were just Frisk asking I'm not sure I’d bother.”

Frisk giggled. “Chara is such an angel, aren't they, Asriel?”

“Yes,” Asriel replied, draping his arms over Chara's shoulders and gazing into their eyes.

“Ugh, you're just sickening, the both of you,” Chara grumbled. They gave Asriel a final hug and nose-nuzzle, then got to their feet and stretched their gangly limbs. “Okay, let's get out of this room and fetch Sans to sign for me.”

“Um, one more thing,” said Asriel diffidently. He scrambled to his feet and jammed a paw into his right trouser pocket. “There's something, um, I've been keeping safe. Frisk, um, gave it to me after they, um, they rescued me and brought me, um, back to the Surface. I’ve, um, I've been hoping all this time I’d be, um, I’ve been hoping a day would come when, um, when I’d be able to do this.” Asriel withdrew from his pocket a gleaming metal object, jingling faintly on a fine chain, and he held it out for Chara to take. “I, um, I hope you like it.”

“Is that—is that—“ They seized up the silvery thing from Asriel's paw and cradled it in their palm. “It's my locket! Is it a replica? No, it's the same one, it's got to be!” They turned it over in their hand, inspecting the heart-shaped pendant. It bore some signs of hard treatment; there were patches of tarnish and scratches marring the once-pristine silver and one of the lobes of the heart bore a small dent. But on its front were the flowing letters that Chara had come to love so well, the engraved letters that read, Best Friends Forever.

Chara turned their blazing red eyes accusingly on Frisk. “You told me you’d lost this in a fight years ago!”

“I did!” Frisk protested. “But when I went back to the Underground with the hope of saving Asriel, I decided I’d try to find the locket again. I didn't think there was much of a chance but, well, you know what a lucky bastard I am.” Frisk chuckled, but their expression was solemn. “I gave it to Asriel after I saved him. I had hoped…well, he was having so much trouble at first, I hoped he’d find some comfort in it. As a memento.”

“I did,” said Asriel. “But really, um…all the while, I’ve dreamed I could, um, return it. To its, um, its rightful owner.”

Chara flicked the locket open. The exterior may have been scratched and dulled but, inside, the tiny enameled portraits of the young monster and his young human friend were as bright and colorful as they ever were. Chara smiled. “We both look a bit different now, don't we, Azzy?”

Asriel giggled. “I guess we could find an artisan to fix it up and redo the portraits.”

“Hell no! I want this just the way it is. Tarnish, dings, kiddie portraits and all.” Chara held the locket out toward Asriel, dangling it on its chain. “Azzy, will you do me the honor?”

Asriel blushed. “I’d, um, I’d love to.” Chara held themself motionless as Asriel reached around their neck with tremulous paws. As the monster fumbled with the catch they accidentally brushed claws against the bare skin of Chara's neck; the human only barely suppressed an audible gasp. Meanwhile Frisk surveyed the operation from the folding chair, their placid face bearing an enigmatic smile.

“There,” Asriel said at last, stepping away from his friend.

Chara reached up slender fingers to touch the locket at their throat. “Thank you, Azzy.” From their chair, Frisk patted their hands together in muted applause.

“What're you smiling at?” Chara demanded.

Frisk's smile became a grin. “Chara, you’ve seen for yourself how much I enjoy helping couples in love.”

Asriel gasped, their jaw and their eyes dropping wide open in utter shock. Chara groaned and glared at the grinning human. “Aaagh! Frisk, what is with you? Look, you’ve embarrassed Azzy.” Asriel did indeed, look mortified, bowing his head and holding his paws over his face. “We’re practically brothers, Frisk! I know you're a weirdo but you don't have to be that weird!”

“You're not actually related. What's weird about it?”

“Look—just—” Chara's ruddy cheeks grew even redder and they sputtered incoherently for a few moments before giving up. “Ugh, I'm changing the subject. To Be Continued, Frisk. I'm not forgetting this…incident.”

“Whatever you say, Chara!” Frisk replied, using their cane to push their way up from their seat with an energetic bound. Then they looked into Chara’s eyes, a slight smile illuminating their face. “Well done, Chara, by the way. Told you you’d be good at this therapy business.”

Chara’s face twitched. “I just said some shit.”

“So do therapists. Now, shall we go?”

“We shall. Lead the way. I want you between me and the entertainer at all times anyway.”

“Sure thing. I’ll go fetch Dad. Meet us at the front desk!” Frisk ambled to the door of Chara's room and exited in a swirl of green fabric. Chara themself, however, lingered for a minute, standing close to Asriel, who had recovered sufficiently from their discomfiture to meet Chara's inquiring glance.

“You okay, Azzy?” Chara asked.

“Um, yeah. Just, um, a little surprised.” Asriel managed a sheepish smile.

“You know how many months I had to spend trapped in that court jester’s head? It was a long slog, Azzy, let me tell you.”

“Yeah.” Asriel gave Chara a curious look. “It, um, it must have been kind of fun.”

Chara perused Asriel's thoughtful face. “You know what, Azzy? You're right. It was.”

“Let's go join them.” Without hesitation Asriel reached for Chara's hand, interlacing his paw’s digits with Chara's fingers. Chara looked sharply at their foster-brother but did not make any move to disengage themself from Asriel's grasp.

“You sure about this, Azzy?” Chara asked. “We’re not kids anymore growing up among friendly monsters. We’re with humans now, and humans love to be assholes.” They tugged lightly on Asriel's arm. “We’re gonna get weird looks for this, I'll warn you right now.”

Asriel smiled. “I don't care.”

“People other than Frisk really are gonna think we're a ‘loving couple’.”

Asriel blushed again. “Um. Well, I'm, um, I'm okay with that.”

“Really!” Chara squeezed Asriel's paw. “You surprise me, Azzy. I guess you have changed. Maybe a lot.”

“Um…maybe? But, um, one thing hasn't changed, Chara.” Asriel started for the door, Chara following at his side. “One thing will never change.”

At the door Chara paused and faced Asriel. “What's that?”

“You’ll, um…Chara, I promise you, you’ll always be my best friend forever.”

Chara's face glowed. Their free hand reached up again to caress their locket. “Best friends forever,” they affirmed. “Let's go.”

Hand in paw, Chara and Asriel left the room and shut the door behind them.

FIN

Monophylos, 30 Oct 2016