I can't believe it I'm finally going to go,
Down to the good old land of Mexico!
Home of Jalapenos and Refried Beans,
I gotta get there by any means!

So we hopped into the car and started to drive,
Down the highway doin' 95.
We really thought we were on a roll,
When we got stopped by the Border Patrol.

We were angry and frustrated to say the least,
We were really looking forward to a Mexican feast.
But we stopped the car and rolled to a stop,
That's when Bob informed us he had some pot.

It was too late to ditch it the patrolman was here,
He saw it I know, I could see it in his sneer.
So he asked us, ever so kindly, to exit the car,
That's when Bob took off, though he didn't get very far.

The patrolman, it turned out, had a dog with him that day,
And the dog, being a dog, was quite eager to play.
It chased him down, and bit him quite severe,
And poor ol' Bob came back, missing half an ear.

'To remain silent', we were told, we had the right,
And I had a queasy feeling it was going to be a very long night.
He tossed us in the back, and headed due south,
Bob started to complain, but I punched him in the mouth.

"This is all your fault" I told him with a glare,
"Because of your drugs, we'll never again taste air!"
Bob just sat back and grumbled to himself,
"What was I supposed to do, just leave it on the shelf?"

Well now I'm sitting here in a Mexican jail,
Waiting on my lawyer so I can make bail.
Bob made a deal that implicated me,
So he got off practically scott free.

The lesson here, folks, if you want to know,
Is just stay away from the land of Mexico.
They may have jalapenos and refried beans,
But it isn't worth it, not by any means.

Don't go near it, don't you dare,
Not even for a job.
It just isn't worth it, no sir,
Especially if you have a friend named 'Bob'.