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the past of the old world part 1 by 2382 (critique requested)

hello this is my first story and it will be slightly dark but I figured I need to put something on fa.
so here you go tell me if you like it and tell me how to critique it.

the beginning of the old world

as a snow leopard says you're interesting such interesting dreams
you're pretty old you have

visions of the past a past before I and many of my kind
so tell me am I allowed to observe your dreams
the human with brown hair agrees by nodding but is confused by what she says

as the dream starts to form

as with a whip sand starts to form around their feet is it sarts to the cover the ground
send nearly everywhere around them

as a human calls out to brown hair you doing fine
brown hair says yeah let's keep moving we need to move the churches
their the only salvation we have left

well hopefully we'll have a good time after all i am your partner and crime
some chuckling heard
in all seriousness you doing well as he says
as the browned hair human says yes
well then I heard the Church of symbols should be our next Target
I heard they have something to help us survive this mess
but you'll be on your own afterwards but that's okay right
as the browned hair human says yes

to think there's a war going on between Magic and Tech
can't they just make up and fix this world
we barely survived several Raider attacks on top of that.
but hopefully will be fine
as the browned hair human says yes but the simple life people argue people fight people die
well whatever let's just go there
has he says with a smile

as we see a cut with in the dream focusing on
what would look like a future event
oh if only They did offer salvation

not each church is the same
I'm sorry I hurt you and hurt everyone here
it was a cover-up experiment I can't speak anymore
it burns my throat if i try to speak
it seems like fire
fire burns as if it would kill me but it doesn't
I'm not going to press my luck

and all these symbols on my body what were they trying to get
pentagram Stars crosses pluses squares circles leaves
what the hell is going on
I do feel much stronger
I also feel hungrier dammit it

did they make me in some sort of monster
I killed them all everyone in this church
I have to be alone and investigate some new places
I feel like I'm going to faints on the ground

but from the experiment as we see in the dream
a giant column a black light shoot in the sky
sending off a beacon for people to find him
as one happens to be near the area
someone who also is living neutral

as a human with black hair picks up this one
and simply says to himself well I think he may need medical
right wife as the wife is a cheetah slightly fat says
yes I believe he does my dearest husband
and my dearest King smiles and laugh you're always such a flirt

yes hopefully we'll get to have some fun later tonight
or at least play games with the kids
hopefully will be having a good time and wait what looks embarrassed
she says we're almost there you silly goofball
I'm not a goofball i remember this world only had humans
before you came
as he looks depressed yeah that's the truth sadly

well turn that frown upside down you have me at least
as he smiles yes and we'll have a long rule
that's good to know honey
aren't you in your thirties why are we talking about age
isn't tomorrow your birthday I think so
wouldn't you like a birthday gift
blushes severely

end of part one

the past of the old world part 1 (critique requested)

2382

first story might be making more put in moderate out of safety but probably is General thank you for reading
feel free to tweak and or rewrite this story as long as you give me credit
and also send me It if you do love to read and or any fan art if you like it that much thank you

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