Sometimes I can't see death as negative thing that everyone says it is. I can dream of death being just me falling asleep and not feeling much anymore, not cold not hot. The temperature is okay because my skin becomes cold. I don't have to waste my energy to breath anymore, it's quiet, it's dark, there is nothing to worry about anymore. The water make me feel light like I'm not even existing.

But still your death maybe doesn't mean anything to yourself but it means a lot to people that know you. The only reason I am still here is that even though things have been hard and bad with me for a long time, if I kill myself it would just transmit the same pain to all of those that care about me. I could never give the pain I feel to someone else, I don't want anyone to feel like this. Ever.