There is nothing now I'm holding but from you
I'm not afraid, I'm not afraid
No more
Every breath I takes seem easy at before
I just want more, I just want more
Suddenly I feel alive
No more dreaming, no more dreaming
I'm alive
I can feel you calling me out
We need to be alone together, together
You're oxygen
I can breath now, I can breath now
I'm alive
You're all I need
I can breath now, I can breath now
I'm alive
I can breath now
Together...
Suddenly I feel alive
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qjF-9W6d0WY

In memory of my dear child: Cookie.

I took Cookie to the vet yesterday after her health began to suddenly deteriorate, believing it was possibly a side effect of her de-worming medicine.

We were wrong. She had Pancreatitis, her kidneys were going, her heartbeat was irregular and X-Rays showed that the tumor from before had spread cancer all the way to her lungs and heart. We could have fixed the rest, but not the cancer. She was weakened, had stopped eating and only ate on Monday night to soothe all of us. She had collapsed before, and my mother had said she had died, but she managed to get back on her feet.

We took her to the vet yesterday, expecting to come back home with her, and then the Vet came in with the most heartbroken expression that I had ever seen this very serious man. He didn't know how to tell us.

We decided that she didn't need to struggle anymore, that she deserved to rest. They let us stay with her as she was given some anesthetics, and then given the medicine that would free her soul from her failing mortal body, from the pain. She stumbled towards us as the anesthetic quickly overcame her, body very frail, she was gone in under a minute after the injection.

We said our goodbyes, and get her back in a week, where she'll sit proudly in a bronze urn to watch over us, and do what she always did best: sleep.

My belief says we'll meet again, and I will be overjoyed the day we're reunited. My baby had to say goodbye to me today, and the night before, I'm positive she knew because she cuddled up close to us. At the vet, she rubbed her cheek against hubby's face and my arm.

I miss her hogging up space on our bed and fighting with the laptop to take her spot on my lap. Her warmth, it's already dearly missed.

I hope to see you again, my child. Thank you for loving me as your mother so so so much, and returning that love with every single ounce you could. I could tell that to you, I was always your mother, even following me around as a puppy.

We love you, Cookie.